


my tongue is a weapon

by freedomatsea



Series: Star Wars Universe Pieces [4]
Category: Star Wars - All Media Types, Star Wars Episode VII: The Force Awakens (2015), Star Wars Sequel Trilogy
Genre: AU: Rey Stays, Alliances, Angst, Blowjobs, Bonding, Cunnilingus, Doggy Style, Experienced!Rey, F/M, Falling In Love, Family Bonding, Family Feels, First Time, Fluff, Fluff and Angst, Fluff and Smut, Inappropriate Use of the Force, Learning to trust, Loss of Virginity, Mentions of Sexual Manipulation, Missionary Position, Morning Sex, Oral Sex, Past Abuse, Personal Growth, Plot, Politics, Porn With Plot, Seduction to the Dark Side, Sex, The Dark Side of the Force, Trust Issues, Vaginal Fingering, handjobs, virgin!ben
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-12-31
Updated: 2018-01-25
Packaged: 2019-02-24 08:05:16
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 19
Words: 51,648
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13209489
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/freedomatsea/pseuds/freedomatsea
Summary: Rey chooses to stay, but she never wanted to rule.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> I wrote most of this in one giant Google Doc and there's still a lot more to tell so I'm gonna break it all up into chapters, post them now, and then continue writing!

“Call off the fleet and I  _ will _ stay.” Rey said carefully, her gaze flickering between his face and his outstretched hand. 

He took a step forward, “You’re holding onto them, Rey. Let them  _ go _ .”

“No!” Rey shouted, standing her ground. “You save them and I  _ stay _ . There’s no other option.” Her hands were curled into fists at her sides. “Make your choice Ben.” 

He hesitated, his gaze flickering towards the oculus. Was Rey  _ really _ worth giving up his vendetta against the Rebellion? Yes. Yes, of course she was. The bond between them, whether by the design of Snoke or the Forces itself was strong enough. It meant he wouldn’t be  _ alone _ . She would be at his side. They could craft a new world together. 

Slowly he lowered his hand, moving towards the com-panel, calling off the fleet’s advances. “General Hux will be here soon to see what’s happened.” He told her, giving her a look over his shoulder. 

“Then we should go. Take an escape pod and leave.” She urged, relief written all over her features and pouring off of her through their connection. “ _ Before _ he gets here.”

Ben shook his head slowly, “I spared your  _ friends _ Rey. Look at them.” He gestured towards the oculus. “You said you’d  _ stay _ .”

“Wouldn’t you rather run away from all of this?” Rey moved to him, her voice soft and inviting. “Do you really want to take  _ his _ place?”

His breath caught somewhere in the back of his throat, his pulse thumping loudly in his ears. “For the sake of the Rebellion, you would prefer that  _ we _ were ruling the First Order, opposed to-“ Ben fell silent as the elevator doors swept open to reveal Hux.

“What is  _ this _ ?” He snarled as he strode forward with purpose, his eyes flashing between Snoke’s corpse and he and Rey. 

Ben stepped forward, positioning himself between Rey and Hux, offering a hand behind him to touch her side reassuringly. “The Supreme Leader is dead.”

“I can  _ see _ that. This is treason against the First Order!” 

Ben lifted his hand to choke Hux, dragging him upwards so his toes barely touched the ground. With Snoke gone, he didn’t have to keep him around. He could finally remove the thorn from his side.

Rey reached out and squeezed Ben’s shoulder, “Ben,  _ don’t _ .” She whispered, trailing her hand along his arm, urging him to release Hux. 

“We don’t need him.” Ben bit out, turning to face her.

“Killing  _ our  _ general isn’t going to earn you any favours,” Rey pressed her lips together and met his gaze, narrowing her eyes. 

Ben looked towards Hux, watching as he grasped at his throat and coughed. “He will try to undermine us at every turn, Rey.”

“Then we will be there to meet him at each of those turns.” Rey’s eyes burned with an intensity that almost startled him, had he not known what potential lurked beneath her surface all along.

“Perhaps  _ you _ should be the Supreme Leader.” Ben said lightly, reaching out to curl his hand around her hip, pulling her to him. 

Rey leaned forward, as though she might just kiss him, but she stopped short of it. “If you plan for us to rule anything, we’re going to do it  _ together _ .” 

Ben’s tongue flicked out over his bottom lip, wetting it before he spoke. “If he wasn’t over there trying to catch his breath, I’d kneel before you.” He drawled out, rubbing his thumb in a circular motion over her hip bone.

“You never have to kneel again.” Rey’s gaze dropped to his lips and she leaned in to kiss him. 

Ben swore his heart stopped in that moment. His first kiss.  _ Rey _ . Standing before the severed body of his manipulator. Finally free. Free to have what he wanted. Power and Rey. 

Rey broke away from the kiss long before he was ready for it to end, turning to look at Hux. “Clean up this mess, General.”

Hux hesitated, before he rose to his feet, keeping his head bowed. “Of course.”

Ben arched a brow at Rey, “Power suits you, Rey.” He said lowly, lifting his hand to cup her cheek, looking down into her eyes. 

“This wasn’t what I  _ wanted _ Ben. Don’t make that mistake.” She said lowly, “But I do know how to make a situation work in my favor.” Rey cast Hux a sidelong look as he stood before Snoke’s severed body. “We should go.” She reached down and took his hand into hers, tugging at it lightly. 

Ben let Rey lead him towards the elevator, falling silent until the elevator doors slid closed and they began descending. He released his hold on her hand, tugging his gloves off and letting them drop to the ground. He raked his fingers through his hair, sinking back against the wall. “I can’t believe he’s dead. I can’t believe Snoke’s really gone.”

“You beat him.” Rey said, her eyes boring into his skin as she stood beside him, leaning back against the wall. 

“ _ We _ beat him.”

Rey shook her head, “No, Ben. That was all you. He wanted you to kill me and you killed him instead.”

“He was a fool to think he could convince me to hurt you.” Ben said calmly, he turned to meet her gaze. “Why did you kiss me?”

Rey bit down on her bottom lip and dropped her gaze to the floor. “It felt like the thing to do in the moment. You’re really serious about this ruling thing, aren’t you?”

“I never want to be under someone else’s control again.” Ben gritted out, his fingers curling into fists at his sides. 

Rey tensed as the elevator stopped, the door sweeping open to reveal two officers waiting to board. 

“ _ Sir _ .”

“It’s  _ Supreme Leader _ .” Ben practically growled as he stepped past the pair of officers, followed by Rey directly behind him. 

“Easy there.” Rey whispered, “You want them to follow you, not  _ fear _ you. Leading with fear will gain you no respect.”

“And how do you plan to lead, Rey? How do plan to lead this galaxy into a new age beneath us?”

Rey lifted her gaze to meet his, “I haven’t put much thought into it. This all happened so fast.” 

“I know.” Ben agreed, ushering them out of the way as Stormtroopers marched past them, “I never dreamed it would be so easy to destroy him.”

“But you did it.” Rey said quietly. “And I believe that means there’s still a chance for your heart to turn.”

“My heart has already turned Rey. Don’t you know?”

Her lashes fluttered and she ducked her head, looking up and down the corridor. “Where were they headed?”

“Does it matter?”

“Don’t they follow  _ our _ orders? Don’t you want to know  _ what  _ they’re doing, Ben?”

Ben blew out a breath and nodded his head curtly. “Come we’ll go to my chambers and I’ll show you how to utilize the com-panel.”

 

* * *

“It’s FN-2187 and some  _ girl _ .” Phasma responded over the communicator. “How would you like me to handle the traitor and his accomplice?”

Rey curled her fingers around Ben’s arm tightly, her eyes silently pleading with him to make the  _ right _ decision. He could see the fear in her eyes, the worry for her  _ friend _ . 

Ben swallowed thickly and pressed the com-panel. “Take them both to the brig, we will handle them when we’re ready.”

“ _ We _ ?”

“Rey and I.”

“The  _ Rebel _ scavenger. Supreme Leader-“

“You heard him.” Rey said sharply, her jaw set hard. “Place them in the brig until the Supreme Leader and I decided what to do with them.”

“Understood.” Phasma retorted, ending their communications 

“You have to let them go.” Rey said the second it ended, turning to face them. “ _ Please _ . You can’t let them hurt him.”

“That decision is partly yours, Rey.” Ben reminded her. “You rule beside me. My equal in the Force and in power.” He shook her grip off his arm, stepping past her. “I will follow your lead on this matter, on which I am certain we disagree.”

“You would have him killed wouldn’t you?”

Ben moved to sit down on his chair, stretching his legs out in front of him and resting his arms gracefully on the armrests. “Only if you choose to have him killed.”

“I don’t  _ understand _ .” Rey’s fists curled into balls at her sides. “You said we wouldn’t agree on how this matter would be settled. I want Finn to live and be allowed to leave.”

“Then he will be allowed to live and leave.” Ben drummed his fingers against the armrest. “If that’s what you want.”

Rey narrowed her eyes. “Is this some sort of mind game?”

“No.” He shook his head, his eyes raking over her. “There’s no need for all that rage, Rey.  _ Relax _ .”

“This feels like a trick.” Rey relaxed her shoulders, glaring at him still. “What’s the catch?”

“There isn’t a catch.” Ben smiled a little at her. “Reach out with the Force and you’ll feel it. You’ll feel my sincerity.”

Rey swallowed thickly and closed her eyes. He could feel her reaching out to him, her mind brushing his as she sought out what she wanted to know. If she wanted her friend to live, he was content with that decision.  _ This _ time. 

“ _ Why _ ?” She questioned. “Why are you sparing them? What do you want, Ben? What do you want from me?” 

Ben rubbed his lips together before he spoke, “I just want you by my side, Rey. I don’t want to be alone.”

Rey moved slowly towards him, stopping before his chair. “I don’t want to be alone either.” She admitted chewing on her bottom lip. 

Ben kept his eyes fixed on hers for a long moment, before he spoke, “Sit with me Rey.” 

“On your  _ lap _ ?” She questioned with a nervous bubble of laughter. “I don’t think we’re quite there yet.”

“Do you think we will?”

“Maybe.” She shrugged, moving to sit down on the floor across from him, tucking her legs beneath her. “If you play your cards right.”

“I was never very good at playing cards,” He admitted with a laugh, winding his fingers through his hair. “I’ll have someone make up a room for you. So you can have your own space.” 

“I’ll be fine here. With you.” Rey picked at the sole of her shoe. “What will my title be? If you’re the Supreme Leader…. Supreme Leader _ ess _ .”

Ben blinked at her quickly she brushed over the notion of them sharing the same space together. “I was thinking that we might be the Supreme Leaders but our titles would be Emperor and Empress. I haven’t put much thought into this.”

“I can tell. But you can’t let anyone else tell.” She brought her knees up to her chest, resting her chin on her folded arms. “Everyone under us has to believe this was a seamless transition. Because if what you say about Hux is correct, he’ll plant seeds of doubt. We must be one unit and our orders must be succinct.”

Ben leaned forward, even more impressed and even a little  _ aroused _ by the conviction in her words. “You speak like you were born to be a leader, Rey.”

“I speak like someone who has known nothing but  _ surviving _ , by any means possible. You can’t let anyone see that you’re terrified.”

“Are you terrified?”

“Yes and so are you.” Rey said steadily, meeting his eyes. “I can feel it.” She blew out a breath. “Do you think Snoke really did create this bond, Ben?”

He clenched his fists, “No. I don’t believe he was strong enough. That he had the foresight to do this.” He gestured between them. “And it was there before. Before we even met. Connecting us through the Force.”

“I saw you in dreams and nightmares long before we met.” Rey admitted, her lashes fluttering as she looked at him. “But I still don’t think this is what I When we touched hands.”

“What do you think you saw?”

“You turned.”

“I already told you. My heart  _ has _ turned.”

“I know what you said.” Rey said quickly, holding up her hand to stop him from interjecting. “But I still don’t think this was the right path. But it’s the one I’m taking with you now.” She stood up slowly, moving so that she was standing between his legs, looking down at him. “Don’t make me regret this.”

“You won’t.” Ben smirked, his eyes raking over her. “I promise you won’t regret this Rey.”

 

* * *

Ben didn’t sleep at all. 

It was hard to focus on sleep with Rey laying beside him. They had gone to bed without any pomp or circumstance. He’d given her privacy, she used the ‘fresher, and changed into one of his tunics for sleep, and she’d headed to bed while he used the ‘fresher. When he got out, she already had her back turned to him, buried beneath the covers, fast asleep.

He still couldn’t believe it was real. Of course, he had  _ seen _ them ruling together, side by side, but he’d doubted that she would agree to it. While she hadn’t exactly jumped at the offer to sit beside him and rule the galaxy, she had said yes. In her own roundabout way. 

And - perhaps even greater than her answer - she had kissed him. Rey was clever though, it could’ve easily been her attempt to assuage him. The bond was useful for many reasons, but it wasn’t easy to control the emotions that courses through it. But she felt it too. He knew she did. He’d felt it. In the hut, when their hands touched, before his uncle ruined the moment. 

Sure, she’d believed that she could turn him, and she had. Just not how she had expected him to. 

“ _ Ben _ ?” Rey questioned sleepily, stretching out on the bed beside him before she rolled over to face him. “Did you mean to wake me up?”

“I didn’t know I did.” Ben admitted with an arched brow. “I’m sorry if I did.”

“All I could hear was your voice whispering  _ Rey _ a dozen times over in my head.” She remarked with a sleepy chuckle. “Is something wrong?”

“I couldn’t sleep, I didn’t mean to wake you.” He draped his arm over his face. “I was just thinking.”

“About me?” Rey questioned, reaching out to rest her hand on his bare chest. “You do that a lot don’t you?”

“ _ Sometimes _ .” Ben insisted, though she had a point. It was a lot. He wasn’t exactly subtle about it. So much so that even Snoke had known. Hell, even Hux didn’t seem  _ surprised  _ to see her at his side. 

“Mhm.” She chuckled, closing her eyes. “So What are you thinking about?”

Ben blew out a breath, lifting his hand to rest over hers. “Well, I was thinking about your choice to stay.” He turned his head to look at her, his brows furrowing. “Your decision wasn’t exactly how I pictured it.”

“This was  _ never  _ what I wanted.” Rey said quietly, just as she had told him before. 

“Do you not want to be with me?”

“That’s not what I said,” Rey shifted closer to him. “I don’t want to  _ rule _ . I just wanted to be with you. Leave all of this. Leave the Rebellion. Find some corner of the galaxy that could’ve just been  _ ours _ .”

“We can have the entire galaxy Rey.”

“You want the galaxy and I just want  _ you _ .” 

Ben froze, “You want  _ me _ ?”

Rey leaned in and brushed her lips over his, lifting her hand to cup his cheek. Ben reached out to curl his hand around her waist, pulling her closer as he sank into the kiss. 

He wondered if she could feel the surge of desire that washed over him, flooding his senses. She had a hold on him, one that he welcomed. 

Her fingers delved into his hair, her nails lightly scraping over his scalp as she pressed closer to him. 

Ben groaned against her lips as her other hand slipped down between them, lightly playing over his cock through his pants. “ _ Rey _ .” He gasped, reaching down to catch her hand. “Not like this.”

She arched a brow. “Then  _ how _ ?” Rey questioned, wiggling her hand out of his hold. 

“When it’s right.” Ben drew in a shallow breath as he flopped onto his back. Truth be told, he was also worried it would all be over embarrassingly fast if they went at it like this. And he wasn’t looking for humiliation. Not when the day had gone better than he ever expected. 

“If that’s what you want.” Rey stared at him for a long moment, before she sank back into the covers. “Sleep well, Ben.” She said softly after a long moment of silence. 

“You too Rey.” Ben closed his eyes, certain that he wasn’t going to be sleeping at all now. 

 

* * *

Ben awoke in the morning to find Rey pressed against his back, her soft body molded around him, with her arms wound around his middle. 

He still couldn’t wrap his head around the fact that Rey was laying in his bed. That she had agreed to stay, regardless of how she’d agreed to stay. And above all of that, she _wanted_ him. She had said that, with her own two lips. None of it was a dream. He’d defeated Snoke and won the girl. 

Rey shifted behind him, pressing closer to him. Ben was distinctly aware of her breasts pressed against his back. “Good morning.” She whispered as she spread her hand out on his lower stomach, slowly sliding it downwards. Her fingertips brushed over the bulge of his cock through his pants, making him jerk. 

Ben inhaled sharply, “ _ Rey _ .” He tensed, moving to catch her hand. “What are you doing?”

“Wouldn’t you like this to be taken care of Ben?” She questioned, her breath dancing across the back of his neck as she palmed him gently. 

Ben opened his mouth to respond, but his words got stuck in the back of his throat. It was hard to  _ focus _ when Rey had her hand on him like that. 

“ _ Ben _ .” She whispered, “You don’t have to be so uptight.” Rey dragged her fingers along the outline of his length. “Stop depriving yourself.”

He blew out a ragged breath, biting down on his bottom lip. “Rey,  _ please _ .” Ben had never been one to control his emotions and desires and this situation was no different. 

Rey pressed her lips to the back of his neck as she slipped her hand beneath the waistband of his pants. She curled her fingers around his cock, slowly running her hand along his length. 

Ben fisted the bedsheets, grunting out her name as he clenched his eyes closed. Her touch felt like heaven, better than anything he could’ve ever imagined. And he  _ had  _ imagined this. With her. Late at night and early in the morning, imagining her hands on him when he had only had his own grasp to get off to. 

“That’s it Ben.” She breathed out, her lips brushing the shell of his ear. “I bet you wouldn’t be so rigid if you just let go.”

There’s every chance that she’s using him. He knows that. She’s clever,  _ too _ clever. Rey knows he’s weak-kneed under her thrall and honestly, he doesn’t care as much as he should. 

He can feel her reaching out; tendrils of her mind brushing against his. It’s almost too much for him, he’s never been good at control and she’s pushing him past the point where he can hold on. 

Ben gripped at the bed tighter, gritting out her name as she picked up the pace of her hand. It’s clear that Rey has done this before and he wonders if it’s that obvious that he’s a novice. 

“Come on Ben.” Rey whispered sweetly, brushing her lips over the back of his neck and that right there  was what did him in. 

Ben cried out, his release spilling out over her fist and all over the bed. It was like white hot heat lancing through him. Better than anything he’s ever been able to stroke out of himself.

He sank back against her, relaxing into the mattress as all the rigidness in his body seemed to melt away in the aftermath of his release. 

She didn’t relent either, not until she seemed certain that she’d milked him dry. Rey hummed contently, wiping her hand off on the sheets, “Better?”

“Mhm.” Ben tilted his head to look back at her, licking his lips. “I’m not sure if  _ thanks  _ is the right thing to say in this situation.”

Rey laughed, pressing her face against his shoulder as her cheeks flushed pink. “It’s not necessary.” She assured him. “Really.” 

Ben rolled onto his back so he could see her better, “You didn’t have to, you know.”

“I know.” Rey lifted her hand to cup his cheek. “But I wanted to.” She leaned forward and brushed her lips over his. “That was new for you, wasn’t it?”

“ _ No.  _ Yes.” Ben groaned, “Was it that obvious?”

“ _ No. _ ” She ran her thumb over the scar that streaked down his cheek. “A little. The give away was that most men wouldn’t act so reluctant about someone getting them off.”

“So not new for you then?” There was an edge of jealousy to his words. Though, if they were  _ both _ as awkward as he was about sex, he had a feeling he’d be sleeping on the floor and she’d have the bed to herself. 

Rey pressed her lips together and shook her head, “Like I said, I know how to survive. Back on Jakku, sometimes the rations would get low and there would be nothing to scavenge.” She said it so nonchalantly, as though trading sex for food was commonplace for everyone. “There were always other ways to get what you wanted. It never meant anything.”

Ben frowned, realizing the implication there. “Is that why…”

“No!” She said quickly, her eyes widening. “That’s not at all why I just did that.” She assured him. “I didn’t mean it to come out like that.”

“So you’re not just using my desires for you to get what you want?”

“Sex  _ can _ be a weapon, Ben. But that’s not what I’m doing.” She trailed her fingers over the scar that ran along his shoulder. “And you should know that.”

Ben stared at her for a long moment before he nodded his head. He  _ wanted  _ to trust her. To finally have one person in his life that wasn’t looking for a chance to stab him in the back. But he didn’t want to think about that. He didn’t want to fall down the path that would make him doubt her actions. 

“We should get ready to visit the brig. Send your  _ friends _ on their way.” He said lowly, leaning in to press a quick kiss to her cheek. 

“Do I have to go?” Rey questioned, giving him a wary look. 

“Sooner or later they’ll learn that you’re at my side now, Rey. Wouldn’t you like to be the bearer of that news?” He questioned as he moved to get out of the bed. Ben frowned as he looked down at the pants he had on. Not only were the sheets ruined with his seed, but his pants were too. Good thing laundry was handled by droids that wouldn’t ask questions. 

“I doubt they’ll offer congratulations.” Rey said with a harsh laugh, climbing out of the bed, “But it should come from me. I can only imagine what you might tell them.”

“From a nobody scavenger from Jakku to the Empress of the Galaxy.” Ben said with a triumphant smirk. “They should be overjoyed for you.”

“I don’t think they’ll see it that way.” Rey said with an edge of bitterness as she removed the dark tunic she wore, tossing it to the ground.

Ben swallowed thickly as he drank in the sight of Rey standing before him, completely naked save for her underwear. “You’re gorgeous, Rey.”

Rey‘s skin flushed red as she reached for her breast band. “Thanks.” She remarked, meeting his eyes briefly before she turned her back to him. 

“You’re welcome.” He said quietly as he removed his pants and replaced them with a fresh pair from his closet. “I… I didn’t mean to stare.”

“How could you not? I was standing in the middle of the room nearly naked. I would’ve been concerned if you hadn’t looked.” She looked back over her shoulder at him. “Though, modesty seems a little silly seeing as I just got you off.”

“Fair point.” Ben said with a nod, rubbing at the back of his neck. Modesty wasn’t the only thing that had changed after  _ that.  _ Ben didn’t know how he was supposed to sleep beside her now? Was he going to keep getting morning surprises?

 

* * *

 

“Rey?  _ Rey _ ! What the hell are you doing here?” Finn questioned as she approached the holding cell, reaching out through the bars to grab her shoulders. “Wait a second…” He trailed off as he looked past Rey and saw Ben looming behind her. “What’s he doing here?  _ Rey _ ?”

Rey drew in a deep breath, standing taller. “You’re really lucky, Finn. If I hadn’t been here, I’m afraid Phasma may have made the decision about your fate.”

“I don’t understand.” Finn looked towards his female accomplice that shared the cell with him, dropping his hands back behind the bars.

Ben stepped forward, placing his hands on Rey’s shoulders. “Rey has decided to free both of you. You will be allowed to take an escape pod and join your  _ Rebel  _ friends on Crait.”

“Can someone explain what’s going on?” The young woman questioned, looking between Finn and the pair on the other side of the bars. 

“Rey…?”

Rey glanced backwards at Ben, smiling faintly before she looked back to her friend. “I don’t know how to explain this, to make you understand, but… I’m staying here with Ben. Everything has changed since I last saw you, Finn.  _ Everything _ . I care for him.”

“What have you done to her? Rey would never do this! Rey! You  _ bastard _ . This is some mind trick. Rey! Come on. You know better than this.”

Rey shook her head. “This was my decision.” She reached out and keyed in the code to open the cell, letting them out. 

“I don’t understand.” Finn glared at the pair of them. “This has gotta be a trick. Rey, come on! You know what sort of monster he is.”

“She’s made her decision.” Ben asserted, fixing the defector with a scathing look. “Phasma isn’t the only one that would see you executed. You should thank The Empress for sparing your lives.”

“ _ Empress _ ?” Finn widened his eyes as he stared at Rey. “What the hell?”

“Just go Finn. I’ve already made an escape pod ready for you.” Rey lowered her head, her shoulders sagging under the weight of Finn’s scrutiny. 

Ben leaned forward and pressed a kiss to the back of her head, running his hands over her shoulders. 

“Have you lost your damn mind Rey?” Finn questioned as stepped past them. 

“Maybe. But this is the path I’m taking. And I hope that in time you see it was the right one. Tell Leia that her son is safe with me.” 

Ben dropped one of his hands down to curl around her hip. “Tell her that I’m finally free of Snoke.” He said carefully. “That Rey and I intend to bring  _ balance _ .” 

“I’ll tell her.” Finn gritted out, his gaze flickering down to where Ben’s hand was, noting the way Rey was leaning back against him. “I’ll tell her exactly what I found here.”

“Shouldn’t we show them to the escape pod?” Rey questioned as Finn and the girl slipped past them. 

“I’m sure FN-2187 knows exactly how to escape.” Ben bit out. “That didn’t go too poorly did it?”

Rey turned around to face him, resting her hands on his chest as she looked up at him. “Better than I expected. But the look in his eyes…” 

He wiped away a tear as it slid down her cheek. “Let him go, Rey. Let them all go.” Ben curled his arm around her waist and leaned down to kiss her. “It’s going to be okay Rey. We have each other now.”


	2. Chapter 2

“This seems like an impractical room to  _ rule _ from.” Rey said as she looked around the throne room. Hux had followed their orders. All signs of Snoke’s rule was gone and the carnage had been cleared away without a trace. “People want their rulers among them, not looming somewhere high above using holograms to bark out orders.”

Ben moved to sit down on the throne, closing his eyes as he smoothed his hands over the armrests. He still couldn’t fathom the fact that Snoke was  _ really  _ gone. That after all the years of being under his thumb, he was finally free. It had been so simple. And it had been Rey that finally pushed him there. Snoke wasn’t allowed to pollute their connection. He couldn’t have lost Rey too. He would’ve lost himself.

He cracked one eye open, “What? Is a man not allowed to bask in the glory of his victory?”

Rey laughed, her hands resting her hips. “I was telling you how you should  _ rule. _ You should’ve been listening!”

“You were saying something about not using holograms.” Ben gave her a look. “The throne stays.” He said, drumming his fingers against the arms.

“There’s only one.” Rey arched a brow, her gaze flickering over the length of him as he stretched out on the throne.

“There’s room for two.” He quipped, patting his lap with a smirk. 

Rey laughed, shaking her head. “I should’ve known that’s where you were going with this.”

“Come on Rey. I want you to feel the power I feel sitting here.” He stretched his legs out and leaning back against the throne. “Sit with me Rey.”

“If I sit on your lap, I don’t think you’ll listen to me at all.” Rey said with a nervous chuckle as she moved towards him, stepping in between his sprawled our legs. 

“You might be right there.” Ben drawled out. “But I’ll try to behave.”

“You better.” Rey warned lightly as she moved to gracefully sit herself down on his lap, resting her arm across his shoulders. “Now, like I was saying… we can’t sit up here and expect our crew to respect us. We need to be present and among them. Proving to them that we can rule.” Her fingers played with the hair at the nape of his neck. 

“That’s a good point. Snoke would stay here, surrounded by those guards. He would summon us to his throne room, chastise and punish.” He shuddered, the memories of how Snoke treated him were like ice down his spine. “I don’t want to rule like that.”

“Then we won’t.” Rey promised, gently running her fingers through his hair. “He did more than just mentally torment you, didn’t he?” She questioned. As if the answer wasn’t blatantly obvious.

Ben set his jaw hard. “Mental, emotional, physical. It was all the same. He was trying to mold me into  _ his _ perfect weapon.” 

Rey brushed her fingers along his jaw, nudging his chin for him to look at her. “No one is ever going to use you again, Ben. I’ll make sure of it.”

Ben closed his eyes, leaning into her touch as he ran his hand along the length of her side. “I wouldn’t protest  _ you _ using me, Rey.”

Rey shifted on his lap. Her intention clearly wasn’t to arouse him, but it happened nonetheless. “I wouldn’t use you Ben. You deserve your own autonomy. For once in your life.” 

“But I would let you.” Ben said lowly, leaning to brush his lips along the column of her throat. 

She tilted her head to give him better access to her throat, her fingers winding through his hair. “ _ Ben _ .” 

“You’re stronger than me, Rey. So  _ powerful _ .” Ben murmured, nipping at her earlobe. “I would kneel before you. Worship you.” 

Rey inhaled sharply, grinding her ass down against his hardening cock, pointedly this time. “Then worship me.” She took his hand and brought it to her breast, urging him to touch her there.

Ben sucked gently at her pulse point as he circled his thumb around her nipple through her thin tunic. It wasn’t very cold in the throne room and he knew that meant the pebbled peaks poking against He tunic was because of  _ him.  _ “Show me how.” He whispered into her ear. 

Rey tugged at his hair to urge his mouth away from her neck, turning her head to kiss him. “I’ll show you.” She mumbled against his lips, before she repositioned herself, so her back was to his chest. Rey took his hand again, sliding it down her stomach, until it came to rest between her thighs. 

Ben pressed his lips to her shoulder, his fingers experimentally stroking over her through her thin leggings. He could feel the warmth of her flesh, her arousal, leaving the fabric damp beneath his fingertips. He ran his other hand up her side to grasp at her breast, wanting her to feel just as good as she’d made him feel that morning. 

Rey ground her ass down against him again, making him grit out her name through clenched teeth. “Rub your finger right here.” She urged, bringing his finger to rest over her clit. 

“Like this?” Ben questioned, experimentally circling the little bundle of nerves. 

Rey’s lips parted with a breathy moan and she nodded her head. “ _ Fuck _ .” She reached behind her with her other hand, curling her fingers in his hair. She rocked her hips in time with each stroke of his finger over her clit, driving him absolutely mad. 

“I need  _ more _ .” She gasped, her back arching against his chest. “I need more Ben.” Rey said desperately. Ben pulled his hand away, tugging at the waistband of her leggings, drawing them down her hips enough for him to finally  _ touch _ her. 

He groaned as he felt how slick she was for him, slipping his fingers between her soft folds. “ _ Rey. _ ” He groaned.

“That’s it.” She urged, curling her hand around his wrist, “ _ Oh _ .” Rey trembled as he pressed a single finger into her, his thumb tightly circling her clit. “Ben!” 

He pressed his face into the crook of her neck as her inner muscles clenched around his finger, making him rock his cock up against her ass, trying to sate his own need. 

Rey leaned back against him, raking her fingers through his hair. “Oh stars.” She breathed out. “I should’ve known your fingers would be  _ good _ .” She giggled almost girlishly, a sound that seemed foreign coming out of Rey. 

“Happy to serve.” Ben murmured, his face still buried in her neck. “If you keep rocking your hips like that, you’re going to ruin me.” She pointedly ground her hips against him, eliciting a sharp gasp from him. “ _ Rey _ .”

Rey shifted again, pulling her leggings back up her hips before she turned on his lap, stretching her legs over the arm of the throne so she was strewn across him. “We don’t want our fun to be over so soon, do we?” 

“ _ No _ .” Ben shook his head, meeting her eyes. He was fairly certain he looked like he was teetering on the edge of madness, mostly because he  _ was _ . He leaned in to kiss her, scraping his teeth over her bottom lip as he languidly kissed her. He ran his hand along her side, trailing his thumb along the underside of the swell of her breast. 

The sound of the elevator whirring open forced them to break apart. It was Hux. Of course it was Hux. Ben clenched his first tight enough to make his knuckles turn white. 

“What do you  _ want _ ?”

Rey brushed her fingers over his hand, her eyes imploring him to relax. “General Hux, what a  _ pleasant  _ surprise.” She said easily as she remained exactly where she was on Ben’s lap. 

“Should I return when you’re finished, Supreme Leader?”

“What did you need?” Rey questioned, ignoring the snide tone in his question. 

Hux pointedly remained silent, starring past Rey. 

“She asked you a question.” Ben spat out, going rigid at his insolence. He wanted nothing more than to choke him until his eyes popped out of his head, but Rey wouldn’t let him do that. 

“It pertains to the Rebels.” He said carefully. 

“And I asked you what you needed.” Rey slid her legs off of the arm of the throne, sitting upright upon Ben’s lap. 

“Should we advance on Crait?”

Rey tilted her head to look at Ben, arching a brow. 

“The Rebels are weak.” Ben asserted, “They shouldn’t bother us any further.” He wanted to wipe them out, but Rey didn’t. And he wanted her to stay more than his revenge mattered.

“We have detected a beacon coming from the surface. They’re sending a distress message out.”

“What the Rebels fail to understand,” Ben started steadily, knowing that it was potentially  _ news  _ to Rey. “General Organa has lost the respect of much of the galaxy. She may inspire rebels, but those that desire to avoid the wrath of the First Order know better than to respond. Ignore it. Ignore them.”

“Is there anything else General?” Rey questioned coldly, crossing her arms across her chest as she glared across the vast room at Hux’s demeaned stature.

“No. That was all.” Hux said, turning his back to them, but he didn’t get very far.

Rey held her hand up and stopped him with the Force, dragging him backwards a few feet. “General Hux, I believe there is an appropriate way to address your leaders and that was not it.”

General Hux turned to face them, his eyes widening as he stared at Rey. “Is there anything else you need from me, Supreme Leaders?”

Ben exchanged looks with Rey, just in time. That’s all.” Rey said with a dismissive wave of her hand. “Please inform the troops to await  _ our  _ commands.”

He kept his gaze down, “Very well.  _ Thank you _ .” He turned on his heels and headed for the elevator. 

“Do you have any idea how attractive you’re like that?” Ben questioned, staring at Rey in pure awe as she moved off of his lap. 

Rey crossed her arms across her chest, her brows furrowing together. “What did you mean about your mother losing respect?”

Ben sighed, raking his fingers through his hair. “She aided in the creation of me.” He answered simply, before he continued “Of course no one believes the truth of it, that my uncle tried to murder me and that she took his side. But the galaxy knows that aligning themselves with her means aligning themselves  _ against _ me. Against us.”

“Because you’ll destroy their planets if they turn against you?” She questioned bitterly, turning her gaze away from him. 

Ben shrugged. “It depends.”

She fixed him with a look. “Ruling by fear and intimidation is not the way to go, Ben Do you want to become the very thing you destroyed?” She questioned, gesturing to the throne he sat upon. 

Ben went stiff. “The throne is ours now, Rey. However  _ he  _ used it, it doesn’t matter.” Ben rose to his feet slowly, rolling his shoulders back as he stood up straight. 

Rey shook her head and stared at the ground. “That’s not how I  _ want _ to rule.”

He swallowed thickly, studying the way her shoulders were pitched forward. “Then we won’t rule that way.” He said gently. 

She knew exactly how to get the answers she wanted out of him.  And he didn’t even hold it against her. 

“Thank you.” Rey said quietly with a small smile, lifting her gaze to meet his. “You’re more adaptable than I expected.”

“That’s because I want to please you, Rey.” Ben admitted, pressing his lips together. 

“Of course you do.” Rey sighed, moving towards him. “I was so content in my loneliness on Jakku.  Because I had a reason to stay. But I get it now. Doing  _ anything _ to prevent the loneliness from returning.” 

Ben brushed his knuckles over her cheek, tucking her hair behind her ears. “Will you tell me about your life on Jakku?”

Rey leaned into his touch. “It wasn’t very exciting.” She assured him, turning her head to kiss his palm. “I spent my days scavenging for scraps to trade for rations, hoping that one day my parents might return.” 

“I’m sorry your parents abandoned you.” Ben said as he brushed his thumb over her lips. “I know how that feels… even if you may not see my situation as the same.”

“ _ No _ . I get it now.” Rey lifted her hand to curl around his, holding his gaze. “You were betrayed not only by your Master, but by your uncle. He mistook Snoke’s darkness as yours and tried to kill you. And your parents… your parents never knew what Luke did. They believed him. They abandoned you.” 

Ben pulled her to him, wrapping his arms around her and burying his nose in her hair. She understood him as no one ever had, as no one had ever even  _ tried  _ to understand him. 

* * *

Rey sat cross legged on  _ their  _ bed with her datapad resting on her legs. Her brow was furrowed and she chewed on her thumbnail as she studied the information. 

“Are you enjoying the specs?” Ben questioned as he watched her from his chair across the room. 

“Mhm.” She answered without lifting her gaze from the datapad. “Did  _ you _ choose the names?”

Ben chuckled and shook his head. “No. Though they do sound quite imposing don’t they?”

Rey arched a brow. “Absolution, Finalizer, Conqueror, Harbinger, Subjugator, and Retribution sounds like the First Order is over compensating.”

“Are you suggesting we  _ rename _ First Order ships?” Ben mimicked her expression and arched a brow. “I don’t see that happening. The fleets are meant to be intimidating.” 

“Suit yourself.” Rey said, turning her eyes back to the datapad. 

Ben ran a hand over his face and blew out a breath. “We can’t make such drastic changes so soon. Unless you intend for us to  _ fail _ .”

Rey shoot him a look. “Do I look like someone who would want to fail?”

“No.” He clicked his tongue against his teeth. “No, you don’t.”

“The First Order will not succeed if it’s only operation is destruction. The Rebels have been neutralized. They pose no threat to us now. We need to rebuild. Strengthen our forces and our support, and then prove to the galaxy that we can  _ help _ them.” She sat her datapad aside. “War is a great economic booster, but the money being spent on weapons and ships could be put to use funding growth along the Outer Rim.”

“For someone who spent her entire life  _ alone  _ on Jakku you are very wise.” Ben canted his head to the side. “How did you learn about ruling Rey?”

“I read a lot,” She admitted, tucking a stray lock of hair behind her ears. “And sometimes wealthy War investors would come to Jakku to look for parts from the Battle of Jakku. They were a window into a world beyond Jakku. Not a good world, but a world nonetheless.” 

“I’m surprised no one tried to get you to leave with them.”

Rey made a face. “I was waiting for my parents.  _ Remember _ .” She rolled her eyes and scooter back on the bed so she could lean against the wall. “So you’ve really…  _ never _ ?”

Ben shook his head, rubbing at the back of his neck. “Is it really that surprising?”

“You’ve got a fleet of soldiers under your command. I’m just impressed no one attempted to get ahead.” She shrugged. “You’re a handsome man, Ben.”

“I believe I’m  _ intimidating _ .” Ben said with a low chuckle. “I also believe rumors of my temper precede me.”

Rey hummed, “Fair point.” She smirked at him, her eyes sweeping over him. 

“I don’t feel as unbalanced with you at my side, Rey.”

“You also don’t have Snoke trying twist your mind.” She pointed out.

“I can finally think clearly.” Ben swept his fingers through his hair. “And it’s all because of you Rey.”

Rey shook her head. “You killed Snoke. You freed yourself.”

“If you hadn’t come here,” He started, leaning forward, resting his elbows against his knees. “I wouldn’t have had the push I needed to finally kill the bastard. Killing you was never an option.  _ Never _ . And the fact he was pushing me to do it meant he needed to die.”

Rey swallowed thickly, her lashes fluttering. “For a second I thought you might actually kill me.” She admitted, wringing her hands. “But the hatred in your eyes wasn’t meant for me.”

“He was a  _ monster _ .” Ben clenched his fists. 

“Easy there, Ben.” Rey said lightly as she uncrossed her legs and moved to get off the bed. “Relax.” She strode across the room and stopped in front of him. “Hey,  _ hey _ . He can’t hurt you anymore.”

Ben blew out a shaky breath, relaxing his hands as he looked up at her. “I know he can’t.” His brows knit together and he reached out to touch her arm just beneath where she had been injured by one of Snoke’s guards. “We should have one of the medical droids take a look at this.”

Rey tilted her head to look where his fingers were brushing her skin. “It’s not that bad.” 

“They do good work.” He remarked, gesturing to his cheek. 

“The scar strangely suits your face, you know.” Rey told him, smiling down at him. “It makes you look handsome.”

Ben licked his lips and chuckled. “You’re just saying that.”

Rey leaned forward and kissed the scar. “I’m not just saying anything. I mean it.”

“You gave it to me,” Ben turned his head to kiss her. “You better like it.”


	3. Chapter 3

“I could get used to this.” Ben remarked as he watched Rey loosening her hair as she approached their bed. 

“And what’s that?” Rey questioned, pulling back the covers and joining him beneath the sheets. 

“ _ This _ .” Ben curled his arm around her waist as she rolled onto her side to face him. “Going to bed with you. The routine of it.” He mused, rubbing his thumb over the curve of her hip. “I’ve always slept alone, except when I was a child.”

Rey’s brows knit together. “I only kind of remember my parents.” She shifted closer to him, “I feel like I thought about them so much that their memories just sort of faded away.”

“I’m sorry.” Ben frowned, “Do you remember anything about them?” He questioned, reaching out to brush over her mind gently, “I could see only outlines when I looked.”

Rey closed her eyes, relaxing and letting him into her mind. “That’s how I always see them. Just outlines. Solid forms of nothingness.” She inhaled raggedly as a memory played out before them. Ben was stood beside her, both of them barefoot in the sand as they watched a young version of herself playing at the feet of her parents. Their voices were muffled, but it was clear that they were playing a game, laughing as they shuffled the deck. 

“I think I was two.” Rey said, reaching for Ben’s hand, curling her fingers around his fingers as they watched her mother - or maybe it was her father, sweep her up into their arms, letting her settle against their chest as they kept playing. “They’re always like phantoms. Shadowy figures interacting with me.”

“I’m sorry that they didn’t love you like you deserved to be.” Ben squeezed her hand, pulling her closer to him as the vision shifted. He could feel her pushing at his own memories and she relented, letting him in.

The world shifted around them, their surroundings becoming a bright white room, ostentatiously decorated, pristine. 

“My mother’s room.” Ben’s voice trembled, as Leia strode into the room with a young Ben fast at her heels. 

“Where’s Han?”

Ben tensed, “ _ Gone _ .” 

“Dada?” His young visage questioned, tugging at Leia’s robes. 

“He’ll be back soon.” Leia assured him, scooping him up in her arms. “He just went on a little trip.”

“Where did he go?” Rey questioned, her eyes transfixed on the memory. 

“I don’t know. I just know he was gone for three months. He wasn’t ready to settle down. I don’t think he ever was.” Ben bowed his head, pushing them out of the memory, “Not the epic love story that the legends tell.” 

Rey slowly opened her eyes, meeting his as she shifted closer to him. “He did love you. I saw it in his eyes.”

Ben pulled away from her, rolling onto his back. “Then he could’ve tried harder to be there for me when it mattered. Not after it was too late.” 

Rey shivered, burrowing under the covers, “Your rage is so  _ cold _ when it comes to your parents. Why?”

“Get out of my mind, Rey.” Ben bit out, blocking her probing. 

“You started it.” Rey retorted, pointedly rolling onto her stomach and pressing herself close to his side. “For what it’s worth I’m sorry too.”

“Thanks.” Ben sighed. “We should sleep. We have a  _ long _ day ahead of us tomorrow.”

“It’ll do us good to see what condition our officers are in. We need to put faces to names. It’s good for rapport.”

“And where’d you learn that from?”

“An arms dealer from Tinnel IV.” Rey answered. 

Ben’s brows knit together and he turned to face her, wrapping his arm around her. He wanted to ask her more about what she went through on Jakku, but a part of him didn’t want to  _ know _ . Not tonight at least. 

 

* * *

Rey was already in the ‘fresher by the time Ben finally woke up. He could hear her humming beyond the door and it made him smile as he lazily rose from the bed. 

He rubbed at the back of his neck as he moved towards his wardrobe. Rey’s pile of clothes caught his attention, his brows furrowing together as he studied the faint blue glow emanating from her tan arm wraps. 

“ _ No _ .” Ben pushed the fabric aside to reveal a two-way beacon laying among her things. 

The water shut off in the ‘fresher and Rey emerged from the steamy room with a towel wrapped around her body. “You’re up finally!” She said cheerily, before her expression fell. “It’s not what it looks like.”

Ben glared at her, “This  _ isn’t _ a two-way beacon?” He questioned, his fist balling up at his side. “Then what it is it?”

“A two-way beacon.” Rey sighed, moving towards him, but he stepped backwards to keep space between them. “ _ Ben _ .”

“Who has the other side of this?”

“Your mother.” Rey pinched the bridge of her nose, “It’s really not what it looks like. When I left D’Qar she gave it to me so I could find my way back if they moved the base while I was on Ahch-To. I’ve had it with me since then and…”

“So this will show me where they are?”

Her brows knit together, “Yes.” 

He laughed a little as he curled his fingers around the device. “This is a very useful device for us to have, Rey. We can monitor if they leave Crait.” His eyes flashed back to hers, “But they’ll also know where we are. You should’ve told me you had this.”

Rey frowned, “I was going to destroy it when I got a chance.” She admitted. 

The realization slowly crept up on him. He could feel his pulse thumping faster in his veins. “Is this how your little friends got on the ship?” Ben questioned, his jaw clenched hard. “Did you help them get here?”

“ _ What _ ? No!” Rey moved towards him again and this time he held his ground as she reached out to curl her fingers around his hand. “I came here without  _ anyone _ knowing. Except for Chewie. They know  _ now _ because we let them know I was here by setting them free.” She pried the beacon out of his hand. “I haven’t used this. I  _ promise _ .”

Ben narrowed his eyes. “I don’t believe you.”

“Do you really  _ not _ trust me?”

“You’ve already revealed that you’d do  _ anything _ to get what you wanted.” Ben taunted.

Rey reared back and slapped him across his face. “Watch your kriffing mouth!” She snarled, narrowing her eyes at him. “Do you really think I would be stupid enough to  _ tell _ you any of that, if my plan had been to manipulate you?”

Ben rubbed his cheek, “Why wouldn’t you?”

Rey huffed, “Because that’s  _ stupid _ ! If I wanted to manipulate you, I wouldn’t clue you in on the fact that I’ve used what I have to get what I wanted in the past.” She stared at him incredulously, before chucking the beacon back at him. “You can have this. I don’t want it.”

“ _ Rey _ .” Ben let the beacon hit the ground, advancing towards her. “I just want to know I can trust you.”

Rey whirled around to face him, “That’s the thing about trust, Ben. You just have to do it. I can’t show you I’m trustworthy. You have to  _ believe _ that I am.” Ben could feel the rage coursing through her, leaving a metallic taste on his tongue. “Just like I trust you when I really have  _ no  _ reason to. When most circles of the galaxy would think I’ve lost my mind.”

Ben bowed his head forward. “I’m sorry I doubted you.” 

“Apology  _ not _ accepted.” Rey said snidely, tightly crossing her arms across her chest. “We have an appointment to make. Could you please get dressed?”

Ben blinked, her words stinging him. “ _ Of course _ .” He drawled out, keeping his gaze low as he moved to grab his clothes out of the wardrobe.

“Change in the ‘fresher. I’m changing out here.” Rey said as she brushed past him closely. 

“ _ Rey _ -“ Ben started, but the withering look she gave him stopped him. “Right… ‘fresher it is.” He’d really fucked this one up. 

 

* * *

Rey’s composure was  _ incredible _ . She was calm and collected as she spoke to the First Order officers, learning their names and where they originated from. 

He may have let go of his morning blunder, but Rey had most assuredly not. His adoring looks were met with furrowed brows and annoyance. 

“Lover’s spat?” Hux questioned as he stopped beside Ben. “It’s been what? Two days?”

Ben gritted his teeth hard enough to actually hurt his jaw. Rey must’ve felt the sudden shift in his emotions too, because her eyes found his across the room. “Don’t test my patience, Hux.”

“You don’t scare me.” Hux retorted with a smirk. “Snoke was right about the girl. She’s a weakness for you.”

“You don’t know what you’re talking about.”

Hux glared at him. “You’re like a love sick harpy around her. It’s pathetic. Is this what the great Kylo Ren has become? Standing at the sidelines while his little  _ Empress _ plays nice with your pawns?”

Ben turned quickly to face Hux, lifting his hand as though he meant to choke the General, but he felt Rey forcing his hand back down. 

“Is there a problem?” Rey questioned as she moved to stand beside them, “What is it General Hux?”

“Nothing  _ Empress _ .” Hux said with a smug grin. “The Emperor and I were just  _ admiring  _ you.”

“I find that hard to believe.” Rey shot Ben a look. “Why don’t you join me?” She took his hand, forcing him to release the tight fist he had made. 

“I wanted to rip his throat out.” Ben said lowly. 

“Because that would’ve been a  _ wonderful _ thing to do. Can you not control yourself at all?”

“I  _ didn’t  _ kill him did I?” He bit out. “He knows how to push my buttons.”

“Control yourself.” Rey gave him a sideways look. “This is the start of  _ our  _ new order. And these people need their Emperor.”

 

* * *

Rey perched on the edge of the throne, her eyes following him as he paced back and forth. “Are you going to keep doing that?”

“Are you going to stay mad at me?”

“ _ Probably _ . I’ll just be less dizzy.” Rey retorted, “Seriously Ben… stop pacing.”

Ben stopped, turning to face her. “You can’t blame me for wondering if you were manipulating me.” He swept his fingers through his hair. “You had a two-way beacon hidden in your belongings… I didn’t mean to imply anything else.”

Rey rolled her eyes, drumming her fingers against the arms of the throne. “I realize it looked bad, but the rational thing would’ve been to ask me about it, rather than  _ accuse  _ me.”

“I did! I asked you what it was.”

“It’s not the same when you ask someone  _ accusingly. _ ” Rey raked her gaze over him. “You really need to learn social graces.”

“Says the girl who lived in the desert alone.” He retorted snidely, instantly regretting it. “I’m sorry.”

“You should be.” Rey looked away from him. “For someone who claimed he would kneel before me, you sure don’t seem to trust me. Do you really think so little of me?”

“I didn’t mean it disparagingly.”

“Well that’s how it came across.” Rey arched a brow, slowly turning her head to look at him again.

“How can I make it up to you Rey? I don’t want us to fight.” Ben lifted his gaze to meet hers. 

Rey started at him silently, before she lifted her hand and crooked her finger, gesturing him to come before the throne. “ _ Kneel _ .”

Ben didn’t need to be asked twice. He dropped to his knees before her, keeping his head down. “I’m  _ sorry _ .”

“Your mouth has been getting you into a lot of trouble today, perhaps you should put it to use doing something else.” Rey said lowly, her voice a little huskier than usual. 

Ben’s eyes widened. “ _ Oh _ .” He sat up straighter, resting his hands on her knees. “This was not how I expected this to go.”

Rey smirked at him, lifting her hips up so she could slide her leggings down her thighs. Ben drew them down her knees as she toed off her boots. 

Ben licked his lips, meeting her heated gaze before he lowered his head to plant a kiss on the tops of her knees. Rey scooted her hips forward on the throne, before she leaned back, spreading her legs for him.

Rey slid her fingers into his hair, guiding him to exactly where she wanted him. 

He groaned against her slick folds as she tugged at his hair hard enough to make his scalp burn, in a good way. His tongue swept out, seeking out that little bundle of nerves that he knew wound her up. 

He ran his hands along her inner thighs, spreading them apart wider as he all but devoured her. She tasted  _ divine _ . He could easily get drunk on the taste of her arousal on his tongue. 

“That’s it Ben.” Rey urged, letting her head fall back as she moaned softly, rocking her hips towards his mouth. 

Ben trailed his fingers higher, his tongue focused on her clit as he pressed one and then two fingers into her. He groaned, drawing in a ragged breath as her fingers clenched around his fingers and all he could think about was what it would feel like to be buried in her. 

“ _ Ben!” _ Rey gasped out, tightening her grip on his hair as he crooked his fingers within her, finding a sweet spot within her. “I’m close. I’m so close Ben.”

He sucked at her clit, swirling his tongue around it as he continued thrusting his fingers in and out of her, sweeping them over that spot within her each time he started to draw them out. 

Rey’s back arched, her toes curling as her release hit. Her inner muscles clenched tightly around his fingers, her legs trembling. Ben dropped his other hand down to palm himself through his pants, groaning as he drew his fingers out of her, keeping his tongue on her folds. 

“Apology accepted.” Rey mumbled, stroking her fingers through his hair lazily. 

Ben rested his cheek against her thigh, looking up at her as he stroked his cock through his pants. “Fuck  _ Rey _ .” He rasped out, clenching his eyes closed, trying to steady his labored breathing. 

“Stand up.” Rey said then, tugging at his hair. 

Ben dropped his hand away from his cock reluctantly, rising to his feet stiffly. “I… I’m  _ pathetically  _ close.” He admitted to her, his cheeks flushed with a blush. 

“Let me.” She pulled his pants down his hips, freeing his cock from the confines, curling her fingers around it, slowly dragging her hand along the length. 

“ _ Kriff _ .” He swore, gripping her shoulder for support, fairly certain his legs might just give out on him.

Rey leaned forward then and wrapped her lips around the head of his cock, swirling her tongue around him and that was all it took. 

Ben cried out her name, his voice echoing off the walls of the vast room. She sat back on the throne with a smirk as she licked her lips. 

“ _ Stars _ .” Ben muttered as he sank back down onto his knees. “Wow.” He laughed breathlessly, resting his forehead against her knee. 

“One might argue I just got what I wanted.” Rey said with a teasing tone, running her fingers through his hair. 

“I think we both just got what we wanted.” Ben remarked, tilting his head to look up at her, flashing her a genuine smile. “I really am sorry.”

Rey smiled too. “I know.”


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you all so much for reading! I'm really looking forward to exploring the dynamic between these two. Thank you for joining me on this little adventure! This is a somewhat shorter chapter than the others :)

Ben tossed the beacon back and forth between his hands absentmindedly as he watched Rey reading her datapad at the other side of the bed. She was leaning back against the pillows, her brows furrowing together as she studied each new page of material. Perhaps he should have worried about letting her learn all the inner workings of the First Order, but he was actively trying to  _ trust _ her fully. Praying to whatever deity that might listen to him that Rey wouldn’t turn out like everyone else and stab him in the back. 

“The Dreadnought was the sole Mega-class in existence, correct?” Rey questioned, looking up from the datapad with a quizzical look. “Or are there more?”

Ben rubbed his lips together thoughtfully, “I believe there are attempts to build another. They’re expensive, but there’s a supplier…” He frowned, remembering her earlier comment about the arms dealer she had encountered on Jakku. “It comes with a hefty price.” 

Rey glanced back down at her datapad, “I had another question.” She swiped her thumb over the screen, flipping back a few pages. “This Commandant Brendol Hux… Is this the father of the thorn in our side?”

Ben laughed, nodding his head. “That it is. He was a well respected architect of the First Order. Armitage was his bastard with some nobody from the kitchen.” 

Her brows shot up at his comment, “Watch who you call a nobody.” Rey made a face, before she continued. “And where is Commandant Hux today?” 

“Dead.” Ben said flatly. “His son carried out an assassination. Hux believes that no one knows, seeing as he had Phasma do it, but… everyone knows that the conniving bastard did it for the power.” 

Rey’s brows furrowed and she sat her datapad aside, “That means he’s willing to kill  _ anyone _ to get what he wants.” 

“He’d have someone else do it. He doesn’t like getting his hands personally messy.” Ben remarked, sitting the beacon on the bed beside him. 

“Whereas you’d just do it yourself. And did.” 

He felt the color drain out of his face. “Well…  _ yes _ .” Ben blew out a breath, avoiding her gaze. “I think I regret it.” 

“Regret what?”

Ben gave her a knowing look. “You _ know  _ what.” He looked down at his hands, closing his eyes. “I compartmentalized it. Boxed it away and stuck it up on a high shelf. It was easier that way. I could use the pain… use it to fuel the fire in my chest, but it wasn’t  _ real _ .” 

“I get that.” Rey shifted on the bed, scooting down to sit knee to knee with him, reaching out to take his hands. “It’s easier that way. To do something and then pack it away, hoping that it won’t seep out of the box in the night. Grab you by the feet and drag you out of your bed kicking and screaming.” 

Ben opened his eyes slowly to meet hers, “What did you go through on Jakku, Rey?” 

Rey blinked quickly as she held his gaze, before she looked down at their hands. “It really wasn’t that common of an occurrence.” She said quietly. “But when your stomach feels like it’s going to tear you apart because you haven’t eaten in a week… and you’ve dragged your meager scavenge  _ miles  _ only to get an eighth of a ration that tastes like sawdust… How could you say no to a passing trader offering you a meal of fruit and meat in return for a  _ favor _ ?”

Ben squeezed her hands tight. “How old were you?”

“Old enough.” Rey quipped. “None of it was ever good. Good was the food or the money. Mostly the food.” Her stomach grumbles as if on cue. “When did you say the droid would be here?”

Ben glanced at the clock on the bedside table. “Ten more minutes.”

“ _ Good _ .” Rey chewed on her bottom lip. “Why are you looking at me like that?”

“Did they ever hurt you?”

Rey scoffed, “Of course they did. Men are wretched, Ben. Especially when they have something you want and you are  _ what  _ they want.” She shuddered. “But I survived. And I few times I got the last laugh.” She clanked her teeth together pointedly, curling her lips. 

“Was there ever anyone you cared about?”

“You’re  _ very _ curious about all of this, Ben.” She dropped her voice to a conspiratorial tone. “Don’t worry. None of them ever made me come.” Rey teased. 

“They didn’t?” Ben arched a brow. “Why?”

Rey squinted at him, “You really don’t know much about how any of this works, do you?”

“No.” Ben admitted, releasing one of her hands to rub at the back of his neck. “I was taught long enough in the Jedi way to have the whole  _ no attachments  _ indoctrinated into me.” 

“And how do you feel about attachments now?” Rey questioned, resting her hands in her lap as she studied him. 

“In the back of my head it still feels like it shouldn’t be something I want. It was drilled into me again and again. And Snoke wasn’t exactly encouraging attachments either.” Ben pinched the bridge of his nose, exhaling heavily. 

Rey leaned forward, resting her hands on his legs as she pressed her lips to his. “For the record, you don’t seem to have  _ any _ problem having an attachment with me.” She winked at him before she climbed out of the bed just in time for the door to beep with the droid outside it. “I’m starving.” 

Ben watched as she interacted with the droid, keeping good rapport even with the mechanical members of the First Order. She treated everything like it was the most wonderful thing she’d ever encountered. It was endearing. 

“So what has he brought us?” Ben questioned as he moved over to join her at the table. 

Rey patted the droid on the arm, “A bountiful feast. And wine too.” She noted, “Thank you.” The droid beeped in response as it left the room. 

“It looks gorgeous… absolutely delicious,” Ben said, his eyes flickering between her and the food. 

Rey looked up at him. “Me or the food?” She teased as she picked up one of the two wine glasses and took a sip. 

“ _ What _ ?”

“You were looking at me while you were complimenting the food.” Rey pointed out as she popped a berry into her mouth. 

“Sorry.” He laughed nervously, sinking down in the chair across from her. 

“Nothing to apologize for.” Rey assured him, pushing his wine glass towards him. “Drink some. Lighten up.” 

Ben took a sip, smiling at her over his wine glass as he took another sip. “Am I really that-“

“ _ Yes _ .” Rey said with a nod before he even had a chance to finish. “You’re wound up so tight that I can feel it under my skin.” She told him,  “Even when you’re asleep you’re tense.”

“That might just be who I am.” He admitted, reaching for a piece of bread. “I may just be  _ tense _ .”

“I don’t think so.” Rey pursed her lips together. “You just need to learn how to relax. You don’t have to be so on edge anymore.”

Ben opened his mouth to say something about the fact he was still waiting for her to decide to leave, but he thought better of it and closed his mouth. The last thing he needed to do was make a comment that would piss her off. “I’m  _ trying _ .”

Rey tore off a piece of bread and shoved it into her mouth unceremoniously, “Good food always makes me relax.” She remarked, washing the food down with some wine.”And good wine.” 

Ben leaned back in his chair, “I thought the wine would be a nice touch.” 

“I love it.” Rey said with a bright smile, “It’s actually been awhile since I got to indulge in it.” She told him, tearing off another piece of bread and plucking up a piece of cheese to eat it with. 

His brows pinched together, “On Jakku?” He questioned, though he already knew the answer. Of course that’s where she’d encountered opulence like wine. 

“Mhm.” Rey pressed her lips together in a thin line, giving him a questioning look.

Ben shifted in his chair, leaning forward with a frown. Of all things she had learned on Jakku, they all seemed to pertain to him somehow. “You know I would never make you trade sex for food, right?”

Rey’s eyes shot open wide, tilting her head to the side. “I should  _ hope _ not.” 

Ben raked his hand over his face, his skin burning with embarrassment. “What I meant was that…” He blew out a breath, “I don’t think I’m wholly dissimilar from that type of men that you dealt with on Jakku.”

Rey held his gaze as she sat her bread down on her plate, “ _ Ben _ … You’re  _ nothing _ like those men. Nothing!” She sat up straighter, resting her arms on the table as she leaned forward. “You can’t be like those men because you have a  _ heart _ . Sure, you’re not always good at using it, but you have one.” She reached out and squeeze his hand. “Stop worrying.” 

“I’m not worrying…” Ben pursed his lips, tilting his head to the side.. “ _ Alright _ . Perhaps I am worrying.” He squeezed her hand back. “I just finally feel like I’m at the place in my life where I was  _ always _ supposed to be, Rey.” He met her eyes briefly before he looked down at his plate of food, “I don’t want to lose you.”

“I’m not going anywhere.” Rey assured him, rubbing her thumb over the back of his hand. “Take your own advice and let go of the past, Ben.”

“I’m trying.” Ben whispered, his shoulders sagging forward. “It’s not easy.”

“No. It’s  _ not _ .” Rey sighed heavily, “And as nice as it is to compartmentalize everything that’s hurt you, I’m starting to find that it’s actually kinda cathartic to talk about it.” 

Ben swept his fingers through his hair and sat back, “I don’t know if I want to dissect everything in my past. Not yet. Maybe not ever.”

“Then you don’t have to.” Rey replied, plucking up another berry off her plate. “You don’t have to do anything you don’t want to.”

Ben’s lips twitched upwards at the corners. “Neither do you, Rey. We never have to do anything we don’t want to do again.”

“Well,” Rey started, twirling her wine glass between her fingers. “Ruling wasn’t exactly something I  _ wanted  _ to do.”

“You’ve already proven yourself to be a natural at it.”

“Yeah.” She chewed on her bottom lip. “And you’re certain you wouldn’t be willing to run away and leave this all behind?”

“You wouldn’t want the First Order to fall into someone like Hux’s hands. Then both your friends and we would be in danger.” He said with an edge of annoyance to his words. 

Rey’s expression faltered, “No. I definitely wouldn’t want that.”

“You’ll grow to enjoy all of this,” Ben assured her, finishing off his wine and pouring himself a second glass. 

She scoffed. “I think you meant to say  _ tolerate. _ ”

Ben frowned. “It’s not so bad Rey. You’ll grow into it. You already are.”

Rey reached for the wine bottle, filling up her glass. “Reluctantly.”

“ _ Rey _ .”

“I’m still here though, aren’t I?” Rey retorted, “Making the best of this path we’re on together.”

“Are you unhappy?”

Rey shook her head vehemently. “I’m perfectly happy with you, just not with ruling. There’s a difference.”

“You’re willing to do something you don’t want to do because of me?” Ben questioned, studying her curiously.

“Did you  _ want  _ to spare my friends? Because I gave you an ultimatum. If you hadn’t called off the fleet, I wouldn’t be here right now. You make sacrifices for people you care about.” 

“I’m not used to that.” 

“Neither am I.” Rey met his eyes, “It’s nice.”

“Yeah, it is.” Ben smiled at her. After so many years of trying to cut off his emotions, to focus only on rage and hatred it was strange to feel such all consuming warmth in his chest. 


	5. Chapter 5

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Oh, these two. This was how I brought in the New Year.

“We look like quite the pair.” Rey remarked as she admired their reflections in the mirror, smoothing her hands over the dark flowing fabric that fell around her hips. The seamstress droid had replicated garments that weren’t dissimilar from the outfit that he’d first encountered her in, but these seemed far more regal on her. 

“Black suits you.” Ben said as he placed his hands on her shoulders, resting his chin on the top of her head. “This is a very practical outfit.” He trailed one of his hands down her arm, brushing his fingers over her arm wraps. “You know you don’t need these.” 

Rey leaned back against him. “But I like them.” She reached behind her and curled her fingers around the back of his neck, playing her fingers over the hair at the nape of his neck. “I’ve always worn them.” 

Ben sighed contently, enjoying the feel of her fingers playing with his hair. “They do almost seem like part of you.” He met her eyes in the mirror. 

She laughed, turning her head so she could kiss the underside of his jaw. “Never know when you might need a second skin.” Rey turned around to have him then, “I personally think you wear too much clothing.” She ran her hand slowly over his chest. “You’re completely covered from halfway up your neck to well… your toes  _ and _ your fingers most of the time.”

“You have your second skin and I have mine.” He leaned and kissed her. “You’re more than welcome to take it off.”

“We  _ just _ got dressed.” She mumbled against his lips, nipping playfully at his bottom lip. “And we’re meeting with Phasma to discuss the ‘troopers.” 

“Staying here would be  _ far  _ more fun.”

“Ruling isn’t  _ fun _ .” Rey said in a taunting tone. “Imagine if we’d run away together. We could be somewhere lush and green right now, lazily enjoying fruit.”

Ben groaned, pulling her closer. “Now that’s an image.” He ran his hands over her hips, keeping her pressed close to him. “But we have plenty of fruit here to eat.” 

Rey scrunched up her nose, draping her arms over his shoulders. “But wouldn’t you rather be somewhere we didn’t have to have duties?  _ Responsibilities _ .”

“Luckily we don’t report to anyone.” Ben leaned in to kiss her. “We could tell Phasma right now that she’ll have to wait because we’re busy.” 

“But that’s not very appropriate.” Rey tugged lightly at his hair, pulling his head back so she could meet his eyes. “As tempting as it is to stay right here and take this one step further, we have places to be.” 

Ben inwardly groaned at the loss of contact as she stepped away from him. “ _ Right.”  _ He swallowed, standing a little stiffer in response to the effect she’d had on him. “Meetings.” 

Rey gave him a look. “For someone who wanted to rule so badly, you don’t seem to enjoy any of the formalities.” She rolled her eyes. “It’s not all sitting on a throne and barking out orders,  _ Emperor _ .”

He raked his hand over his face. “That’s not fair.”

“What’s not fair,  _ Emperor _ ?” Rey questioned, as she walked backwards, keeping her eyes on him. 

“The way you keep saying my title.” Ben advanced, his eyes raking hotly over her. “How am I supposed to focus on anything now?”

Rey grinned at him, “Oh come on. We both know there’s no way you could keep it up with Phasma’s ominous presence in the room. Or Hux looming in the corner.” She closed the distance between them and kissed him again, curling her arms around him. “You need to be  _ focused _ .” She mumbled against his lips. 

“I’m focused on  _ something _ ,” Ben retorted, dragging his teeth over her bottom lip, sucking it into his mouth. His hand ran down her back, brushing over her ass and pulling her closer to him so she could feel exactly what he was focused on. 

She groaned, “ _ Ben _ .” Rey’s fingers gripped at his shoulders tighter, using them for support as he lifted her up. She wrapped her legs around his waist, grinding her hips against his cock. “This was supposed to be a lesson in  _ discipline _ .” 

“No more lessons.” Ben said lowly, dragging his lips along her jawline as he stepped them backwards until he had her perched on the edge of the table. 

Rey tugged at his hair, drawing his head back so she could meet his eyes, her pupils blown wide with desire that he could feel pulsing through their bond. “No more lessons.” She hissed out before she claimed his mouth again. 

_ Finally _ . 

Ben’s heart was pounding in his chest as he melted into her kiss. He moved one of his hands to cup her breast through her shirt, his other hand gripping her hip as he ground himself against her center. He pushed aside the  _ fear _ that he’d fuck it up, trying to focus solely on the confidence she’d slowly instilled in him, when it came to  _ this _ . 

Rey wound her fingers through his hair, her nails scraping over his scalp. She deepened the kiss, her tongue teased at his lips, slipping inside of his mouth to find his tongue.He had imagined that the first time he truly had her, it would be something romantic and sweet, but it would seem it was going to be on the table in the corner of their room. Somehow, that seemed more fitting.

Ben released his hold on her breast, reaching down to tug at her pants, trying to drag them down her hips, which was difficult given how her legs were wrapped around him. 

“ _ Fuck _ .” Rey breathed, breaking away from his lips, her eyes raking over his face as she helped him wrestle her leggings off. “I regret ever putting these on.” She she retorted, grabbing him by the shoulder and pulling him in for another kiss. 

Ben laughed breathlessly against her lips, “I told  _ you _ .” 

“You did not.” She swatted him across the chest playfully, before her laughter shifted into a moan as his fingers found their way between her thighs. 

“ _ Stars  _ you’re wet.” 

“Did you think you were the only one who gets worked up, Ben?” She questioned with no small amount of sass as she curled her fingers around the edge of the table and rocked her hips into his touch. “ _ Fuck _ .” Rey let out a low moan as Ben pressed two fingers into her slowly, “Bed.”

“What?” His brows shot up. 

“I want you on the bed.” Rey struggled to get the words out as she rocked her hips in time with the slow thrust of her fingers. 

Ben withdrew his fingers, making a show of licking them clean as he took a step backwards. “What? Not into the table?”

“Maybe another time.” Rey assured him as she hopped off the table, her hand going straight for his cock. “Come on.”

Ben didn’t need much more encouragement than that. He followed her to the bed, shedding away his clothes as he moved. 

Rey’s fingers delved into his hair as he covered her body with his.

_ Please be good. Please be good _ . 

She laughed. “I can _ hear _ you.” She tugged at his hair lightly. “Just do what feels natural.” 

Ben nodded, dipping down to kiss her as he settled himself between her thighs. He could feel her soft, slick folds pressed up against his cock and it was  _ almost  _ too much. But he clung to his self-control, unwilling to spoil this moment. 

Rey gently scraped her nails down his back, hooking one of her legs around his hip and rocking against him. “ _ Ben _ .” She breathed out, slowly sliding her hand down his chest, trailing lower and lower until she curled her fingers around his cock.

Ben jerked, his fingers tightening at her hip as he rocked forward. He held her gaze, wanting to remember  _ exactly _ how she looked as she guided his cock to her center. He slowly pressed forward, groaning as he slid into her.

Rey arched her back, letting out a soft cry of pleasure as he started to draw out of her and thrust back in. “That’s it Ben.” She whispered, leaning up to kiss him as she rolled her hips to meet the pace he was starting to build. “Come on.”

Ben scraped his teeth over her bottom lip, before he trailed his mouth along her jawline and throat, lingering at her pulse point, his tongue playing over the thumping vein he could feel there. He could  _ feel _ her through the Force, a steady, building need that felt like it was close to brimming over. 

Rey curled her hand around the back of his neck, her other hand skimming down his spine, her nails scraping over his skin. “ _ Harder _ .”

Ben grunted in response to her request, sucking at her pulse point as he started to pick up the pace of his movements, barely drawing out of her before he was slamming back into her. 

He could feel how close she was, right on the very  _ cusp _ of letting go. But he was closer, pushed closer by the driving pace of his hips as he worked himself in and out of her. Her inner muscles fluttering around his cock. 

Ben slipped his hand between them, circling that little bundle of nerves in an attempt to get her over the edge with him. 

Rey’s nails bit into his shoulders as she clutched at him, desperately rocking her hips, her stomach muscles starting to clench. He could feel the desire coiling up within both of them, ready to snap. 

_ Emperor _ . Rey’s voice echoed in his head as she whispered the word through their connection. That was all it took. 

Ben cried out her name, his body going rigid as the pleasure rocked through him. He kept rolling his hips, milking out their pleasure for as long as he could before he collapsed atop her, pressing his face into the crook of her neck. 

Rey lazily drew her hands over his back, brushing her lips over his shoulder. “That was  _ impressive _ .” 

Ben chuckled, keeping his face in the crook of her neck. “You’re incredible Rey.” He mumbled, his words muffled against her skin. 

She ran her fingers through his hair lightly, keeping her lips pressed to his shoulder. “So were you.” She whispered, wiggling her hips beneath him. “Not bad for your first time.”

Ben sighed, nuzzling her throat. “I’m glad I didn’t disappoint.” He pulled back a little so he could meet her eyes. “Being  _ in  _ you was better than I could have ever imagined.”

Rey’s cheeks turned pink. “Well, having you in me felt pretty good too.” She leaned in and kissed him soundly on the lips. “We still have to meet Phasma, though.”

Ben groaned. “I was hoping we could get out of that.” He said as he slowly pulled out of her and flopped back onto the bed. “I think I need to take a shower before we go.”

“We should conserve water.” Rey said with an impish grin as she sat up and looked down at him. 

“I like the way you think.” Ben smirked. 

 

* * *

Ben steepled his hands as he leaned forward to rest his elbows on the table. “Captain Phasma,” He started, his gaze flickering towards Rey. “It would be wise of you to acknowledge  _ your _ Empress when she’s speaking to you.” 

Phasma curled her hands into fists, “Not even a week ago the  _ girl  _ was aligned with the Rebels. I do not agree with any of this.” She said in her slow, modulated tone. “And I am not the only one who fears the consequences of her position.” 

Rey squeezed Ben’s knee beneath the table when he tensed, rage bubbling beneath the surface. “I understand where you’re coming from,” She said calmly, “But I am no longer aligned with the Rebels.”

“Then why aren’t we  _ ending _ them? They are weak and we could wipe them off the face of the galaxy.” Phasma gritted out. “Why didn’t we make an example of the hostages  _ you _ freed?”

“Are you questioning the actions of your Supreme Leaders?” Ben questioned, narrowing his eyes. 

“You should  _ always _ question the actions of rulers.” Phasma remarked, “You are not infallible.” 

Rey’s jaw clenched, “And you are _ not  _ indispensable.” 

Hux cleared his throat, stepping towards the table. “I fail to see how  _ this _ is strengthening the First Order. In fact,  _ Ren _ , putting your little scavenger girl into a position of power is only going to confuse our men.” 

“And how does it confuse them?” Ben bit out. 

“As Phasma pointed out, a  _ week _ ago she was with the Rebels. She could be here on a reconnaissance mission for them.” Hux glared at Rey. “Before the two of you  _ murdered  _ Snoke, he had expressed concern about your abilities to lead.” 

“You’re a damned liar.” Ben snarled, slamming his fist down on the table. “Snoke said no such thing.” 

“He did.” Hux smirked, looking towards Phasma then. “And it was because of the  _ girl _ . She makes you weak.” 

“I’m right  _ here _ .” Rey said with an edge to her words that sent a shiver down Ben’s spine. “And I am no girl.” 

Hux gave a dark laugh at that, “I’m aware of your presence.” His eyes flickered towards Ben. “A week ago you wouldn’t have spared her  _ friends _ .”

“You’ll remember we clashed over the destruction of the Hosnian system.” Ben said calmly, though he felt anything but calm. “Excessive murder doesn’t serve the First Order.”

“Executing  _ spies _ does however. You sent a message to the Rebels that we are we-“ Before Hux could finish his sentence he grasped at his throat, his face turning red. 

Ben blinked, glancing down at his own hands, before he realized it was Rey who was choking Hux. “ _ Rey. _ ”

“Do we look  _ weak _ to you, General Hux?” Rey taunted, loosening her grip on his throat enough for him to rest his feet on the ground once more. 

“No.  _ Empress _ .” He gasped out, clutching at his throat. 

“Intimidation is an interesting tactic.” Phasma remarked, turning her head towards Hux. “Unexpected from you.”

“Rey has great potential.” Ben said as he rose to his feet. “There’s a darkness in her that rises to meet my own. You’ll do good to heed it.”

“Now,” Rey said calmly, her gaze flickering towards Ben briefly before she glared at Phasma. “Would you like to discuss your training of the ‘troopers?”

“Yes.” Phasma said through gritted teeth. “Of course.”

_ I thought you didn’t want to rule by intimidation.  _ Ben pushed towards Rey. 

_ These two don’t count. They have to know that we could end them if they step out of line.  _ Rey turned to look at him with a slight smirk on her lips.  _ You would’ve done the same _ .

_ I know _ . And that, right there, was what shocked him the most. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yes, that darkness we saw Rey had the potential to fall into is starting to show itself. Did you really think Rey would remain *good* if she'd stayed?


	6. Chapter 6

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Angst.

“How do you manage it?” Rey questioned as she leaned back against his chest, positioning herself so he could continue reading his datapad. 

“Manage  _ what _ ?” Ben ran his hand over her arm, his eyes flickering over the article he was reading. 

“The darkness.” Rey sighed heavily. “It’s like this vast, glassy lake of the coolest water I’ve ever encountered,” She explained, “And no sooner than I step a single foot into it, I’m drowning in it. And it’s in my mouth and my throat, filling up my lungs.” 

Ben sat his datapad aside and kissed the top of her head soothingly. “It’s like fire for me. I can see the flames shooting up from the ground and I reach out and it doesn’t burn at first, but when it does it floods my veins. I’ve grown used to it. The fire and I are old friends.” 

“I happens so quickly. So easily. I thought I was stronger than this.” Rey took his hand in hers and laced their fingers. 

“You  _ are _ strong.” Ben whispered, squeezing her hand. “You’re stronger than me. I know you’re afraid of the Dark side, but I can feel the Light in you. It’s still so strong.” He closed his eyes and reached out to brush against her mind, basking in the warmth of that light. “ _ Warm _ .” 

“I don’t like the way it makes me feel.” She admitted, her pain echoing through their connection. He could feel the ache that had settled into her chest, a sting that was  _ almost _ worse than the wound he’d received from Chewbacca’s bowcaster. “It’s like I can’t breathe sometimes Ben.”

“I know.” He tried to soothe her, but panic started to course through her veins as the image in their minds shifted to that pool of water.

“Look at it Ben.” The manifestation of Rey started for the pool, but he caught her hand, pulling her back. “It looks so inviting. Don’t you want to swim in it?” She questioned. 

The grip he had on her wrist was starting to burn, he could feel his palms sweating beneath his gloves, the heat creeping up his arm and fanning over his chest. “ _ Kriff _ .” He swore, releasing his hold on her and she slipped out of his arms. 

“Rey!” Ben shouted, imploring her to stop, but she was heading for the pool, ready to dive in. “I don’t want you to go this way!” 

She stopped, teetering on the edge of the water. Rey turned to look at him. “You don’t?” 

“I  _ am _ too far gone, Rey.” Ben drew in a ragged breath. He could feel the heat in his veins. “And I don’t want the same for you.” 

“You’re not too far gone. Don’t say that.” Rey took a step away from the edge. “I see light in you Ben.” 

Ben shook his head. “The only light left in me is here,” He lifted his hand to cover his heart. “You kept that from being extinguished.” He bowed his head, afraid to look at her. “Those who are Force sensitive naturally get placed on a pedestal. And ask my Uncle always said… it’s easier to pull someone off, than it is to pull someone up with you.” 

Rey started forward, but she tripped over her own feet, careening backwards into the water before Ben could save her. 

She screamed as she came out of the connection, pitching forward on the bed, scrambling like a frightened animal. He didn’t know how to comfort her. No one had been there to comfort him. 

“I’m so sorry.” Ben whispered, his chest heaving as he tried to catch a breath. His mouth tasted like ash and he knew why. 

“I’m frightened.” Rey curled her legs into her chest, her brows furrowed together. “I’m  _ terrified _ .” 

“So am I.” Ben swallowed thickly, covering his face as he lowered his head. He had wanted her at his side, he had wanted her to rule alongside him, but not at this cost. He knew, all too well, of the seduction of the Dark side. How it offers you everything you want and then snatches it away. 

* * *

Ben sat on the floor beside their bed, his back against the side of it as he let her sleep. He was tired, but he hadn’t wanted to disturb her with his tossing and turning. She had fallen asleep with her hand draped over his shoulder, while he swore he wasn’t tired. 

He stared down at the beacon in his hand, stroking his thumb over the glowing blue device. It was the last connection he had with his mother, aside from the Force - though he had a feeling that she wouldn’t open herself up to him anymore. Not now. 

They probably all assumed that he had turned her.  _ Rey _ . That he had corrupted her and twisted her heart. Maybe he had. Maybe all of it had been because of him. She had said, after all, that this hadn’t been her choice. She hadn’t wanted to rule. And now the darkness was worming its way through her system, poisoning the well. 

She could never go back to the Rebels. Even if she reclaimed her light and parted ways with him. They wouldn’t take her. She was compromised. Tainted by him. He’d seen the flash of hate in her friend’s eyes - the defector. He’d seen the intimacy between the pair of them and he seemed like the sort that would tell everyone what he’d seen. 

Ben knew his mother. She was just and she was merciless. Even if Rey could convince them that all of it was a clever ploy, they’d never trust her. 

Rey was trapped between the darkness and him and sometimes he was certain that they were one in the same. 

She stirred and Ben tensed as she ran her fingers through his hair. “Come to bed, Ben.” She murmured and he pretended he was already asleep until her breathing evened out again and she drifted back to sleep. 

* * *

“Ben wake up.” Rey whispered, poking him in the chest as she leaned over the side of the bed. 

Ben groaned as he popped one eye open, looking up at her. “ _ Morning _ .” He closed his eyes again, rubbing at the back of his neck. He had the worst crick in it from falling asleep the way he had. 

“Why are you still on the floor?”

“I didn’t want to wake you up in the night. It’s fine.” He sat up slowly, rolling his shoulders. “Now I know the floor isn’t comfortable.”

“Get up here.” Rey told him, scooting over to accommodate him under the covers with her. “You didn’t have to stay on the floor.” She draped her arm over him, resting her cheek on his chest. 

“I thought you needed space after…” Ben sighed as he ran his fingers through her hair. “It was a lot, I know.”

Rey pressed a kiss to his chest, looking up at him. “It was  _ overwhelming _ . Intense.” 

“I know. These past few days have been… a lot.” He blew out a shaky breath as he let himself sink back into the mattress. His back was killing him from the floor. “I don’t want to push you, Rey.”

“You’re not pushing me.” Rey lifted her hand to cup his cheek. “As a matter of fact, I recall that I tripped.”

“You know what I meant.” Ben laughed, shaking his head as he smoothed his hand down her back. “Would you mind it if we stayed in bed for a few hours?”

“We’re on course for Coruscant. There’s nothing that needs our attention currently.” Rey lazily drew her fingers over his chest. “You should sleep.”

“I plan to.” Ben closed his eyes. 

Rey leaned up and kissed his lips gently. “If something like this happens again, I think I would rather have you in bed with me. I’m getting used to wrapping myself around you.” 

“How quickly we got used to this.” He remarked, rubbing her back. “It feels  _ right _ .” 

The were quiet for a long moment, before she spoke, “Please don’t worry about last night. I have it under control.” Rey said, though her tone didn’t exactly inspire confidence in him. 

Ben tilted his head and kissed her head once more, “I hope so.” He whispered. She was strong, but he didn’t know if she could hold out against the darkness. He hadn’t been able to, but that was different. He was  _ different _ . Rey was made of finer stuff than him. 

_ Sleep _ . 

_ I’m trying. _

* * *

Ben woke up with his his head cradle by Rey’s breast. At some point in his sleep, he’d rolled over, pinning her beneath him, not that she seemed to mind at all. She’d wiggled one of her arms out from under him and was reading off the datapad. 

He blinked drowsily, “How long did I sleep?” 

Rey ran her fingers through his hair, “About three hours.” 

“How long have I been asleep  _ on _ you?” 

She laughed, sitting the datapad aside. “For about the last hour and a half, give or take.” Rey grinned down at him as he tilted his head to look at her better. “I started to roll off of you and you followed me.” 

“ _ Sorry _ .” Ben pressed his palms against the mattress and pushed up so he could press a kiss to her lips. “Did you sleep at all?”

“A little.” Rey cupped his cheek, brushing her thumb over his scar. “I mostly read. I wanted to learn more about Coruscant before we actually get there.” She leaned up and kissed him again. “Have you ever been?”

“Many times.” Ben leaned into her touch. “We spent a lot of time among the Core Worlds when I was growing up.” 

Rey brushed her thumb over his bottom lip, “Were you born there?”

He shook his head, nipping at her thumb. “I was born on Chandrila. The capital of the New Republic.” Ben moved to lay down on the bed, pulling Rey in close to him. “Is this your way of avoiding any discussion about what happened last night?”

Rey scoffed, “I think I would be more creative if that were the case.” She gave him a pointed look. “What was Chandrila like?” 

Ben shrugged, “I was only there for a few years. It was lonely. Just like everywhere else we lived. My  mother was busy with her duties and my father was… wherever he ran off to.” 

“Can you show me?” 

He arched a brow at her, wrapping his arm around her waist tighter. “Sure.” He whispered, closing his eyes. He could feel her brushing against his mind already, a gentle, curious touch as he opened his mind and welcomed her into his memories. 

The room slowly came into view. There was a balcony just beyond a wall of windows, overlooking a vast coastline. He had forgotten just how beautiful their home had been in Chandrila. Everything was a soft golden color and not just because the sun cast it in that shade. 

“It’s beautiful.” Rey said, reaching for his hand as the younger version of himself came into view. “How old were you?” 

“Four.” Ben narrowed his eyes as he watched himself walk over to the windows and press his face against them. 

“It’s almost time!” Leia told him with faux enthusiasm from the corner of the room where she sat busily working at her desk. “Daddy will be home today.” She looked towards Ben when he started knocking on the glass window, before she looked back at her work. “If only he could come home tomorrow when I’m not working under a deadline.” 

“Maninium Fawcon!” Young Ben cheered out, clapping his hands together as a ship passed a short distance from the window. 

“Impeccable timing.” Leia remarked as she rose from her desk, moving towards the wall of windows she could sweep Ben up into her arms. “You’re getting quite too big to carry around like this, you know.” She brushed his dark hair away from his eyes. 

“I love you momma.” Ben said as he wrapped his arms around his mother, squealing a little with glee. 

“I love you too little man.” Leia kissed his forehead, before she plopped him down on the sofa. “You just wait right here and before you know it, your father’s going to be walking in through those doors.” 

Ben could feel Rey’s eyes on his face, but he didn’t look away from the vision. “I think he was gone for three months this time. I don’t remember what he was hunting down.” His mother fetched one of his toys from the floor, handing it to him as he kept himself occupied on the sofa. 

He squeezed Rey’s hand tighter when his father finally emerged through the door. His former self’s joyous cheering tugged sharply at his heartstrings. If only that childish joy had remained in his chest. That blind love for his family that slipped out of his grasp like his palms were sieves. 

“There’s my boy!” Han said, lifting Ben up with an over-exaggerated groan as he settled him into his arms. “He’s gotten bigger.” He remarked to Leia who looked up from her papers with a glare of disdain. 

“They tend to do that. It’s been  _ four _ months.” 

“I had to get away,” Han said in an apologetic tone. “You know this has nothing to do with the two of you and everything to do with me.” 

Young Ben patted at his father’s cheeks, making him look at him. “I  _ misted _ you.” 

“I missed you too, buddy.” Han ruffled his hair as he walked towards Leia’s desk. “I was thinking we could have dinner tonight. Just the three of us. Like old times.” 

Leia huffed. “I’m touched, but I have a considerable amount of work to get finished before I go before Senate tomorrow.” 

Han frowned, “ _ Right _ . You want me to take him so you can have time to get that done?” 

“Would you? He’s started balking at the idea of naps lately. That had been my only respite these past  _ four _ months. Though Threepio has grown into a decent sitter. No alternative to a father, however.”

“ _ Leia _ .” Han sat Ben down on the floor. “Hey, buddy. Go get in my satchel over there. There’s a gift in there for you.” 

Whatever Han and Leia were saying fell silent as Ben toddled over to Han’s satchel and pulled out a stuffed toy he’d brought home for him. He couldn’t remember what his parents had been saying, but given their posture and the expressions of their faces - they were fighting. Like always. 

Ben released Rey’s hand and covered his face, forcing her out of his mind and locking the memory back away where it belonged. “It’s a gorgeous world with tarnished memories.” He remarked as he opened his eyes, welcoming the sight of the stark colors of their chambers. “I started to become more aware of what they fought over as I got older. They aren’t at all what legends would have them seem like. Perhaps before I was born, they were happier, but I don’t know. I’ll never know.” 

“You can’t blame yourself for your parents’ roes.” Rey soothed. “No child should think that way.” 

“And yet, I am living proof that  _ that _ is exactly how I felt, Rey.” He rubbed at his temples. “Please stop making me remember those days.”

“You didn’t  _ have _ to.” She sighed, “But every time I ask you to show me a memory, you choose  _ those _ memories to share with me. You could’ve shown me an asinine memory of you looking out the window or playing in your room. But you choose to show me  _ these _ .” 

Ben clenched his eyes closed. “They’re the ones that come to mind. They’re like scars, it’s the first thing you find.” 

Rey cupped his cheeks, “You scar isn’t the first thing I see, you know. I see your eyes. I see your lips.” She kissed him gently, “Stop leading with the pain.” 

“The pain is what feeds the darkness, Rey. That’s why it’s at the forefront of it all.” He cracked one eye open to look at her. “And I don’t want that for you.”

“I don’t want that for  _ you _ .” Rey smoothed her hand over his cheek. “Ben, I still believe you can come out of this.” 

“I can’t Rey.” Ben sat up then, brushing her hand away from his face. “There was something Snoke said… about my darkness growing and you rising in the light. If I go to the light, then you’ll go to the dark. I think that’s the way this goes.” He shuddered at the thought. 

“And you believe  _ anything _ Snoke said?” Rey moved to sit behind him, curling her arms around him and pressing her cheek to his shoulder. “We’re both going to come out of this, Ben. Both of us.  _ Together _ .” 

“I appreciate your optimism, but I saw the look in your eyes yesterday, Rey. You like the power the Dark side brings. Just as I did. As I  _ do _ .” He covered her hands with his, squeezing them tightly. “I don’t want you to fall the way I did.” 

“I’m trying.” Rey said, scarcely louder than a whisper. He knew her. Just as he put up a facade to hide his pain, she put up one to mask her fear. 


	7. Chapter 7

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you all once again for reading!

Coruscant’s reception of the First Order, was chilly at best. But they were welcomed nonetheless by the delegates of the Coruscant Ministry, ushered into the towering skyscraper that housed their government.  

Rey was entranced by it all. Her eyes grew wide as ships soared overhead and she took took in the sights and sounds of a vibrant, thriving city, so unlike anything she’d known before. 

“Senator Kora.” Rey said with a polite nod of her head as they were stopped in the Great Hall of the Ministry.

“Emperor Ren, Empress Rey.” The older man greeted both of them with a hesitant smile. “We were admittedly surprised by the announcement of your arrival. By the announcement of your  _ titles _ .” He said with a questioning look between them. 

“Supreme Leader Snoke’s  _ timely _ demise allowed for a better leadership to rise up.” Ben said firmly, looking towards Rey admiringly. “I would love for you to hear what plans the Empress has for the Galaxy. I think they would interest you.” 

Before Rey had a chance to speak, Hux cleared his throat, “I believe it’s far more pertinent that we discuss our continued use of Coco Town for-“

Rey raised her hand to silence him, “The General is  _ gravely _ concerned with the infrastructure of our military, but I for one am not. I’m more concerned with what the First Order can do for the Galaxy.” 

Ben shot Hux a scathing look as Senator Kora and Rey walked ahead of them. “Weren’t you instructed to keep your mouth shut?” 

Hux sneered. “Coruscant is our ally in militization. Just because you and your little  _ consort _ are not interested in destroying the last of the Rebels, doesn’t mean that I am not concerned about keeping our military stronger than anyone they can align with. There are planets that have the capabilities of blowing our ships out of space and if  _ they _ manage to make those alliances, we’re doomed.” 

“A ragtag band of weary rebels doesn’t worry me. They have no large vessels, they have no heavy artillery, they are of _ no _ concern to us.” 

“This is why I’m the military officer and you’re not.” Hux retorted, coming to a halt. “If you expect your game of leadership to succeed, I suggest that you allow me to continue to lead our military. Snoke was kind to let you dabble in it, but I’m afraid you lack the rigidity necessary.”

Ben gritted his teeth. “This is  _ not  _ how we intend to lead.”

“This is not how  _ she _ intends to lead.” Hux corrected, “Because I don’t see you leading us anywhere. I see the girl acting like a leader. Not you.”

Ben lowered his gaze, before he resumed walking, following after Rey. Hux didn’t deserve any explanation for the situation. It was  _ true _ , he was letting Rey take the lead. She seemed to have the tact that he lacked. Where his own mother had excelled at the intricacies of governmental leadership, he did not. Much like his father, who he knew he was more like than he wanted to be. 

* * *

“Senator Kora seemed very enamoured with you.” Ben said as he bit down on the thumb of his glove and pulled it off. “Though, that’s not unsurprising.”

Rey laughed brightly, “I was  _ terrified.  _ It’s one thing to talk with you about the plans I have, but it’s another thing to explain them to someone who has five decades of political experience.”

“I doubt anyone could tell you were nervous.” Ben said as she walked up behind Rey and squeezed her shoulders. “I was hoping you might enjoy getting away from all of  _ this _ and going to the theatre with me.”

Rey turned around to face him. “I thought we came here for business.”

Ben arched a brow, “And we did  _ a lot _ of business today. You can’t come to Coruscant and not enjoy the nightlife.” He brushed a lock of hair out of her face, tucking it behind her ear. 

“Is this a date?” Rey smiled.

“ _ Maybe _ .” 

“I’ve never been to the theatre. I never imagined I ever  _ would _ .”

“Well,” He started, taking her hand in his and leading her over to the sofa that was near the middle of their guest chambers in the Ministry. “Take a look at this.” Ben offered her the datapad. 

Rey took the datapad from him, her eyes flickering over the tourist information about Coruscant he’d pulled up on the screen. “What did you have in mind?”

“There’s a Mandalorian musical playing here.” Ben said, pointing at the screen. “And a play from Kaal is over at this theatre.”

Rey chewed on her bottom lip. “I think I would enjoy a musical.” She leaned against him, resting her cheek against his shoulder. “This is the perfect way to end today.”

“I want to celebrate your success.” 

“ _ Our _ .”

“Our success.” Ben kissed the top of her head, “We have enough time to go to dinner, if you’d like.”

Rey’s eyes widened, “You’re going to spoil me!”

“Of course I am.” He winked at her before he stood up. “You’ll want for nothing, Rey.”

She made a face. “I don’t  _ want _ for anything. I knew better than to ever dream to have anything more than Jakku.” Rey swept her hair behind her shoulders as she stood up. “Have you seen very many shows?”

Ben shrugged. “A few. The Senators were often invited to see shows and my mother would bring me with her.” 

“So cultured.” Rey teased, “Remind me again why you like a girl who would probably  _ bite _ you if you tried to take my food away.”

“Because you’re a remarkable woman, Rey. Don’t undersell yourself.” He smiled adoringly at her. “I watched you today. You are incredible. But I do know better than to try to make you share your food.”

She grabbed her cloak off the coat rack, wrapping it around herself. “I firmly believe in  _ fake it until you make it _ . How do you think I survived on Jakku?”

“Sheer tenacity and stubbornness, I’m sure.” Ben retorted as he moved across the room to retrieve his own cape, draping it over his shoulders. 

“You’re not wrong.” 

* * *

“What did you think?” Ben questioned as they descended the stairs of the theatre, his fingers curled tightly around her hand as they were bumped into by the throngs of theatre goers  _ also _ leaving after the show. 

“It was... thought provoking.” Rey said tactfully. 

Ben snorted, “You mean it was  _ terrible _ .” 

“Well, I wasn’t going to come straight out and say it!” Rey nudged him in the ribs as another theatre guest cursed at his remark. “You offended him!” 

“ _ Sorry _ .” He mumbled, though the Bimm he’d offended had already vanished into the crowds as they spilled out of the theatre hall. “Aside from the content of the musical, did you enjoy the evening?” 

Rey squeezed his hand tighter, trying not to laugh. “I did. Coruscant is… beyond my wildest dreams. I had always heard stories about opulent cities like this. Where any night of the week you could see any show or performance you could imagine. With restaurants atop skyscrapers and nightclubs deep beneath the surface. I never thought I’d come here.” 

“Coruscant does have a certain appeal. I haven’t really partaken in much of its opulence. Most of my visits were when I was younger. When Snoke approached them to let us utilize their industrial district for our military, Hux took care of it.” 

“He looked rather sour after you rejoined the Senator and I this afternoon.” Rey commented, lacing their fingers together as they wandered along the street, heading back towards the garage where they’d left their cruiser. “What did he want?” 

“He doesn’t like it when I ignore him.” Ben remarked humorlessly. “He was trying to get under my skin and I didn’t let him.” 

“What was he complaining about now?” Rey groaned, rolling her eyes. 

“He was critiquing the fact that I was letting you handle today with Senator Kora.” He blew out an annoyed puff of air. “If you haven’t noticed he has a problem with you.” 

Rey made a face. “I  _ hadn’t _ noticed that. It’s not like he and Phasma are our greatest threats or anything.” 

Ben mimicked her expression as they stopped beside their cruiser, “He called you my  _ consort _ .” 

“ _ Well _ ,” She arched a brow, turning to face him. “That’s a fair term for what I am. Aren’t consorts usually the companion of a reigning monarch?” 

“You’re  _ more _ than that.” Ben cupped her cheek. “It was the way he said it. Like it was derogatory.” 

Rey scrunched up her nose. “What would you call me?” 

“You’re the Empress, Rey!” He pressed his lips to her forehead. “He should show you more respect.” 

“And what am I to  _ you _ ?” She questioned, pulling back so she could look up at him. 

Ben’s heart clenched. “You know what you are to me.” 

Rey smiled a little, “Maybe I want to hear it.” 

Instead of giving her what she wanted, Ben leaned in and kissed her, pouring into it everything he felt for her. That was easier than saying it aloud and she didn’t seem to mind. Rey sank into the kiss, curling her fingers around the back of his head and pressing him against the side of their cruiser. 

Rey clutched at the front of his clothes, keeping him close to her as she drew back for a ragged breath. “So  _ that’s _ how you feel?”

Ben leaned into kiss her again, but he caught sight of two Twi’leks watching them disgustedly from their cruiser and he stopped. “Perhaps we should go back to the Ministry, before we’re the gossip of tomorrow.” 

“That’s a good idea.” Rey flushed pink as she followed his line of sight to the couple. She ducked her head and moved around the cruiser to climb in. “We did make a little bit of a scene there.”

“Garages might not be the best place to offer up affection.” Ben said dryly as he pulled them out of their spot and headed back for the Ministry. 

* * *

Rey poured them two glasses of wine as he settled into the sofa, resting his legs out in front of him on the low table. “I think the most outlandish part of that musical was the  _ chanting. _ ”

Ben laughed, recalling the scene. “It was not at all expected. That might have been what they were angling for. I was surprised that everyone around us seemed to enjoy it.”

“I think they were pretending.” Rey said, plopping down beside him, passing him his wine. “People like  _ that _ , they put on a facade. If everyone is saying they should enjoy that musical, they’re going to save face and pretend to enjoy it.” She sipped her wine. “There was a reason I didn’t join any of the other scavengers on Jakku.”

“Why?” 

“Because hive minds are dangerous.” Rey said gravely, taking another sip of her wine. 

Ben draped his arm over her shoulders, “ _ Ah _ . So what you’re telling me is that you’re not interested in falling into line with everyone else. I’m not very good at that either.” 

“I don’t think anyone is. They just play the part.” She shrugged, leaning into him. After a long moment of comfortable silence, she spoke again. “I enjoyed tonight. Thank you.” Rey tilted her head to kiss his cheek. 

“You’re welcome.” He smiled down at her, taking a sip of his wine before he sat it down. “I figured it was the appropriate thing to do. We’ve gone about this whole arrangement rather disjointedly.” 

Rey laughed brightly. “Mhm. Just a little bit. Somehow in the span of a month we went from strangers to enemies and then from adversaries to lovers.” She sat her empty wine glass down on the table in front of them, shifting the way she was sitting so she could face him better. “Not to mention, we gained some pretty impressive titles.” 

Ben’s gaze flickered to her lips, “I think the most impressive one is  _ lover _ .”  He leaned in and kissed her gently.

Rey smiled into the kiss, lifting her hand to curl around the back of his neck. “That is pretty impressive. Considering how we started out.” She remarked as she moved to straddle his hips. 

Ben groaned as she settled atop him, “Hello there.” He ran his hands over her hips, “I was wondering how long it would be before you were in my lap.” 

“I had thought about it during the strange scene with the simulated waterfall, but I figured those around us would balk at it.” Rey said teasingly, nipping at her bottom lip. 

Ben tugged her shirt up her body, “It would’ve been a better show than what was on the stage.” 

“Who knew Emperor Ren was voyeuristic.” Rey remarked as she fumbled with the belt around his middle, getting it unclasped and turning her attention to the fastening of his shirt.

“ _ Surprise _ .” Ben grinned at her, running his hands along the curves of her waist, trailing one hand up to cup her breast, through her breastband. 

Rey rocked her hips, grinding against his hardening cock. “I’ll have to file that one away.” She remarked, brushing his hand away so she could remove the breastband, giving him access. 

He descended upon her breasts, one hand palming her right breast, while he swirled his tongue around the pebbled peak of her left nipple. He loved the sounds she made for him, the way her fingers delved into his hair and tugged, bringing with them a sort of pain that was also pleasure. 

“ _ Stars _ your mouth feels good.” Rey told him, rocking her hips against him with a little more purpose. He lightly scraped his teeth over the peak, groaning at the way she inhaled sharply and bucked against him in response. 

“You keep doing  _ that _ and this is going to be over with far too quickly,” Ben warned her, trailing his mouth up to kiss along her collarbone. 

Rey curled her hand around his shoulder and used it for leverage to pointedly roll her hips again, “That sounds like  _ your _ problem.” She teased. 

Ben grabbed her hips, holding her still. “You’re devious.” 

“You make that sound like a  _ bad _ thing.” She leaned in to kiss him, before she nipped at his bottom lip, hard enough to almost draw blood. That was definitely going to leave a mark tomorrow, but then again, so was the the red mark he’d left on her neck when they had been stuck in gridlock on the way back. 

Rey’s fingers worked deftly to free him from the confines of his pants and he did the same with getting her leggings off of her. They repositioned themselves on the sofa in the process, so that he was stretched out across the length of it, with her sitting astride him. He much preferred this. There was something  _ incredibly _ arousing about Rey looming above him with all the power in the position. 

Ben fondled her breasts as she lowered herself onto his cock, grunting out a curse, followed by her name. She pressed her palms against his chest for support as she started rising and falling atop him. 

He marvelled at the grace that she executed as she moved. Power suited her and this, this right here, was _ power _ . He was relinquishing all of his power in the act, letting her set the pace, guiding them towards that moment where everything else fell away. 

“Touch me.” She panted out, drawing his hand away from her breast, urging him to stroke the flesh just above where they were joined. 

He circled his thumb over her clit, groaning at the way she clenched around his cock. “ _ Rey _ .” 

Rey tucked her bottom lip in between her teeth, trying to swallow back a moan that rose up in her throat and escaped. 

“Come on. Let go for me.” Ben urged, wanting her there  _ first _ . Wanting to make her feel  _ everything _ he could make her feel. “Come for me.” 

She tilted her head back, her nails biting into his chest as her inner walls clenched around him like a vice. Rey shattered around him and it sent him careening over the edge. 

He surged upwards to kiss her, dragging her down as he laid back on the sofa. Rey laughed against his lips, relaxing atop him. “That was fun.” 

“Yes it was.” Ben sighed, perfectly content to just  _ be _ for a little while. 


	8. Chapter 8

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Shoutout to my one reviewer who caught what I was doing with the Mandalorian musical. I actually got the chance to explain it some here. You did better than I could've ever done though!

Ben woke up before Rey, for once. Not willingly, but after having a nightmare about Snoke torturing Rey, he struggled with going back to sleep. He knew it was just a dream, a nightmare, but it was hard to shake the fact that it  _ had _ happened. Only in this scenario, Snoke was posed to kill her and he didn’t have the chance to save her this time. 

Rey looked peaceful in her sleep. Her brows weren’t knit together with permanent questions. The weight of everything was off her shoulders while she slept. 

He still couldn’t fathom that she wanted  _ him _ . He was used to people leaving him - his father, his mother, his uncle. They all left him and it made sense that Rey would’ve too. Sure, in the moment, her decision to stay had come with an ultimatum, but she was still there. 

“Is it time to get up?” Rey mumbled, cracking an eye open to look at him, before she rolled over so he back was facing him.

“We have a little bit more time.” Ben moved to curl his arm around her waist, brushing his lips over her shoulder. “Did I wake you up?”

“No.” She assured him. 

“Good.” He said as he ran his hand over the curve of her hip. “How did you sleep?”

Rey chuckled softly. “Like a log. But I’m pretty sore today.”

“ _ Sore _ ?” He frowned. 

“The good kind of sore.” Rey covered his hand with hers. “I blame the wine.”

“We probably shouldn’t have cracked open that second bottle.” Ben brushed his thumb over her skin, “But it was a fun evening.” She had a point, his muscles were killing him.

Rey nestled back against him. “That probably was a mistake. Especially because we have to function like two diplomats today.” 

Ben chuckled, running his hand over her thigh. “Are you nervous?” He questioned, brushing his lips over the back of her neck. 

“About today?” Rey tilted her head to look back at him. “ _ Somewhat _ . I wasn’t expecting Senator Kora to call for other Core leaders to come today. I guess I was convincing yesterday.” 

“You were  _ very _ convincing yesterday,” Ben assured her. “And you’ll do wonderful today. I know it.” He continued trailing his fingers over her skin. 

“Are  _ you _ going to discuss anything today?” She questioned, shivering as he ran his fingers along the front of her thigh, skimming closer. 

“I don’t know.” Ben sighed. “I thought that I might bring up the fact that what was done to the Hosnian system hadn’t been  _ my _ doing.”

“We  _ might _ want to keep Hux out of the room for that.” Rey moaned softly as he dipped his hand between her thighs. “I don’t want to talk about  _ him  _ if you’re going to keep doing that.” 

Ben nipped gently at her earlobe. “Fair point.” He drawled out. “I plan to keep doing this.”

“I would be mad if you stopped at this point.” Rey retorted. 

“Then I won’t stop.” He said lowly, grinding his cock against her as he pressed two fingers into her, working his thumb over her clit. 

Rey reached behind her, winding her fingers through his hair. “ _ Oh _ .” 

Ben slowly pumped his fingers in and out of her. “You like my hair, don’t you?”

She gave a breathy laugh at that, “It’s very grabable.” 

He pressed his face into the crook of her neck, brushing his lips over her skin. “Are you going to come for me?” Ben questioned, feeling the way her inner walls were already trembling around him. 

Rey moaned, nodding her head. 

“Come on Rey.” He urged, circling his thumb faster, trying to push her over the edge. 

She shuddered, pressing back against his chest as she clenched around his fingers, her hips rocking as she came undone. “ _ Ben _ .” 

Ben withdrew his fingers slowly, curling his hand around her hip as he ground himself against her, trying to seek friction to ease his own need. 

“I need you in me.” 

“You said you were sore.” Ben’s brows knit together. 

“You heard me.”

His pulse jumped in his veins at the tone she used and he moved to reposition himself so he could press into her. “ _ Fuck _ .” He groaned out, slowly filling her still trembling center. “I could get used to this.”

“To what?” Rey breathed out, her hand clutching at his hip. 

“Lazy morning sex.” Ben drawled out, running his hand along the length of her side. 

Rey rocked back against him, urging him to move his hips. “Me too.” “

Ben hummed, slipping his hand around her hip to tease her clit. As much as he wanted to take his time, he also wanted to chase his own release. It was hard to focus on anything other than driving himself into her, especially with the way her body was still coming down from the orgasm he’d already brought her to.

“As much as I love your fingers,” Rey started, her voice coming out breathless “Your  _ cock  _ feels amazing.” 

Ben inhaled sharply at her words, picking up the pace of his movements. “ _ Rey _ .” He panted out, trying to hold back just a few strokes longer. “You feel so good. So good.” He clenched his eyes closed, pressing his lips to her shoulder as his hips bucked his hips in short thrusts. 

Rey gasped loudly as her second release hit, her fingers curling around his wrist, pulling his hand away from her over sensitive flesh as her body clenched tightly around his cock, milking his release out of him. 

Ben shuddered as his release washed over him, thrusting into her one last time as the pleasure spilled over. He curled his arm around her possessively, not wanting to let her go. 

 

* * *

“You’re  _ late _ .” Hux said coldly as Rey and Ben joined Senator Kora, his wife Pyrah, and the General at the breakfast table. 

“We had a late night.” Ben explained, nodding towards the Senator. “I apologize.” 

“That’s completely unnecessary.” He assured them. “Did you have a good evening?”

“We ended up going to the theatre.” Rey answered, pouring herself a glass of juice as she sat down beside Ben. 

“Ah,” Pyrah smiled at her, “And what did you choose to see?”

“The Mandalorian musical.” 

“That was one of our favorites!” She said enthusiastically, looking towards Ben then. “What did you think of it?”

Ben cleared his throat, “It was…  _ good _ . I think we both appreciated it for what it was.” He looked towards Rey who nodded in agreement, giving him an amused look.

Senator Kora looked to his wife, “Pyrah, was that the one with the beautiful chant?”

“Yes!” She clasped her hands together. “That’s the one. It was such an entrancing scene.” She smiles brightly at Rey. “The Mandalorians have such tight knit clans, to hear how they pass their familial lore through generations brought tears to my eyes.”

“Unfortunately, lore isn’t always  _ truth _ .” Ben remarked, plucking a piece of fruit out of the basket. 

Senator Kora tilted his head, “I don’t believe the Mandalorians care about truth. It’s about passing vital family information and keeping the generations connected.”

Rey made a face, hiding it behind her glass of juice. “I think the musical was open to interpretation.”

Pyrah arched a brow. “I take it that you didn’t like it?”

“I didn’t  _ dis _ like it.” Rey said carefully. “It was unusual.” She ducked her head. “It was actually my first production.”

“Your first? Well that was a fine one to make your first.” The Senator said as he took a bite of his bread, before he spoke again. “I meant to ask you yesterday, what’s your background, Rey?” 

Hux sat up straighter, leaning forward against the table, looking between Rey and Ben with a smirk. Of  _ course  _ he would get glee out of that line of questioning. 

Rey cleared her throat, “Uh… I grew up on Jakku.” She answered quietly, “Humble beginnings.”

“Were your parents involved in the Battle of Jakku?”

She shook her head. 

“Her parents died when she was young.” Ben interjected. “Her upbringing is why she wants to see The First Order utilize its wealth to assist those in the Western Reaches.” 

“And how did the two of you meet,” Pyrah questioned, looking between the two of them. 

“That is an  _ interesting _ story,” Rey said with a chuckle, reaching out to spoon scrambled Ooglata onto her plate, before passing the spoon to Ben. “We were enemies when we first met. But we’ve come together now for the greater good.”

“Enemies?” Senator Kora pressed. “That sounds like a story.” 

Rey reached out and played with the hair at the nape of Ben’s neck, before she flashed the Senator a charming smile. “I’d much rather leave that part of our story in the past, Senator. They’re difficult memories for both of us and we’d much rather focus on what we are now.” 

“I told you they were  _ together _ !” Pyrah said with a triumphant laugh, nudging her husband. “You don’t have to divulge anything that is painful, dear. What’s important is that you’re together now. That was a motif I’m sure you got from the musical last night.” 

Ben snickered under his breath at the way Hux looked like he might choke on his breakfast as he watched the scene unfolding at the table. “I did pick up that up. Just before intermission,  _ The Concoridan Overture _ .” 

Hux scraped his fork over his plate pointedly, his eyes darting between the two couples. “Senator, I was hoping we might go to Coco Town today to look at the new warehouses.” 

Senator Kora’s brows shot up, looking to Rey, “I thought we were halting production of weapons…” 

“We  _ are _ .” Rey asserted, fixing Hux with a look before she continued. “The First Order is in  _ no _ danger. General Hux just worries unncessarily.”

Ben leaned his arms against the table, looking between Rey and Senator Kora, “The funds saved from halting weapons production should be allocated towards economic aid for a planet.” 

“The investors won’t appreciate this shift!” Hux snapped, clenching his fists where they sat on the table. “They invested in  _ weapons _ not your asinine mission to save the Galaxy.” 

“Perhaps you should drink more caf, General.” Pyrah teased. 

Rey covered her mouth with a napkin to keep from laughing. “B- _ Ren _ suggested Ithor last night. They’ve struggled with rebuilding.”

“I’m surprised the two of you discussed  _ anything _ last night.” Hux hissed out, before he rose to his feet. “If you’ll excuse me Senator.” 

“You’re excused, General.” He said with a dismissive wave of his hand, turning his attention back to Rey. “You’re very savvy with your planets. Where did you study, Rey?” 

Rey waited until Hux had left the breakfast room to answer. “That’s another interesting story. I grew up alone on Jakku, everything I know I know because I taught myself. And Ben’s helped me brush up on my knowledge of the Galaxy.” She squeezed his leg beneath the table. 

Pyrah smiled brightly at the pair of them. “You know his mother was a very well respected Senator. Senator Organa, right?” 

Ben swallowed thickly and sat up straighter. “Yes, that’s correct.” He gave Rey a wary glance, before he lowered his gaze back to his food. He’d completely lost his appetite now. He knew that everyone knew exactly who he was and who his mother had been, but he wanted to leave all of that behind him. He was his own person, separate from his mother’s ambitions and his father’s lack of them. And while Rey called him Ben, he still hid behind Kylo Ren. 

“It’s such a shame how Senator Casterfo spoiled her heritage in such a public fashion.” Senator Kora mused, “Did you know?”

He bit down on his bottom lip, digging his tooth into a spot that was particularly bruised. “I  _ didn’t _ . She wrote to me after the fall out, but it was everywhere.” He could feel Rey’s eyes boring into him, but he kept his focus on the Senator. “Thankfully I was with my uncle, who obviously knew, but… it was  _ difficult _ . I’ve risen above it. All of it.”

“I can’t even imagine what that was like,” Pyrah said, shaking her head. “There are still a few who sat in senate then around. Though, I doubt that is  _ very _ old news to them.”

“Have you heard from  _ her _ ?” Rey questioned, pulling her hand away from his leg as she picked up her juice glass. 

“We haven’t.” Senator Kora assured them, though he hesitated enough to make Ben question the sincerity of that answer. There was no doubt in his mind that the distress beacon had found its way to Coruscant. 

“They have nothing. The Rebels are down to a handful troops and they’ve lost their fleet. General Hux may be worried about our forces, but we have nothing to worry about. Our only concern should be on rebuilding the Galaxy. I believe the First Order can be the answer.”

“You were very convincing yesterday. Let’s hope you can be today as well.”

Ben ran his hand over her back. “I have no doubt she will be.”

* * *

“Do you want to talk about what the Senator said?” Rey questioned as she perched on the arm of his chair. He was surprised she waited as long as she did to bring it up once they were alone in their chambers. “We don’t have to.”

Ben sighed, pinching the bridge of his nose. “Not particularly. There’s nothing to discuss.” 

“What if other senators bring it up.” 

“It was a decade ago!” Ben bit down on the sore spot on his lip again, “It doesn’t matter. My grandfather was Darth Vader,  _ and _ ? None of this today or any day after this has anything to do with my _ family _ . I made a name for myself. I didn’t need Skywalker or Solo or Organa to make it here.” He rose to his feet, his fingers curled into fists at his sides. 

“Didn’t Snoke groom you  _ because _ of who your grandfather was?” 

Ben turned around to face her, glaring at her. “And Snoke is  _ dead _ .” 

Rey pushed herself off the arm, coming to stand toe-to-toe with him. “At least you  _ know _ who your family is.” She gritted out. “Don’t take that for granted just because you’re bitter.” She pushed past him then, “I’m going to go visit with Pyrah before the senators arrive. You know where to find me,  _ Emperor Ren _ .” She was out the door, letting it slam behind her, before he even had a chance to respond to her. Though, anything he had to say would only exacerbate the new tension buzzing in the air

He could tell her to let go of the past, but he was guilty of being completely unable to. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Technically, the reveal of Leia's parentage took place ONLY SIX YEARS BEFORE TFA HAPPENS! Which means BEN WAS 23. That doesn't make sense to me so I changed it by 10 years.


	9. Chapter 9

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> *dumps some angst in your laps and runs away*
> 
> No, but seriously.... You have no idea how happy you guys make me when you comment, so thank you!

Ben had had half a mind to not even show up for the meeting with the senators. He knew that Rey could handle it without his aid; she was the architect of their plan after all. Not him. It wasn’t that he was upset with her, or even with Senator Kora for bringing up the past. He was upset with  _ himself _ for being so easily affected by it still. It had been a decade and yet he still felt the betrayal. His mother hadn’t even entrusted him with their family’s darkest secret. Perhaps she had known all along that he would fall, just as his grandfather had before him.

He knew Rey would be disappointed if he didn’t make an appearance and he also knew that Hux would take his absence as the perfect opportunity to assert his own positions. Which was the last thing they needed to happen. 

Ben made his way to the Great Hall to join Rey, Senator Kora, and the others: just in time for the arrival of the senators. 

Rey glanced back over her shoulder at him, her brows furrowing together.  _ I didn’t think you’d come _ . 

_ I almost didn’t _ . Ben responded quietly through their connection, moving to stand just behind her. “Did I miss anything?” He whispered.

Rey shook her head, reaching back to slip her hand into his, urging him to stand beside her. “They’ve only just landed, the first few to exit were staff.”  _ Are you okay?  _

_ No _ . Ben frowned, looking down at where their hands were joined. “Did Senator Kora say who would be here?”

Rey squeezed his hand tightly. “ _ He _ was exiled, don’t worry.” She assured him, leaning her cheek against his shoulder. 

“I wasn’t…” He sighed, kissing the top of her head. “Thank you for asking.”

“I figured it would help to know.” Rey tilted her head to look up at him. “But we’ll talk later.” She said pointedly, before she turned her attention back to the senators that were now disembarking from their shuttle and entering the Great Hall. 

_ I’m sorry.  _

_ We’ll talk later.  _

Ben bit down on the sore spot of his lip again, curling up inside the comfortable familiarity that the pain brought him. 

“Thank you all for responding to my request so promptly.” Senator Kora said as he stepped forward, “We have been very fortunate to host Emperor Ren and Empress Rey the last two days. I hope that you have come prepared to listen. This one,” He gestured towards Rey. “Has some insightful ideas for the greater good.”

Rey stood a little taller, despite her air of confidence, he could feel the nerves radiating off of her. “I’m excited to have this opportunity. I know that the First Order has had a certain  _ appearance  _ throughout the Galaxy, but I think that we -  _ together _ \- can build something that will be remembered as a new age of  _ good _ .”

“The Empire  _ ruined _ our planet,” One of the senators said as she stepped forward, narrowing her eyes at Rey. “We were a thriving city world before and we have struggled for  _ decades _ to reclaim our place in this galaxy.” 

“Where are you from?” Rey questioned, her brows knitting together. 

“Corulag.” She answered, looking towards Ben then. “Can the First Order help us? Or is this another ploy to use our resources and leave us crumbling.” 

Ben shook his head solemnly, “We have no need to manufacture droids.  _ That _ is what caused Corulag to crumble. We are steering the First Order away from militzation and towards building a true empire.”

“Senator Bato, perhaps this is a discussion better left for the chambers. I am sure we all have  _ many _ questions for about their vision.” One of the men stepped forward, casting a sweeping gaze over Rey with a smirk that made a chill crawl down Ben’s spine. “Have we met before, Empress?”

Rey rocked on her heels, “I don’t believe so.” She said firmly, though the way she tensed said otherwise. 

“Huh. You seem familiar,” The senator shrugged his shoulders, before he looked towards Ben. “I worry about this demilitarization, Emperor Ren. Tinnel IV has invested significantly into  _ your _ army.”

“All of your questions will be answered,” Rey said briskly, turning toward Senator Kora. “Would you mind leading the way to the chambers, Senator? I’m anxious to begin discussing our plans, but I need a moment with the Emperor.  _ Alone _ .”

“Of course!” He said, clapping his hands together before he gestured for the other senators to follow him out of the Great Hall, while Rey and Ben lingered behind. 

Ben waited until every last member of the senators’ staff had departed the hall before he spoke. “Rey, what’s wrong?” He reached out to cup her cheek. “You’ve gone grey around the edges.” 

She closed her eyes and leaned into his touch. “We were so worried about  _ your  _ past coming into play today. I never thought mine would.”

Ben frowned, his eyes flickering over her face as he tried to figure out what she meant. “I don’t… none of them…  _ Oh _ .” His expression fell. “The arms dealer…”

“From Tinnel IV.” Rey whispered. “Apparently he was more than just an arms dealer. Or he is now at least.” She pulled away from Ben and covered her face. “I’m certain he knows who I am. I spent  _ two  _ days on his ship because of a sand storm that kept me from leaving.  _ Kriff _ .”

“Then we don’t mention Jakku. We don’t mention anything about your past that might clue him in.” Ben caught her hand as she started past him. “It’s going to be okay, Rey.”

“I have a bad feeling about this.” Rey met his eyes. “This is going to be a disaster.” 

Ben pulled her to his chest and wrapped his arms around her. “It’s not going to be a  _ disaster _ . If he says anything, just deny it.”

“The Senator and his wife  _ know _ I’m from Jakku. I can’t sit there and lie and pretend I’ve never been!” She clung to him a little tighter. “Hux is going to have a field day with this.”

“Hux  _ isn’t _ going to find out. No one is.” Ben assured her, kissing her temple before he stepped back, keeping his hands curled around her shoulders. “You can do this. You’re going to go in there and convince them all to support our new empire.”

Rey drew in a shaky breath and nodded her head slowly. “You’re right. It doesn’t matter. It was like two years ago. And  _ why _ would he bring it up? That would just make him look bad.” 

“You can’t let it get in your way.” Ben squeezed her shoulders lightly. 

“I won’t.” She curled her fingers into fists at her sides and met his gaze. “Are you ready for this?”

Ben bit down on that same sore spot on his lip. “As ready as I’ll ever be.”

 

* * *

 

It became more and more apparent that Senator Argair knew  _ exactly  _ who Rey was. But she took his underhanded and often derogatory comments in stride, as though she had been dealing with the condescending remarks from men for  _ years _ . Which she clearly had been, if Argair had been the sort of men she had to deal with to get a bite to eat when rations were low.

Aside from Argair’s commentary, most of the senators seemed to agree with Rey’s vision for the future. Especially Kuat, which seemed keen on the idea of building an economy not solely driven upon the need for building warships. 

The only other sticking point they had to overcome, was the Hosnian system. Ben took over navigating that particularly tense discussion. The decision had been made under the leadership of Snoke and at Hux’s recommendation. Hux, who turned a shade whiter than he naturally was, interjected to point out that the  _ reason _ had been because the Hosnian system was aligned with the Rebels. Which was no longer an issue. 

The senators retired for the evening, voting to dine separately so they had time to mull over everything Rey had presented to them,  _ alone _ . 

“I could’ve  _ strangled _ him.” Rey bit out, once they were alone. “It was completely unnecessary! All of it. There was no good reason for him to keep bringing up the things he did. Yes, congratulations, you fucked a hungry girl  _ two  _ years ago. Move on. She’s an Empress now so show her some respect!” She didn’t even bother hanging her cloak, letting it drop to the ground as she veered towards the sofa. “I could see Hux trying to work out what was going on.”

“Hux always looks like he’s trying to work out what’s going on because  _ you _ are actually speaking sense.” Ben said humorlessly. “You handled it well today. And hopefully once we make the alliance, we don’t have to deal with Senator Argair again.” 

Rey collapsed onto the sofa with a huff, patting the cushion beside her. “I’m glad they decided  _ not  _ to have dinner with all of us together. That would’ve been more than I could handle.” She curled close to him as soon as he sat down beside her.

“You handled it though. And I’m fairly certain he made himself look like a blaster-brain with the other senators.” Ben rubbed her shoulder. “I didn’t even feel like I needed to step in, you had it handled.” 

“I kept reminding myself that he’d been  _ awful _ .” She said, widening her eyes dramatically as she turned to look at him. Her brows knit together, her gaze dropping to his lips. “What happened to your bottom lip?” Rey questioned, reaching out to brush her thumb over his bottom lip. 

He shrugged. “I think that’s called  _ Rey happened here _ .” 

“It was  _ not _ that bad this morning.” 

Ben brushed her hand away. “I probably kept bothering it. You know how it is.”

“It’s got to hurt.” Rey arched a brow. 

“I doesn’t matter.” Ben pressed, looking to change the subject. “It was wise to approach the Core Worlds first, they were the ones that historically have supported the Empire’s exploits. They’re naturally inclined to steer clear of the rebels.” 

“ _ Ben _ .” 

“I don’t see why you’re fixating on it. You bit my lip and I’ve worried at it.” 

Rey huffed. “You’ve torn it clear open! You should put some bacta on it.”

“Bacta on your mouth is  _ wretched _ .” Ben shuddered. “It’s fine, Rey. Really. In comparison to other injuries, it’s fine.” He gestured to his cheek with a pointed look. 

Rey leaned in and carefully pressed a kiss to the corner of his lips. “If you say so.” She brushed her fingers over his cheek before she rested her head on his shoulder. “The last few days have felt like a lifetime.”

“I know.” He sighed. “When Senator Bato questioned how long you and I had been  _ together _ , it was a little startling to realize.” Ben rested his cheek on the top of her head.

“Do you think the connection was always there?”

“ _ Possibly _ .” He shrugged. “We should work on how to handle that line of questioning. Other senators are bound to question how we met, how long we’ve been together in this plan. We need to spin it right.”

“There’s always telling the  _ truth.  _ Senator Kora didn’t seem to have a problem with our story.” Rey said as she grabbed a pillow and laid it on his lap so she could rest her head there, stretching out her legs on the rest of the sofa.

“Am I keeping you up?” Rey laughed and shook her head. “Senator Kora is an outlier. Other Senators may take issue in the fact you were once aligned with the Rebels.” He brushed his fingers over her cheek. “People like  _ your  _ Senator will use that against us.”

“He’s not  _ my  _ anything Ben!” 

“I know.” Ben sighed. 

“He made my skin crawl.” She shuddered dramatically. “I just wanted to  _ kill _ him.”

“Did he _ hurt _ you?” Ben tensed in anticipation for her answer. His mind was already going down an ash-rabbit hole with what he would do to him. Torture.  _ Painful  _ torture. He’d make sure he didn’t have a functioning-

“ _ Ben _ !” Rey shook her head, poking him in the stomach. “No. He didn’t hurt me. Not really. I was just stuck with him for  _ two _ miserable days.” She looked up at him. “Do you want to know?” She questioned, lightly brushing her mind against his.

Ben resisted her mental advances, pushing her out. “Just  _ tell _ me. I don’t want to see it.” He said with an apologetic look. 

“Alright.” Rey drew in a shaky breath before she began. “It had been almost a week and a half since I had gotten a decent ration. Unkar was being particularly stingy. On top of that, my water supply was running low.” Her brows furrowed together as she spoke and Ben gently brushed his fingers over her hair, trying to comfort her. 

“I went out, hoping to find  _ anything _ I could trade in. Even a sixteenth of a ration would’ve been better than nothing. I came over the hill and saw his shuttle out in the valley.” Rey searched his expression, making sure he  _ really  _ wanted to know what happened. “I thought, at first, that it was abandoned, which would’ve been an incredible haul for me, but then he came out and tazed me.” She made a face, “I woke up in his shuttle and he was threatening to report me for theft. I was terrified.” 

“And then you traded sex to get out of that situation?” Ben questioned gently, though he instantly regretted the way it sounded once it was out.

“I didn’t go around offering that up first!” Rey rolled her eyes. “ _ No _ . I tried to get him talking. I explained to him that I hadn’t eaten in ten days, that I was scavenging for anything I could trade. Of course, he took that as me saying I was guilty.  _ That  _ was when the stakes got higher and I did what I had to do. I had to  _ work _ to get out of him filing a report, to get him to feed me, to get water, to get him to let me go! Then the sandstorm came and he actually tried to make me leave because he was done with me.” She gritted her teeth together. “I felt dirty when I left there.”

“I’m so sorry.” Ben chewed on that sore spot on his lip again as he met her gaze. He didn’t know what he was supposed to say in this situation. 

“Don’t be.” She reached up to touch his cheek. “And please don’t do anything stupid.” 

“The thought hadn’t even crossed my mind.” Ben lied easily, looking away from her. He knew he couldn’t hide the anger that welled up inside him, especially not from her. Not when they were so hyper aware of each other. 

“I don’t believe you.” Rey snorted, shaking her head. “Let’s not do anything to stir him up. The last thing we need is anyone else finding out.”

“You know, it’s nothing to be ashamed of.” Ben said, though he knew that it wasn’t that simple. 

“I’m glad _ you  _ think that way, but I promise you that people won’t want their Empress to have been a scavenger from Jakku that fucked for food.” Rey said dryly as she moved to sit up, curling her legs beneath her. 

“Why can’t people just let go of the past?”

Rey shrugged. “It’s not that easy.” She reached out and squeeze his hand. “Thank you for listening. For not judging me.’

“Why would I judge you, Rey?” He brought her hand up to his lips, kissing her knuckles. “You did what you had to do to survive. I judge  _ him _ for putting you in that situation.” 

“Your heart never ceases to amaze me.” Rey said as she reached out to press her palm to his chest. She leaned in and kissed him tenderly, “I want to run away.” 

“ _ Rey _ .” Ben started to pull away from her but she curled her hand around the back of his head to hold him in place. 

“We could go anywhere!” Rey ran her fingers over his cheek, pressing her forehead to his. “ _ Anywhere _ . We could leave tonight. Leave all of this behind and just live our lives. Where no one will ever bring up our pasts. Fade into obscurity. Just two people. No titles. No anything binding our hands.” 

Ben shook his head, “We can’t! We can’t just leave Rey.” He cradled her cheek, brushing her hair out of her face. “We can’t run away from this empire we’re building. We’re doing this together! We’re going to show all of them what we can do.” He could feel her emotions rushing through their connection. “I’m sorry.” 

Rey pulled away from him, raking her fingers through her hair as she sat back, staring at him. “It was worth a shot.”

“I can’t let go of this.” Ben said lowly, clenching his fists. “Everything has been building up to this Rey. I’ve given  _ everything _ I have to get here. I can’t just abandon it.” 

“I know.” Rey sighed, moving to get off the sofa then. “I had just hoped that you would finally see the sort of people that hold positions like  _ this _ . They’re not good people.”

“We’re not like  _ them _ .” 

“Not right now.” 

Ben’s brows knit together. “Not  _ ever _ . Power doesn’t make you-”

Rey held up her hand to cut him off. “It  _ does _ , actually. Power makes people lose whatever moral fiber they have.”

“I have no intention of becoming anything like those people.” Ben gritted out, narrowing his eyes at her. 

“I’m afraid for  _ me _ .” Rey admitted, swallowing thickly. “Because I can feel the darkness. I can hear it in the silence, calling out to me. And I’m  _ afraid _ .” 

“Rey, you have nothing to be afraid of. I’ll be right here.” Ben said as he moved to her. “I don’t want you to follow in the same path I’ve taken.”

“If that were the case, we’d be leaving tonight.” 

“ _ Rey _ .” Ben reached out to touch her, but he let his hand drop back to his side. “It’s not that simple.”

“It could be.” She hung her head. “I’m going to go take a shower. Today’s been stressful.” 

Ben watched as she walked away from him. He wanted to go to her, but he knew better. She needed her space and he needed his. He felt like he’d been here before. That he’d seen this scene play out before. Only back then he was knee-high and it was his parents that needed space. And he knew how that story ended. 


	10. Chapter 10

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I promise... the angst will give way to fluff... after this chapter. OKAY BYE ENJOY.

“I’m-“

“I  _ really _ don’t want to hear another apology,” Rey retorted as she removed the towel she had wrapped around her hair. 

Ben laid back down on the bed with a sigh. He raked a hand over his face before he spoke, “I don’t want to fight.”

“We’re not fighting.” Rey assured him, perching on the edge of the bed. “You and I both want different things.”

“I’m not going to wake up in the morning and find out you took the cruiser and left. Am I?” Ben questioned quietly, almost afraid to raise his voice above a whisper. 

“I’m not going anywhere.” Rey sighed. “Do you really think I would just leave in the middle of the night?”

“Wouldn’t be the first person.”

“I’m not your father. 

Ben sat up to meet her gaze, “I know you’re not. But I know the signs. I wouldn’t hold it against you, you know.”

Rey laughed, rubbing at her eyes. “We both know you would. Whatever room you were in would be  _ destroyed _ . But I’m not going anywhere.”

Ben chewed on his bottom lip, tasting the metallic tang of blood as he tore it open again. It hurt, but it was a  _ good _ hurt. “I would understand. We want different things.”

“We do.” Rey agreed with a nod. “You want power and I just want you.”

“ _ Why _ do you want me Rey? In the span of two weeks I went from a monster to the man you share a bed with.” Ben pinched at the bridge of his nose, keeping his eyes low, studying the patterns on the comforter. 

“I…” She started, “It’s hard to explain. It’s this feeling. This longing and need that’s stronger than anything I’ve ever felt. And it just feels right to be by your side.” Rey reached out to touch his knee. “I care for you. I never wanted to hurt you, but you left me no choice.”

Ben swept his tongue over the cut on his lip. “Had you not escaped, the first time our lives intersected, things would’ve been different.”

Rey laughed. “Yeah, sorry. I’m not into being a prisoner for  _ obvious _ reasons.” 

“You were my guest.”

She rolled her eyes. “Not true.”

“I was following orders from Snoke. I had to get what I needed. I executed it as  _ gently  _ as I could have.” Ben covered her hand with his. “You made it difficult.”

“I didn’t want someone probing around in my head.” Rey held up her other hand. “We’re off topic. That was the past and this is right now.”

Ben’s brows knit together. “I want this to work, Rey.”

“So do I.” Rey smiled a little. “I promise you, I’m not going  _ anywhere _ . You’re stuck with me. If I’m going to leave, I’m going to leave  _ with _ you.”

Ben nodded his head slowly. “ _ Good _ .”

Rey ran her fingers through her hair, before she moved to climb under the covers with him. “We should sleep. It’s going to be another long day tomorrow.”

“I was afraid you’d want to sleep on the sofa.”

“I thought about it.” Rey said as she rolled onto her side, draping her arm over his chest. “But I was probably going to kick you out of the bed and take it for myself.”

“The Dark Side is strong with you.” Ben laughed, resting his hand over hers. 

“You know what they say. Kick your partner out of bed and you’re as good as gone.” She chuckled, pressing her face against his shoulder. “Goodnight, Ben.”

“Sleep well.” 

* * *

“Good morning, Senator Kora.” Ben said as he pulled Rey’s chair out from the table for her. 

“Good morning.” He said with a warm smile. “I hope the two of you slept well after an incredibly successful day.”

Rey laughed, “I’m afraid not. I kept replaying the events of the day.” She made a face. “Do you think everyone is on board?”

He shrugged. “From what I could tell before we all parted ways last night, everyone was very impressed.” 

“I told you not to worry about it.” Ben said lightly, squeezing her shoulders before he moved to sit down beside her at the table. 

“Senator Argair seemed a little hesitant.” Rey mentioned, giving Ben a sideways glance as she tried to get the Senator to talk about the other diplomat. 

“He’s fond of the war industry. You  _ will _ struggle with convincing others who have invested in war. Once their hands are bloodied, they don’t always want to wipe them clean.” The senator suggested with a wave of his hand. “There was a familiarity between you and he. Did you cross paths before?”

Ben grimaced at the sudden rush of  _ fear _ he felt course through Rey, making the hair stand up on the back his neck as it flooded his own emotions briefly. “Senator Kora, where is your wife this morning?”

He arched a brow, looking between the two of them quizzically. “She wanted to sleep in.” 

“I wish I could’ve slept in.” Rey remarked with a nervous laugh, pouring herself a glass of juice. “Senator, I would prefer that we steer clear of that discussion. Especially when we have company.”

“ _ Ah _ .” He steepled his fingers and leaned his elbows against the table. “Should I worry about the implications?”

Ben cleared his throat, “Senator Kora, it is really  _ not _ something that should affect you.”

“And given how rude he was yesterday, I think  _ that _ should be the focus of any conversation.” Rey said pointedly. “I realize the shift in power is new, but I shouldn’t have to demand respect. It should be given naturally.”

“I’m sure he meant no harm by it.”

Rey’s eyes widened. “No, I’m  _ sure _ he did. He was condescending at every turn. Do not dismiss my concern.”

“I believe we saw it differently.”

Ben glared at the Senator, “He didn’t once interrupt me, or you for that matter, Senator. But he  _ did _ interrupt Rey and he  _ did _ interrupt Bato. It was blatant.”

“He had points to address,” He retorted briskly. 

“And he could’ve  _ waited _ .” Rey snapped. “He spoke over top of me and  _ down _ to me. I didn’t sleep last night because I kept replaying how I could’ve handled it  _ better _ . But, I figured strangling him to death would be frowned upon.” She started to stand up but Ben caught her arm. “Let go!”

“ _ Rey _ .” Ben urged. He could feel her teetering on the edge again. “Please.”

She jerked her arm out of his grasp just in time for Senator Argair to enter the breakfast room with General Hux at his side. “ _ Wonderful _ ! We were just talking about you.” Rey said with a snide smile, her eyes flashing towards Kora.

“ _ Another _ lover’s spat, Ren?” Hux questioned with a snort of laughter, moving to sit down across from him. 

“No.” Ben shook his head, giving Rey a wary look as she sank back down into her seat beside him. “A difference of opinions between us and Senator Kora here.” He looked back towards the older man, arching a brow at his worried expression. “Right, Senator?”

“She’s a real Loth-Cat.” Senator Argair said with a low chuckle, sitting down directly across from her. “I can’t decide if you lucked out or not, Emperor.”

“That’s enough.” Ben gritted out, his fingers curling into fists where they sat on the table. 

“He’s  _ very _ protective of her,” Hux remarked to Argair. 

“ _ She  _ happens to be very capable of taking care of herself.” Rey corrected, narrowing her eyes Argair. 

Ben reached out through their connection, trying to calm Rey down, but she had completely blocked him out. 

“I seem to recall you  _ not _ being able to take care of yourself.” Argair chuckled, leaning back in his seat with a smug grin. “It’s impressive that you managed to climb your way into this position.”

“It’s like I said-“ Hux started but Ben lifted his hand to silence him, cutting off his airflow. He let him choke for a moment before he stopped, much to the horror of everyone around the table, including Rey.

“Watch your words Hux or they  _ will _ be your last.” Ben hissed out, before he fixed Senator Argair with a look that could kill. “Slander is unbecoming of a senator. Perhaps I should reach out to the delegates on Tinnel IV and let them know how you’ve been behaving with the Empress.”

Rey sat back in her chair with a smirk, “Not to mention what  _ else _ I could tell them.”

Senator Argair sat up straighter, giving Hux a sidelong look as he drew in ragged breaths. “What do you need from me?”

“I want you to agree to our terms. Then, I want you back on your ship and gone.” Rey said smoothly. “I apologize for all this disturbance, Senator Kora. This matter should be taken care of before anyone else arrives for breakfast.”

“Of course.” He nodded his head stiffly. “I think I will… I think I will go check on my wife.” He said, before he abruptly rose from the table and exited. 

This was exactly the sort of scene she had been afraid of. The one he had assured her wouldn’t happen. He should’ve known better. Hux always saw an opportunity. 

Senator Argair cleared his throat, “This is a dangerous game. You should think of the consequences.”

“The only dangerous game I played was the one I played with you on Jakku.” Rey snapped. “I don’t believe anyone will look favourably on a senator who held a young woman hostage.”

“There was a sandstorm!”

“That you tried to throw me out into it!” She snarled. 

“It was a misunderstanding.” He gave Ben an apologetic look, that was not met with any forgiveness. 

“Agree to the terms.”

“No one would believe you.” He taunted.

Ben narrowed his eyes. “They’ll believe her.”

“ _ Agree _ to the terms.” Rey said lowly. 

“I’ll agree.” 

“Thank you.” Rey said with a sickeningly sweet smile that even made Ben shudder. “Now if I were you, I’d grab some breakfast and be gone before anyone else comes. Hux, you stay.”

“Of course, Empress.” Hux said quietly, nodding his head slowly. 

“Have a safe voyage back to Tinnel IV.” Rey said after Senator Argair as he exited the breakfast room. 

_ Are you okay?  _

Rey turned to look at him, her brows knitting together. Her lashes fluttered before shook her head.  _ No _ . 

_ Do you want to go?  _

_ No. _

Ben reached out beneath the table and squeezed her knee.  _ It’s okay. I promise you.  _

Rey covered his hand and laced their fingers together.  _ Did I make a mistake? _

_ No. Not at all.  _ Ben assured her, looking towards Hux. “Did you really try to cause us problems?”

Hux rubbed at his neck. “Senator Argair told me something I found  _ very  _ interesting.” He shot Rey a scathing look. “Something I wasn’t even  _ surprised _ by.”

Rey let a bubble of laughter escape her. “You can’t use something I don’t  _ care  _ about against me. But I will not allow this to happen again. If you conspire against  _ either  _ of us again, I will be the one to end you, General.”  She turned her head to look at Ben, her expression stony but her eyes on the brink of tears. “I need to get some air.”

“Do you want me to come?”

She shook her head. “Stay her. When Senator Kora returns, please tell I’m sorry for the disturbance. It won’t happen again.”

Ben pressed a quick kiss to her lips, before she stepped away from the table. 

Hux sighed heavily, drumming his fingers against the table. “What an eventful morning.”

“What the hell do you think you were doing?”

He rolled his eyes. “Senator Argair is a fine military ally. He believes in the war against the rebels. I understand you and the girl don’t, but there are many of us who would like to see them blotted out of existence. I spoke to him after the session yesterday and he told me of his little  _ tryst  _ with her. Fascinating stuff.”

“You’re disgusting.” Ben remarked dryly. 

“She  _ seduced _ him to get what she wanted. Sounds familiar.” Hux snapped. “She was trying to steal from one of  _ our _ ships.”

“She didn’t have a choice.”

“It is a choice whether or not to  _ steal _ , Ren. Even you should understand that.”

“She was starving.”

“You’re making excuses for her.” Hux shook his head. “Mark my words. She’s using you.”

Ben bit down harder on his bottom lip. “I would like to eat silence now. You’re voice is boring me.”

Hux laughed. “I warned you.”

 

* * *

“I think Senator Kora is justifiably afraid of us now.” Rey said as she stretched out on their bed, watching as he removed his shirt. 

“I can’t imagine why.” Ben remarked lightly as he moved to sit down on the bed beside her. “It’s not like I Force choked a man at breakfast or something.”

Rey laughed a little, rubbing at her eyes. “That was a nightmare.” 

“I’m sorry it went the way it did.” Ben said gently, reaching out to take her hand. “At least we got our support. We can begin executing your plans as soon as we return to the base.”

Rey sighed and played with his fingers. “Something  _ good _ .” 

“Are you okay?” Ben questioned, sliding his fingers in between hers. 

“Not really.” Rey admitted. “I didn’t come back up.”

“What?”

“When I saw it… The water… I was so  _ angry _ .” She closed her eyes. “I dove into the water. Right off the edge. But I never came back up.” 

Ben’s heart clenched at her words. “You didn’t come back up?” He questioned, his voice wavering as he felt a tear slip down his cheek. “You...  _ drowned _ ?” 

“I don’t know.” She opened one eye to look at him, “It’s hard to explain. I was standing on the edge, looking out over the water and then I dove in. After something. I don’t know  _ what _ . But I dove in and I was swimming and then…” She clenched her eyes closed again. “And then I never came back up.” 

Ben swallowed thickly. “ _ Rey _ … I’m sure it doesn’t mean anything.” He wasn’t sure at all. When this had all begun, just a few short days ago, he had thought that he  _ wanted _ her to join him in the darkness. But not now. Not now that he saw how terrified she was to lose herself in it. “The fact that you’re worried about what happened tells me everything.” 

Rey moved to sit up, all but crawling into his lap so she could wrap her arms around him and press her face into the crook of his neck. His skin grew wet from her tears and all he could do was just  _ hold _ her. 

Maybe she had been right. Maybe ruling wasn’t the right path. But it was too late to turn back now. He’d made sure of that, hadn’t he? 

He pressed his lips to her temple, trying as best as he could to comfort her. 

_ I love you.  _

_ I know.  _


	11. Chapter 11

“Are you watching me sleep again?” Rey questioned, nestling deeper under the covers, up to forehead so he couldn’t see her face. 

Ben laughed heartily and pulled the covers down. “You looked nice.” 

She cracked an eye open. “I look  _ nice _ ?” Rey tugged the covers out of his hand, pulling it back over her face. “I probably look like a Bantha.” She muttered.

“More like a Tauntaun.” He remarked, pulling the covers back down so he could lean down and kiss her. “Did you sleep at all?” Ben questioned, brushing his fingers over her cheek. 

“I did.” She stifled a yawn and scooted closer to him, draping her arm over his chest. “ _ Surprisingly _ . I figured that after last night, I wouldn’t sleep at all.”

“Speaking of last night…” Ben started. He knew they should really talk about it, but he wasn’t entirely sure how that would go. 

“I really  _ don’t _ want to talk about last night.” Rey told him quietly, trailing her fingers over his chest. 

“ _ Right _ .” Ben slowly closed his mouth, swallowing back the words he’d had planned to say.

“I still don’t know.” Rey tilted her head so she could better look at him. “I tried to go back to the edge. Just to see if I came back up. To see if I could see  _ anything _ , but there’s just never ending darkness there.”

Ben ran his hand over her hair. “That doesn’t necessarily mean  _ anything _ .” He assured her, though it was sounding more and more like she’d completely gone over the edge. “Would you like me to take a look?”

Rey nodded.

Ben drew in a shaky breath and reached out with his mind. She had let down all of her barriers, allowing him to gently slip right in. She was right. It was dark. The sort of dark where he couldn’t even see his hand in front of his face. “ _ Rey _ .”

He was only met with silence. Deafening silence.

Ben walked forward through the darkness, until he reached the edge of the water. He could hear it lapping gently against the banks of the shore. It was taunting him, just as it had been taunting her. But it couldn’t tempt someone who had already  _ gone _ . He’d already given into the Dark Side. And he was terrified that Rey had too. 

“Rey!” Ben called out again. He swore he could hear a heart beating -  _ her _ heart beating. Or maybe it was his. 

“ _ Ben _ .” It was a whisper, a distant whisper. 

Ben focused on a spot across the water. He could see something shimmering. Something bright, illuminating the glassy top of the lake. “Rey!”

“Help me.” She gasped out before she sank back beneath the water. 

Ben dove into the water after her. He could see her still, a light in the murky darkness. She was being dragged under, pulled further and further into the darkness. No sooner than he reached her, Rey was pulled out of his grasp. 

Further and further they spiralled into the darkness of the water, before he realized he was holding her all along.

Ben bolted upright in their bed as he pulled himself from her mind, gasping for air. “No. No.  _ No _ .” He raked his hands over his face. “Rey.”

Rey stared at him in disbelief. “I can save you.”

“ _ What _ ? Don’t you not understand what just happened?”

“Yes. I  _ do _ . I pulled you out of the darkness!” Rey moved to wrap her arms around him and he didn’t have the heart to pull away from her. 

“Rey I  _ was _ the darkness.” Ben said gravely, keeping his arms by his sides as she continued to hug him. 

“No! That’s not what I saw.” Rey cradled the back of his head. “I was pulling you out of it.”

“Didn’t I tell you it’s easier to pull someone into the darkness, not  _ out _ of it?” Ben lifted his hand to smooth over her back. “I blotted out the only bright spot.  _ You _ .”

Rey held him tighter. “That’s  _ not _ what I saw, Ben. I was saving you.” She pulled back and cupped his cheeks, leaning in to kiss him. 

He wanted to pull away, but he didn’t. He sank into the kiss and let himself forget about the shame that had lanced through him.  _ He _ was the reason that Rey was lost in the darkness. She could see it however she wanted to see it, but he  _ knew _ . Her descent was because of him. 

“ _ Ben _ .” Rey whispered against his lips, pulling back to meet his eyes. “Whatever you think you saw…”

Ben snaked his arm around her, keeping her closer. “I  _ know _ what I saw, Rey. I was trying to save you from the darkness and then I realized I was the darkness pulling you under. There’s no way around that.”

Rey kissed him again and he couldn’t help but groan when her teeth scraped over the cut he’d been making worse. “That’s not what I saw Ben. It’s  _ not _ .”

Ben pulled away, “You saw a different future when we touched hands. I saw you turning and you saw me turning. We’re never going to see the same future.”

“Only because you make sure that the future that exists is the one you see.” Rey reached out to touch his cheek, brushing her thumb over his scar. “My future can happen too. If you let it.”

Ben slowly lifted his gaze. “What if it can’t, Rey? What if you lose yourself because of me?”

“The fact that you’re afraid I’ll lose myself because of you, tells me everything I need to know. You wanted me to turn and now you don’t. Why?”

“Because I know you don’t want to fall.” He said quietly, leaning into her touch. “I want you to  _ want  _ to join me on the Dark Side. I don’t want you to be forced into it.”

“You still want me to join the Dark Side?” She questioned with a frown. 

Ben sighed, pinching the bridge of his nose. “You have so much potential Rey. You would be unstoppable.”

“Don’t do this, Ben.” Rey shook her head. 

“I’m not doing anything. I’m stating a simple fact. You are incredibly powerful.” Ben said, reaching out to take her hand in his. “Imagine the potential of you fully tapped into the Dark Side.” He curled his fingers in between hers. “But I don’t want that for you Rey.”

“I think if you removed yourself from the First Order you would find that you want that for yourself too.” Rey said sadly. “I want that for you.” 

Ben closed his eyes and drew in a shaky breath. “I don’t think I can come back from this, Rey. I just don’t.”

The bed shifted as she moved towards him, wrapping her arms around him. “I meant what I said last night, Ben.” She whispered, brushing her lips over his cheek. 

Ben held her tighter. “You weren’t just saying it because you were scared?”

Rey tugged at his hair gently, “Don’t be a laserbrain, Ben. You know better than that.” She tilted her head so she could look at him better, “I wouldn’t say something like  _ that _ lightly. I can’t even remember saying it to my parents.” 

Ben brushed his knuckles over her cheek, staring into her eyes. “I love you. I didn’t say it last night. But I do.” 

Rey leaned in and kissed him softly, playing her fingers through his hair. “I know you do. You more or less said so the other night. And I feel it.” She pressed her hand to his chest. “I feel it just like I feel the light.” 

Ben covered her hand with his, “Are you just biding your time as Empress, Rey?” 

Rey pressed her lips together and nodded  her head. “I’ve told you all along that I don’t  _ want _ this. I would love to make a difference in the galaxy, but… It’s not what I want. And I don’t think it’s right for you.” 

“It’s all I ever wanted.” 

“Is it?” Rey questioned, her brows furrowing together. “Is ruling the  _ one _ thing you always longed for? Because when you show me your memories… I see a little boy who wants to  _ belong _ and be loved. I don’t see a little boy yearning to be a ruler.”

Ben chewed on his bottom lip, swallowing thickly. “I want to do what no one else in my family was able to do.” He lowered his gaze. “And I have love  _ and _ power, Rey. I have both.”

“I just don’t believe this is what you’ve always wanted.” Rey sighed. “I think you’re clinging onto something Snoke groomed you to want.”

Ben pulled his hand away from hers, “This has nothing to do with Snoke. He’s  _ dead. _ This is what I want. I want to rule. I want to be in control.” He gritted out. 

“I can tell how much you want to rule.” Rey rolled her eyes. “Considering you’ve taken the back seat and let me do  _ everything _ .”

“ _ You _ have it under control!” Ben insisted, laying back on the bed and raking his hands over his face. “You’re naturally good at it. Why wouldn’t I support your ideas?”

“Because you don’t actually act like you want to rule. You act like it’s what you thought you wanted or what  _ someone _ told you that you should want. But your heart isn’t in it. And I hate to say this, but I think Hux can tell.”

“I don’t care what Hux  _ thinks _ . He also assumes you’re just using me to get what you want.” He held a hand up to keep her from interrupting. “Which I  _ know  _ you aren’t doing. But that’s what he thinks.”

Rey stared at him for a long, silent, moment before she spoke. “When we go back to the base… why don’t we take a few days away from everyone. We could go somewhere to research something -  _ anything _ . Just the two of us, no back up. We haven’t really been alone together.”

Ben knew exactly what she was doing, but he couldn’t resist  _ wanting _ exactly what she was suggesting. “A few days.”

“Is that a yes?”

“It’s not a no.” Ben remarked, lifting his head up to look at her. 

“Ben!” She slapped his leg, before she moved to lay down beside him. “A four day mission to the planet of  _ your _ choice.”

“I know exactly where I want to go.”

“Where?”

“The most beautiful planet you’ll  _ ever _ step foot on.” Ben leaned in to kiss her, tucking a lock of her hair behind her ear. 

“So you’re  _ really _ saying yes to this?” Rey kissed him again. “That easily?”

“Just four days.” Ben curled his arm around her. “It’ll be good for us.”

“It  _ will _ .” Rey assured him. “We should probably get up. Senator Kora is probably wondering why aren’t there yet.” 

“Not having obligations for four days is going to be nice.” Ben remarked as he moved to get up. 

 

* * *

Ben toggled a switch on the dashboard, checking over everything before turned his chair around to face Rey, who was looming in the threshold, watching him prepare the cruiser. “You ready for four days away?”

“You know, you never did tell me where we’re going.” Rey said with an expectant smile. “ _ So _ ?”

“Don’t you know what a  _ surprise _ is?” Ben grinned at her, gesturing for her to join him in the cockpit. “You’re going to love it.”

Rey laughed, walking towards him. “How long will it take to get there?”

“About an hour and a half. Give or take” He took her hands in his, looking up at her. “I’m pretty sure Hux doesn’t think we’re coming back.”

She scrunched up her nose as she moved to sit on his lap, draping an arm over his shoulders. “Oh, you know me. I’ve seduced you into making me an Empress and now I’m kidnapping you.” Rey pressed a kiss to the corner of his lips. “Will you please put some Bacta on your lip before it gets infected?”

“It’s not that bad.” Ben insisted, running his tongue over the cut. 

“It is for the person that  _ really  _ wants to kiss you without tasting blood every time.” She gave him a look, running her fingers through the hair at the nape of his neck. “It’s going to get infected if you don’t treat it.” 

“You wouldn’t let the droids treat your arm.” He pointed out, running his hand over her shoulder lightly. “Aren’t you afraid it will get infected?”

She narrowed her eyes at him. “You got me there.”

“I know I do.” Ben winked, pressing a kiss to her shoulder. “What are you looking forward to about getting away?” 

“Getting you away from the First Order.” Rey grinned brightly. 

Ben gave her a look. “You have me away from the First Order right now.” 

“I know.” She leaned in and carefully kissed his lips. “You already seem more at ease.”

“I don’t feel any different.” Ben said skeptically, brushing his knuckles over her cheek as he kissed her again. “I think you’re just saying that.”

“I’m not just saying it!” She rolled her eyes. “I’m serious. You seem more…  _ comfortable _ .”

“Why shouldn’t I be comfortable? I’ve got a beautiful woman sitting on my lap.” He licked his lips, his gaze sweeping over her. “And it is nice to know that we don’t have anywhere we need to be. That does lift a little of the weight off my shoulders.”

“We should’ve gotten away right after you killed Snoke.” Rey shifted so she could rest her cheek against his shoulder. “You needed distance.”

“I needed a lot of things.” Ben said, resting his lips against the top of her head. 

“And how did that work out for you?”

He hummed, running his hand along her side. “Well, I  _ did _ get you. I wanted you to say yes, but I was certain you were going to say no. I saw it in your eyes.” Ben couldn’t imagine how this would have gone if she  _ had _ left him. It wouldn’t have been pretty, not on his part. 

Rey sighed. “I _ was _ going to say no. I would’ve if you hadn’t called off the attack.” She tilted her head so she could meet his eyes. “Would you have let me go?”

“ _ Yes _ . I would’ve given you an escape pod and allowed you to leave before you were found.” Ben said quietly, “Our connection was too sacred to me to lose. For the first time I had  _ something _ .” He knew in his heart that he couldn’t hurt, but in the moment… it might have been different. It was hard to look back and think of a time where he wanted to hurt her. 

“I’m glad you didn’t throw it away.” Rey whispered, leaning in to kiss him again, letting her lips linger against his. “Do you happen to have any fantasies about…” She arched a brow and looked around the cockpit.

“Oh, yeah.” Ben retorted with a grin. “And we happen to have about an hour to kill.” He drawled out as he ran his hand along her leg. “Do  _ you _ ?” He questioned, trailing his hand higher along her inner thigh.

Rey bit down on her bottom lip and nodded, spreading her legs apart a little wider to accommodate his hand. Her breath hitched in the back of her throat, his fingers brushing over the apex of her thighs. “I think it’s a great way to occupy our time.” She said breathily. 

“So do I.” Ben agreed, brushing his lips over the column of her throat as he stroked her through the fabric of her leggings. He had no doubt in his mind that they could keep themselves  _ very _ occupied over the next hour. Four days away sounded better and better the further they got from the First Order fleet. He had four days to  _ decide _ . 


	12. Chapter 12

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> My muse actually let me write smut this chapter. It needed some fluff before... well.

“ _ Where _ are we?” Rey questioned, her eyes widening as she took in the sights beyond the window. “It’s beautiful.” She breathed out, turning to look at Ben in amazement. “Tell me!”

“I thought you were using my datapad to do research on the galaxy.” Ben teased, flashing a smile at her before he took her hand in his, tugging her away from the window. “Come on.”

“For the record, I was researching the ships  _ and _ Coruscant  _ and _ the Senate.” She gave him a look. “Not some mystery planet you’ve decided to take me to.”

“I’ve actually  _ never _ been here.” Ben admitted, giving her a sideways look. “But I’ve heard about it extensively.” 

“You’ve taken me to a beautiful mystery planet you’ve never been to?” She laughed brightly. “Are you going to tell me where this is?”

Ben lowered the ramp for them to exit the cruiser, tilting his face upwards as the sun shone down on them. “Welcome to Naboo.” 

“Naboo?” Rey’s brows knit together. “Why did you choose Naboo?”

“My grandmother, Padmé Amidala, was from here.” Ben explained, turning to look at her with a proud smile. “The Queen, actually.”

“Your grandmother was the Queen?” Rey’s lashes fluttered. “I think I might’ve missed that one about you.” She rose up on her toes and planted a kiss on his cheek. “Where are we staying?”

“I pulled some old familial strings and got us an entire townhome in the city.” Ben explained, “My mother used it when she came here…  _ technically  _ I came here while she was pregnant with me.”

“I’ll get our bags.” Rey said, bounding back into the cruiser to grab the two packs they’d brought with them. “Ready?” She questioned as she closed the ramp behind her.

Ben took his pick from her, shouldering the bag. “ _ Ready _ .” He drew in a shaky breath before they set out towards the town. “You did it Rey. You got me away from the First Order.” 

“I’m  _ very _ proud of myself.” Rey said, reaching for his hand as they walked side-by-side along the path that led to the town. “Who rules here now? Are you related to them?”

“No. The ruler is Queen Soruna. No relation to us. She knew my mother. She also knew the truth of who my mother was.” He shrugged. “That’s the connection I used.”

“And how do they feel about the First Order?” Rey questioned. 

“I believe they sympathize, but I don’t really want to get into First Order business. For the next four days we are  _ just _ Rey and Ben.”

“That was the plan. I was just curious.” Rey smiled. “Where are we exactly on Naboo?”

“Theed. The capital city. I didn’t really have enough time to come up with a itinerary. Hope you don’t mind.” Ben arched a brow at her. 

“Well I intend to spend  _ at least _ the first day in our townhouse.” Rey said a smirk. “Uninterrupted.”

Ben squeezed her hand. Her excitement was infectious. “You seem lighter too.”

“Hmm?”

“Away from the First Order. You seem more at ease.”

Rey chewed on her bottom lip. “Well, this  _ is _ what I actually wanted. You and me, beautiful planets, not a care in the world.”

“I know.” He nodded his head.

“Any chance you might consider extending this trip?”

Ben blew out a breath. “I… don’t know.” In truth, he knew he couldn’t. He had already made up his mind about what he had to do. It was already set into motion. There was no stopping now.

“Just say you’ll consider.”

He bit down on his bottom lip until he tasted blood. “I’ll think about it.” 

“Thank you.”

 

* * *

“This is unbelievably beautiful.” Rey breathed out as she curled her fingers around the marble balcony, looking out over the picturesque lake and the mountains and fields beyond it. “Did you know it was going to look like this?”

“They said it had a balcony. I didn’t know whether it was a city view or this.” Ben rested his chin on her shoulder, curling his arms around her. “It’s breathtaking.”

“Before I went to Takodana, I never even knew what  _ green _ was. Sure, people talked about it, but I never knew. I never knew what snow was. I never knew what it was like to feel rain.” She leaned back against him. 

Ben chuckled. “You make it all sound so magical. When you grow up knowing all of that, it all seems so ordinary.” He kissed her neck. “You make me see all of this through new eyes.”

She reached her hand behind her and ran her fingers over the back of his head. “Deep down I always knew that my parents wouldn’t come back for me. I think I just accepted that I would only ever know the blistering heat of the sun and sand.”

“I’m glad you got away from there.” Ben whispered, holding her a little tighter. “And not just for the selfish reason that we crossed paths. But, because you’re better than that. You were meant to be more than just some scavenger.” 

Rey turned around to face him, tilting her head to the side. “Apparently I was meant to be an Empress.” She teased, draping her arms over his shoulders. 

Ben shook his head. “That’s not what I meant.” He ran his hands along her sides, resting them at her hips. “I don’t want to think about any of that. We’re just Ben Solo and Rey right now.” 

Rey leaned up and kissed him. “Everyone thinks that Ben Solo is dead. But he’s not, is he?”

“ _ No _ .” He rested his forehead against hers. “He’s not.” Ever since Rey had entered the picture, it had been harder to hold onto the barrier he’d put up between who he had been and who he was  _ now _ . 

“I wish your mother could see you again.” Rey said gently, her lashes fluttering. “I think she was hopeless. I think she thought she’d never see her son again.” 

Ben swallowed thickly. “Maybe that’ll happen some day.” He lifted his hand to cup her cheek, leaning in to kiss her. “But I don’t want to talk about my mother right now.” He mumbled against her lips. 

Rey laughed, curling her hand around the back of his neck. “It is kind of a buzzkill.” She kissed him again, pressing herself closer to him. 

“Just a little.” He retorted, nipping at her bottom lip playfully. Ben stepped towards her, urging her back so she was pressed against the marble balcony. 

Rey groaned against his lips, running her hand down his chest, past his navel, to cup him through his pants. “ _ Ben _ .” She breathed out lowly, stroking his hardening cock. “Out here?”

Ben gave a stiff nod, his eyes falling closed as he savored her touch. The way the balcony was designed, allowed them to be concealed from any of the neighbouring townhouses and no one was out on the lake. “Out here.” 

“You’re a kinky one, Ben.” Rey said, amusement lacing her words as she worked his pants open and slipped her hand inside. He inhaled sharply as she pumped her hand over his length, his hands grabbing at her hips harder. 

Ben licked his lips, his eyes snapping open to focus on getting her belt off so he could undress her. It was cumbersome and awkward, and even harder to get done with her hand wrapped around his cock. 

Rey pulled her hand away from him to help him get her leggings down her hips and kicked aside. 

He leaned in to kiss her, his mouth claiming hers as his own as he slipped his hand in between her thighs, sweeping his fingers in between her slick folds. 

She pressed herself back against the balcony for support, widening her stance to accommodate his hand. “Come on. You know you can do better than that.” She taunted as she broke away from his kiss.

Ben narrowed his eyes at her, his gaze raking hotly over her, before he kneeled down before her. “You’re demanding.” He remarked, curling his hands around her hips as he leaned in and flicked his tongue out over her clit. 

Rey inhaled sharply. “And you’re very accommodating.” She said, playing her fingers through his hair. 

Ben smirked against her flesh, his mouth working over her. He reached out to brush against her mind through their connection, adding to the physical pleasure he was bringing her. 

It was all still  _ very _ new to him, but he had to admit that he really enjoyed getting her off. There was something addictive about it. Watching the way she reacted to him. 

Rey bit down on her bottom lip to keep from crying out as he continued the assault with his mouth. “ _ Yes _ . Yes. Just like that.” She urged him, her fingers tugging at his hair. 

Ben groaned as he brought his fingers up to join his tongue, experimenting with her reactions to him. He pressed two fingers into her, hooking them just right as he thrusted them in and out of her. His mouth was unrelenting, his tongue working over her clit. He could feel her release starting to coil up within her lower belly. He could  _ feel _ it overwhelming their bond.

She cried out, loud enough to force birds to flee from their perches. She grasped at the balcony behind her, one hand still gripping at his hair as she came apart under his tongue. 

Ben pulled back, his eyes never leaving her face. “I love doing that.” He remarked, sweeping his tongue out over his lips, before he stood up. 

Rey blinked slowly for a moment, curling her fingers in his shirt and pulling him to her so she could kiss him. She moaned against his lips, tasting herself on them, as she wrapped her hand around his cock.

“ _ Fuck _ .” He hissed out as she brushed her lips over his jawline. Rey wiggled out of his grasp, turning around so her back was pressed against his chest. “Like this?” He questioned, curling his hand around her hip, holding her steady as he rocked against her.

“Yes.” Rey breathed out, leaning forward, curling her hands around the railing. 

Ben guided his cock to her center, pressing into her  _ slowly _ . “ _ Stars. _ You’re wet.” He gritted out, drawing back out and thrusting back into her again. 

“I wonder why.” She countered, with no small amount of sass in her tone. “You don’t have to be so gentle.” 

Ben clutched at her hip tighter as he started to pick up the pace of his movements. The angle felt like heaven, allowing him to drive into her harder and deeper. And there was something to be said about having her on a balcony, overlooking a breathtaking view, with cool air blowing over their naked skin, and the sun warming them. It beat the cold, dark, and sterile atmosphere of his room. 

He ran his hand up her side, grasping at her breast through the thin fabric of her tunic. They hadn’t even bothered getting undressed fully, which actually added to the appeal of it all. Rey rocked back against him, meeting each of his thrusts. “Come on Ben.  _ Harder _ .” She urged, pulling one hand away from the railing to curl around his forearm. “Fuck me like you fight me.” 

Ben lifted his hand from her breast to lightly wrap around her throat.  _ Good _ .

_ Good! _

He tightened his hold just enough. He could feel the way her pulse spiked beneath his hold, the sudden rush of arousal that flooded their connection. He wouldn't last much longer. He gripped at her hip and her throat, holding her in place as he slammed into her, harder and faster.

Rey’s cry was muffled by the pressure of his hand as her inner walls clenched around his cock tightly, her release hitting her hard. His own release came right behind hers. He kept thrusting into her again and again, until he couldn’t anymore. He released her throat as he drew himself out of her. 

“ _ Wow _ .” Rey breathed our, leaning forward so her forehead rested against the balcony. 

“Wow is right.” He chuckled, running his hand down her back. “I didn’t hurt you, did I?”

She shook her head. “No.” Rey slowly turned to face him. “That was exciting.” She said as she tried to catch her breath.

He swept his fingers through his hair and laughed. “Was that…”

“ _ New _ ? Yes. I definitely wouldn’t trust just anyone with  _ that _ .” She said with a shaky laugh. “Definitely something to revisit.” Rey moved to drape her arms over his shoulders, rising up on her toes to kiss him. “I love you.”

Ben couldn’t help but beam at that. “I love you too.” If she said it  _ twice _ , she really meant it.    
  



	13. Chapter 13

“This  _ is _ nice.” Ben said as he pulled the covers up around them, smiling as she pressed herself close to him, rubbing her cold feet over his leg as she tucked them between the mattress and his calf. “It’s different being away from it all.” 

“Are you happy?” She questioned softly.

“I’m always happy to be with you.” Ben answered with a warm smile as he curled an arm around her. “But it’s different when we’re here… I don’t know how to explain it.” They had spent most of their first night and day in Theeds in their townhouse. There was no reason to leave, not yet. “I’m never bored.” 

“You said earlier you were bored.” She teased, poking him in the ribs. “But we  _ did  _ find something to do to occupy our time.” 

“You were good at it.” Ben retorted with a cheeky grin. “I think you cheated.” 

“I’ll never tell.” She pursed her lips, before she resituated herself so she could rest her cheek on his chest, trailing her fingers over his abs. “Maybe you just need to practice your Sabacc skills.” 

“Did you play a lot of it on Jakku?” 

“Yeah.” She nodded, tilting her head to look at him. “We’d play for extra rations. Not always successfully.” She scrunched up her nose. “Pretty sure the house was always fixed. Unkar managed it.” 

“You know… if you ever want to, I’m not adverse to taking our cruiser and heading to the Western Reaches and reeking some havoc.” 

“It’s not worth the effort,” Rey assured him. “I spent a lot of my time trying to prove I was unaffected by his bullshit. If I go back, I give him the pleasure of knowing that I thought he was a monster.” 

“You never minded telling  _ me _ I was a monster.” 

“Not for the same reasons.” Rey rolled her eyes, resting her hand over his heart. “And I don’t think you’re a monster now.” 

Ben smiled a little. “Well, I’m glad to hear that.” He placed his hand over hers. “I regret everything I did that earned you calling me a monster.” 

“You do?” 

He sighed and nodded his head. “I do. I think about it sometimes. But I was being torn apart. The decisions I made… I felt like I was backed into a corner.” 

“Because of Snoke.” 

“Because of me.” 

“Ben, you were being  _ manipulated _ . He abused you.” 

Ben lifted his hand to pinch the bridge of his nose. “But that doesn’t excuse my actions.” He was realizing that fact more and more. He had been so dead set in the fact that he had made all the right decisions. He justified his actions and made excuses for them. But the longer he was with Rey, the more distance he put between himself and the First Order, and the time that passed since he killed Snoke, the more he realized… he  _ was _ a monster. 

“It doesn’t excuse them, but it does  _ explain _ them.” Rey sat up a little, turning so she could look at him better. “The fact that you’re even saying that tells me you definitely needed to get away from the First Order. Just the other day you will still trying to act like what you did was okay.” 

Ben bit down the sore spot on his lip. The pain didn’t fuel him the way it did before. It wasn’t something he could curl up inside of and use now. And that was why he had done what he had to do. “You know I love you, right?” 

“Yes.” Her brows knit together and he felt her push her mind against his. “What’s wrong?”

“Nothing’s wrong.” Ben assured her, blocking her out. “I’m just tired.”

“I don’t believe you.” Rey insisted. “Ben…”

“It’s really nothing, Rey.” Ben brushed his knuckles over her cheek. “It’s just difficult to tap into some of these emotions. I’ve tried for years to block out guilt and regret and… I feel it again.”

Rey reached out to cup his cheeks. “That’s  _ good _ . That’s a start. A big start.” 

He closed his eyes. “It’s  _ a lot _ .” 

“Embrace it.” She urged him, pressing her lips to his forehead before she settled back down beside him. “Are we exploring Theeds tomorrow?”

Ben was thankful for the change in subject. “Yes. I think we need to get out of the house for a little bit.” He said, kissing the top of her head as he sank into the mattress. “We need all the rest we can get.” 

Rey laughed softly. “Did I wear you out today?”

“Just a bit.” He teased, holding her tighter. “See you in the morning.”    
  


* * *

Rey was up and in the ‘fresher before he woke up. In fact, it was her singing one of the songs from the Mandalorian musical while she washed that woke him up. 

Ben rolled out of the bed, stretching his arms above his head as he moved towards the door, rapping his fingers against the metal. “You want company?” He questioned through it. 

“Always!” She answered. “Did I wake you?” 

“ _ Yeah _ , but it’s fine.” Ben said easily, shedding his sleep pants and moving to lay them down with the rest of clothes. He glanced backwards at the door, just to make sure Rey wasn’t going to come through at any moment. He opened his pack and pulled out the two-way beacon. It was no longer a dim light blue glow, now it was a bright dark blue color. And he knew exactly what it meant. He’d thought it would take longer than four days, but apparently not. 

He tucked it back away in his bag, tossing the bag aside as he headed to join Rey in the ‘fresher. “I’m a little disappointed you started without me.” Ben remarked as Rey slid the shower door open and stepped aside so he could join her beneath the water. 

“You were sleeping so peacefully.” She said, brushing his wet hair out of his face as he stepped directly under the showerhead. “I didn’t want to wake you.” 

“If you didn’t want to wake me, you shouldn’t have been  _ singing _ .” He teased, leaning down to kiss her. “Was that planned?”

“Maybe.” She laughed against his lips. “ _ My  _ hand isn’t much fun anymore.” Rey remarked lowly, running her hand down his torso. 

“Oh… So  _ that’s _ why you got up to take a shower?” Ben looped his arms around her, pulling her closer. “Didn’t get enough yesterday?” 

“It’s fun to actually be able to  _ enjoy _ it now.” Rey said, leaning up to kiss him as she slipped her hand further down and curled her fingers around his cock. 

He groaned against her lips, his tongue darting out to seek entrance into her mouth. All of his thoughts of anything else fell away as his mind focused solely on the sensation of her hand wrapped around him and her wet breasts pressed against his chest. 

Ben took a step forward, backing her up against the wall. She tangled her fingers in his wet hair as she used her other hand to pump him agonizingly slow. His hand curled around her hip, holding her steady, his other hand palming her breast, his thumb teasing over the pebbled peak of her nipple. 

“ _ Ben _ .” She hissed out against his mouth, releasing her hold on his cock. Rey gripped at his shoulders, digging her nails in as she used him for leverage to lift herself up off the floor. She wrapped her legs around him, pressing her back against the shower wall. They were both directly beneath the water’s fall, heightening the experience as the water ran over their skin in rivlets. 

Ben dragged his lips along her collarbone, as she rocked her hips, his cock sliding along her sensitive flesh. They both inhaled sharply at the contact and he slipped his hand down between them to guide his cock to her center. 

Rey dug her nails into his shoulders harder as he slid into her. She leaned her head back against the shower wal as she rolled her hips to meet his movements. “You feel so good.”

“So do you.” He rasped out, brushing his lips along her throat, before he claimed her lips again. Ben pushed aside all other thoughts and focused solely on  _ her _ . He pressed his face into the crook of her neck, groaning against her skin as she scraped her nails down the back of his neck. 

Rey rocked her hips faster, building up the tempo of their movement. “Just like that.” She whispered, leaning in to catch his lips. Their pace was slow and steady, moving together with a natural ease. He could already feel the way her inner walls were fluttering, right on the edge of coming undone. 

Ben tried to hold back. To push through his own desire to come apart within her. He shifted the angle of his thrusts, sliding in and out of her as her release started to hit. She cried out against his lips, a slur of curses and his name as her body clenched tightly around him. 

_ Come on Ben _ . She urged. 

In response, he released his hold on her hip and slipped it in between them. His fingers sought out her clit, picking up the pace of his thrusts. Trying to push her through her release and straight into a second. He could feel it coiling up between their bond, ready to explode. 

Rey let out a throaty moan, her head falling back against the shower as her body tensed. He couldn’t tell if he’d pushed her through to a second release or if her first hadn’t stopped. But that was what caused his control to slip. It was completely  _ overwhelming _ . 

She tightened the grip of her legs around his hips as he slumped against her, his breathing coming out raggedly, dancing over the wet skin of her shoulder. “Someone finally found control.” She teased, smoothing her hand over his shoulders. 

Ben gave a short chuckle at that. “It’s about time.” 

Rey tugged at his hair to make him look at her. “Considering you’ve only been at it a little over a week… I’m impressed.” 

“It’s hard to believe so little time has passed.” Ben mused. “It feels like a lifetime.” 

“I wonder what an actual lifetime will feel like.” Rey questioned as she let her legs slip from his hips, curling her arms around him. 

Ben swallowed thickly, hiding his expression as he pressed his lips to her temple. “I wonder.” 

 

* * *

“I’m just saying… The Gungans talk  _ really _ weird.” Rey said as they walked up the stairs that led to the town home. “I know it sounds bad, but… it’s  _ laughable _ !” 

“You’re right. It does sound bad.” Ben said with a chuckle as he pushed the door open, letting Rey step inside the foyer ahead of him. His heart clenched as he realized they weren’t alone. 

Rey’s eyes widened as they fell on the familiar figure looming in the doorway. She quickly turned to face him, her hands shaking as she reached out to grab his hands. “ _ Ben _ ! This isn’t what it looks like. I swear to the stars and back. I have no idea why she’s here! Please believe me.” 

Ben pulled his eyes away from his mother’s gaze, turning his attention to Rey. He blinked for a moment, trying to process what she was saying. The fear she was pushing through their connection distracted him momentarily, though it could’ve been his own looping back at him. “I know.” He said carefully, squeezing her hands. 

“I swear I didn’t contact her! I haven’t had the beacon since…” Rey’s words trickled out, her expression crumpling as the realization hit her. “You…” 

He nodded his head slowly. “I activated the beacon.” 

“I had a feeling it was you,” Leia said as she took a step forward. “As soon as I saw that the beacon was  _ here _ .” She gestured around the townhouse.

Rey turned around to face her, taking a step backwards so her back was pressed against his chest. “Please don’t hurt him. He’s changed. I swear he’s changed.” 

Leia frowned. “When someone is filled with  _ so _ much darkness…”

“ _ No _ !” Rey snapped and Ben placed his hands on her shoulders to calm her. 

“She’s right, Rey. After everything I’m done, I don’t think I can turn the way you wish I could.” 

“You already have!” Rey insisted, blinking back tears as she jerked out of his grip, turning around to face him. “I can feel it.” 

Ben bowed his head. “I’m ready to pay for what I’ve done, mother.” He said stiffly, forcing back his own tears that were threatening to fall. He was trying, in vain, to keep his emotions in check. But they were fracturing at the edges, just like the unstable lightsaber he called his own. 

Rey’s brows knit together and she looked between Leia and Ben. “What about ruling Ben? What about all of our plans?” 

“I wanted to tell you that my plans had changed. But I was  _ afraid _ .” He admitted, pressing his lips together as he felt a lump rise up in the back of his throat. “I was afraid you would talk me out of it. I’ve been afraid since I saw myself pulling you into the darkness. And I knew I couldn’t let that happen to you. I couldn’t corrupt you like Snoke corrupted me.” 

“You weren’t  _ corrupting  _ me!” Rey insisted, her fists curling into balls at her sides. 

“We both know that’s a lie.” Ben swallowed thickly. “I’m just sorry I ended up hurting you. When that was the last thing I wanted to do.” He wiped a tear away from his cheek, stepping past Rey towards his mother. “I’m turning myself over to the Rebellion.” He said quietly, before he collapsed to his knees before her. 

“And what crimes have you committed?” 

Ben swallowed thickly, keeping his gaze low as he began to speak. “Notably, the destruction of the Jedi Temple, the massacre of my peers, the death of Lor San Tekka, the murder of my father Han Solo, and the deaths of various Rebellion fighters in combat.” 

“I believe you’re forgetting the Hosnian system.” Leia remarked, keeping her voice steady.

He lifted his eyes to meet hers. “I was against the action.” Ben’s voice wavered. “But you may add it to my list of crimes if you consider it my doing.” 

Leia  _ please _ .” Rey started, moving back to stand between them. “You don’t understand what he went through. What Snoke did to turn him. What you’re own brother did.” 

“ _ Rey _ .” Ben urged. “Please don’t.” 

“What my brother did?” Leia narrowed her eyes at her. “What are you talking about?”

“He admitted it to me. On Ahch-To. When Ben was training with him, the night he destroyed the Temple… Luke tried to murder him.”

Leia gave her a skeptical look, before she looked back to Ben. She must’ve seen it in his eyes. “Is this true?”

Ben nodded his head slowly. “I awoke in the night. He was standing above me, lightsaber activated and posed to kill me. I grabbed my own, parried against his attack and pulled the roof down on us.” He looked away. “But that’s not an excuse.” 

Leia arched a brow, looking between him and Rey. “Why did you activate the beacon?”

Ben followed her gaze to Rey, smiling a little, before his expression fell. “Because I didn’t want her to follow in my footsteps. I could see what was happening and… I wouldn’t wish this on someone I love.”

“You love her?” 

“With everything I have left.” Ben admitted, tears slipping down his cheeks. 

“That seems awfully quick.” Leia said with a questioning look between the two of them. 

“We share a bond.” Rey said quickly. “I don’t know when it started. Or if it’s always been there. But it is. That’s how I know. There is  _ hope _ left for Ben Solo. You have to believe me.” 

“You’ve been with the First Order for how long now, Rey?” Leia questioned. “Chewbacca told me about your little trip.” She shook her head. “I should take both of you into custody.” 

Rey took a step backwards. “Leia, please.” 

She raised her hand to silence Rey. “I’m  _ not _ .” 

“You’re not?” Ben jerked his head up to look at his mother. “What?”

Leia sighed heavily, “The Rebellion is weak. We are running on fumes on every front. My men are exhausted, our weapons are depleted, and I had to get Chewbacca to fly the Falcon here. I can’t risk the First Order coming to rescue you.” 

Rey laughed bitterly. “You don’t have to worry about that. They’d leave us for dead if they were given the choice.” 

Ben shrugged. “She has a point. They’d be the ones that shot us dead too.” He shook his head. “Rey, get the datapad. I think I left it on the table by the sofa.” 

Leia gave her a wary look, but she let her leave them to fetch the datapad. “You  _ really _ love her?”

Ben smiled. “I do. She makes me feel.  _ Everything. _ ” 

She tilted her head, studying his expression. “Is she the reason you activated the beacon?” 

He nodded his head, holding her gaze. “I saw what was happening. I had to make a choice. She has so much light in her. So much power. But I was pulling her down. The darkness was seeping in. She’s even more powerful than me.” 

Rey returned with the datapad and they both turned to look at her. “Well, I know what you two were talking about.” She remarked, holding the datapad out for Ben. “Here.”

“Give it to my mother.” He said. “I want you to have it. It has all the schematics for the First Order ships. The weaknesses, strengths, locations. There’s a full inventory for our crews. It’s information that can help you bring them down.” 

“Them?” Leia questioned, taking the datapad from Rey. “Not  _ you _ ?” 

“Kylo Ren died the same day that Snoke did. I killed Snoke and she killed Kylo Ren.” He said quietly, his voice trembling as tears began to fall again. “I want to be remembered for who I am, not who I became.” 

Rey angrily wiped away tears. “Why are you doing this, Ben? Why didn’t you tell me this was your plan all along?”

“Because it wasn’t my plan all along. I had been perfectly prepared to rule the Galaxy with you at my side. I wanted to bring peace and order back, just like you did. But I saw the path we were going down and I knew I couldn’t let you follow me there.” 

Leia’s brows knit together as she looked over the information on the datapad. “This has  _ everything _ about the First Order.”

“I have it to Rey so she could learn what she was getting herself into… I think the Force knew I would need to give it to you.” Ben said as he looked at Rey. “I’m sorry I’ve hurt you Rey. But you made me realize that I was on the wrong path.” 

“We could’ve run away! We came here… you had the perfect opportunity to escape from the First Order. Why did you have to do this?” 

Ben looked towards his mother, “Because I knew with us out of the way, Hux and Phasma will return to Crait and obliterate the remains of the Rebellion. I couldn’t let them do it. I would’ve had to live with that.”

Leia lifted her gaze to look at him. “Do you regret it?”

He knew exactly what she meant. “Every day.” He whispered, closing his eyes. “When I look in the mirror, I see his eyes. I see him in that moment. Even as I ignited the lightsaber, he looked at me like I always wanted him to.” 

“ _ Ben _ .” Leia pursed her lips, swallowing back emotion. “He loved you.” 

“I know that now. I realized it too late. I thought it was what I had to do. Snoke knew what my weaknesses were. He preyed upon the fact that I was so much like my father. He pushed me to do it. And I wish I could take it back.” He slowly opened his eyes, meeting Leia’s once more. “Whatever you choose to do, please make sure she’s safe.” 

Leia looked towards Rey, offering her a sympathetic smile. “If he returns with me to Crait and we defeat the First Order - he  _ will _ have to pay for his crimes. And I’m afraid that leaves you in a tricky situation, Rey. I don’t know if there’s a place for you in the Rebellion. When news came after Finn returned. When we learned that the pair of you had taken over…”

Rey covered her mouth. “ _ Finn _ .”

Ben frowned as he looked up at Rey. He could feel her pain at the mere notion of the loss. “I’m sure the friendship can still be salvaged.” 

Leia shook her head. “I don’t think so. I don’t think anyone among us would be comfortable.” 

Rey pulled her hand away from her mouth. “If you take him to Crait, I’m coming with you. Whether they like it or not. I’m not leaving him behind.” 

“You should start over somewhere new.” 

Rey turned around and glared at him. “Are you honestly that  _ thick _ ? I can’t go back to having nothing Ben. Not when I’ve finally found someone who makes me happy. Someone who I thought  _ loved _ me.” 

“I do love you.” Ben asserted, starting to rise back to his feet, but Leia gestured for him to stay down and he did. “You know I love you.” 

“Rey, I have no doubt that he loves you. A person who has everything doesn’t risk it all for  _ one _ person if they don’t love them.” Leia said as she handed the datapad back to Rey. “Do you understand everything on that datapad?”

Rey looked between the datapad and Leia, her brows furrowing together. “I’ve read almost everything there is to read.” She glanced back at Ben. “Why?”

“I want the two of you to come back to Crait with me. Not as prisoners, but as allies. You know the weaknesses of the First Order intimately now. That knowledge is of great value to the Rebellion.” 

“Enough to grant amnesty?” Ben questioned, “For Rey?”

“Play your cards right and maybe it can be for both of you.” Leia sighed heavily, shaking her head at her decision. “May the Force be with us all.” 


	14. Chapter 14

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Not as long as I would've liked it to be but HERE WE ARE

Rey hadn’t spoken to him since the Millennium Falcon left Naboo. They had roughly a day’s journey back to Crait and he was  _ dreading _ spending it in silence, alone. He had gotten used to having Rey beside him, that not having her felt wrong. He kept to himself, listening to Rey’s distant voice as she socialized with his mother and Chewbacca in the cockpit.

Leia was insistent that he was a  _ guest, _ not a prisoner, but he knew exactly what that meant. And he deserved it. He would’ve actually preferred being in handcuffs, rather than laying awkwardly on a bunk bed, wishing for time to move faster. He doubted that any of the rebels would appreciate the lack of safeguards against him when they arrived.

“Hey.”

Ben sat up quickly, “ _ Rey _ .” He couldn’t help but smile at her. 

“Chewie suggested I come back here and talk to you.” Rey said, moving to sit on the foot of the bunk bed. “Were you going to stay in here the whole trip?”

Ben raked his hand over his face. “ _ Yeah _ . I didn’t really think I would be welcomed out there. It’s… uncomfortable. Being  _ here _ ... with  _ them _ .” He explained, sighing heavily. 

Rey nodded understandingly, picking at the blanket that was draped over the bed. “Why didn’t you tell me what you had planned?” She questioned. “You blindsided me. It felt like you were  _ leaving _ me just like everyone else.”

Ben bit down on his bottom lip, grimacing a little at the pain as it lanced through him. He’d really done a number on it. “I know. But it was the only way.” He met her eyes. “I didn’t mean to hurt you. I was trying to protect you.”

“I don’t need someone to protect me. I can do that on my own.” Rey said firmly. “But I do get it. I just thought… we’d escape the darkness another way.” She inhaled sharply. “There’s still a chance, you know… even if you come out of this war as the hero who brought down his own creation… they may still choose to-“

“I know.” Ben stopped her before she said it. He’d been laying in bed for hours, contemplating that very fact. There was only so much pull his mother had. There were people in the galaxy that would want to see him dead. 

“We could’ve run away.” Rey whispered, kicking off her shoes and moving to join him on the bed. “Wouldn’t that have been better than this?”

Ben shook his head, welcoming her into his arms. “Then I would’ve just been running from what I’ve done. I need to pay for my crimes.”

Rey pressed her face into the crook of his neck, a few stray tears slipping down her cheeks and wetting his neck. “I thought that things were changing. I thought you would finally turn.”

Ben held her tighter. “I  _ have _ turned, Rey. I turned the day you said you’d join me. That’s why I did this.” He pressed his lips to her temple. 

She pulled back to look at him, her eyes sad and searching his. “If it comes to a trial… please don’t make it a sacrifice, Ben. I don’t want to lose you.”

“I don’t see how anyone would let me go free, Rey.” He reached out and cupped her cheek. “I don’t understand why my mother is doing this.”

“Because she doesn’t want to lose her son.” Rey insisted. “She thought you were gone. She thought she’d lost you for good. But there you were.” She leaned forward and pressed her forehead to his. “She loves you.”

“She does?”

“Of course she does.” Rey brushed her fingers over the hair at the nape of his neck as she rested her hand there. “She regrets how she handled your upbringing. She was so focused on her own ambitions, she forgot to put you before them.”

Ben closed his eyes. “I felt like I was a burden to them.”

“You have a chance to reconnect with her.” Rey whispered. “I would kill for that chance. Don’t waste it.” 

He nodded his head solemnly. “I’m not ready yet. I need more time.” He sighed. “I’m sorry.”

“You don’t have to keep apologising.” Rey remarked gently.

“I do.” Ben opened his eyes slowly, meeting hers. “I can feel how upset you are. With me.”

“I get why you did this, Ben. I really do. But…” She pulled back and shook her head. “I wish you had told me.”

“Would you have stopped me?”

Rey pressed her lips together, before she slowly nodded her head, dropping her gaze. “Yes.”

“That’s why I didn’t tell you.” Ben said quietly, reaching out to touch her cheek. “What I saw… it shook me out of my own ambitions. I knew I could keep us on that path. You would lose yourself.”

“I’m stronger than you think.”

Ben shook his head. “I thought I was strong too. It’s swift.” He brushed his thumb over the rise of her cheekbone. “I did this for you, Rey. For whatever we can still be together.”

“Do you think we even have a chance?” She questioned, leaning into his touch. “Can we defeat them?”

“If we help the Rebels form a strategic plan… I think it can be achieved.” He leaned in and kissed her gently.

“We have at least a day once we get to Crait before Hux realizes we aren’t returning.” Rey whispered, pulling back from the kiss, looking away. “You broke my trust.” 

Ben pressed his lips together. “I know I did.”

“Give me a little time.” She promised, resting her hand on his chest. 

“I love you.”

Rey smiled faintly. “I love you too.”

 

* * *

Rey stayed with Ben on the bunk for a few hours, curled up beside him, sound asleep. He hated that he  _ had _ hurt her. It had never been his intention, but the only path he saw moving forward was the one he took. He knew what he had seen when when he looked into her mind and while she refused to see it, he had seen it clearly. 

He carefully removed his arm from under her head so he could climb off the bed. He leaned back down and pressed a quick kiss to her forehead. “I’ll be back.” He whispered as her eyes fluttered open. “ _ Promise _ .”

Ben stepped out of the room, swallowing thickly as he made his way up to the cockpit. He tried to act casual, leaning against the doorframe, his arms crossed across his chest. In truth, his heart felt like it was going to jump out of his chest. “How’s it going?”

Leia turned to look at him. Her eyes flickered over the length of him with an arched brow. “You look like your father.”

He pulled away from the doorway, dropping his arms to his sides. “ _ Sorry _ .” 

She shook her head. “It’s not a bad thing.” And Chewie agreed with her. “Is Rey asleep?”

“Finally.” Ben said as he stepped further into the cockpit. “I could feel how exhausted she was. But it was mostly emotional exhaustion.”

“You’re afraid for her, aren’t you?”

“ _ Terrified _ .” Ben sighed. “I saw what I was doing to her. I saw where she was going. As appealing as darkness looks on her, I love her for her light.”

Leia smiled a little, laughing as Chewie made a snarky remark about not wanting to hear anything about what he found appealing. “You’ve only known her a short time.” She questioned, though she phrased it like a statement. 

“Less than three weeks in total.” Ben shrugged. “But it feels like a lifetime.” 

“Rey mentioned that you share a bond. How long has it been there?” Leia crossed her arms across her chest, tilting her head to the side curiously. 

Ben combed his fingers through his hair, before mirroring her posture. “I can’t pinpoint the exact moment. It may have been there all along.”

“That’s interesting.” Leia remarked, glancing over her shoulder at Chewie’s added commentary about that being the stupidest thing he’d ever heard. 

“I’m well aware that it sounds crazy.” Ben rolled his eyes. “But what we have something special. I can feel what she feels sometimes. We can communicate without speaking. See into each other’s pasts. Our memories.”

Leia’s brows shot upwards. “That’s quite the bond. I haven’t heard of anything like that.”

“Neither have I. I don’t understand it.” Ben chewed on his bottom lip. “But I don’t want to lose it. I don’t want to lose her.”

“She doesn’t want to lose you either,” Leia told him with a small smile. “She’s upset with you.”

Ben nodded, his brows knitting together. “I know she is. But I had to do it.”

“That’s part of being in love. Making the tough decisions.” Leia frowned. “And sometimes making the wrong decisions.” She looked away. 

“I know I didn’t make the wrong decision.”

“But  _ I _ did.” Leia rubbed at her temples with an exhausted sigh. “Chewie, do you mind giving us a moment?” 

Ben swallowed thickly as Chewie stood up, towering above him as he stepped past him through the threshold. 

“You were a special child.” Leia said quietly as she turned her back to Ben. “I knew from the moment I first felt your life force inside me that you were meant for something great. So much power.” She glanced backwards over her shoulder at him. “I think your father wished you would be like him. Your father was about as Force sensitive as a Fathier.”

Ben snorted at that. “I always thought he was a little bitter that he wasn’t like us.”

“I don’t know if bitter’s the right word.” Leia said with a short laugh. “I could see the fear in his eyes when I told him I could feel the strength of your Force. You were this living band of light. But I knew that where that pure light dwelled, darkness was waiting to corrupt it.” She turned back around to face him. “I tried to protect you from it.”

Ben’s brows furrowed. “I didn’t feel protected. I felt cast aside.”

“That was  _ never  _ my intention.” 

“Your political ambitions were more important than me.”

“Everything I did politically as for you.” Leia asserted. “I wanted to make a better world for you to be raised in. I wanted to keep you safe.”

“And you pushed  _ him _ away.”

“We pushed each other away.” Leia closed her eyes and sighed heavily. “But I never stopped loving Han.” 

“What about me?” Ben questioned hesitantly. 

Her eyes snapped open. “You’re my son. Of course I love you. Even after all you’ve done.”

Ben set his jaw hard, wiping away a stray tear that slid down his cheek. “I never  _ thought _ you did. I never felt it.”

Leia moves towards him swiftly, lifting her hands to cup his cheeks. He felt like a child again. He might have been a head and a half taller than her, but he felt like he was knee-high. “If I could go back… I would do it all differently. I would be there for you.”

“But we  _ can’t  _ go back and change the past.” Ben blinked back tears, clenching his eyes closed. “We can only hope for a future.”

“Rey believes in you. She believes there is a future for you.” Leia brushed her thumb over the scar on his cheek. “I believe in you.”

Ben collapsed to his knees in front of her. “I don’t know if I believe in myself. But I want to. I don’t want to fail Rey. Or you.”

“Then help us defeat the First Order and I will fight for you when the time comes. Like I should’ve before.”  
  



	15. Chapter 15

Ben pulled up the hem of his tunic to show Chewbacca the scar from the bowcaster strike. “Luckily you just grazed me.” He gave Chewie a horrified look at his response. “I realize you were  _ trying  _ to hit me. Your aim is getting bad in your old age.” 

Chewie through his hands up in the air in response and left the cockpit, leaving Ben at the helm. He swiveled his seat around, watching out the window as the streaks of blue passed before him. They were only three hours away from Crait. Three hours away from the rebels. Three hours from the beginning of the end for the First Order. 

“ _ Hey _ .” Rey said from the doorway as she walked in. “You said you’d come back to bed.”

Ben turned the chair back around to face her, smiling at her. “ _ Sorry _ . I meant to, but then I got to talking with my mother and then Chewie.” He wrung his hands together. “I don’t know how you convinced him to send yourself to me. I don’t think he’ll ever forgive me.” 

“He thought I was crazy.” Rey laughed humorlessly. She crossed her arms across her chest as she stepped further inside the cockpit, moving to sit down in the seat beside him, curling her legs up to her chest. “How much longer?”

“About three hours.” Ben answered, leaning forward to look at the dashboard. “A little more than three.” He started to bite down on his bottom lip, but he gagged. “I hate how Bacta tastes.”

Rey turned her chair around to face him. “You finally decided to treat it?” She shook her head with a chuckle. 

“I think she enjoyed…  _ mothering  _ me.”

“How are things?” She questioned, resting her chin on her folded arms. 

Ben shrugged. “We talked. I told her how I felt. We’re making progress.” He smiled at her. “How are  _ we _ ?”

Rey rubbed her lips together and looked out the window. “We’re good.”

“ _ Really _ ?”

“Really.” Rey said with a nod. “I think you’re right. About the darkness. I didn’t come back up and I still don’t know if I did. I tried to just brush it off.” She sighed, leaning back in the seat. “The truth is...I’m  _ scared _ .”

“So am I.” Ben held his hand out, squeezing hers as she reached out and place it in his hold. “But we’re going to do this. We’re going to bring down the First Order. Then there will finally be balance.”

“And what will happen  _ after _ ?” Rey questioned, “If we succeed. If somehow the rebels can defeat The First Order… if your mother finds a loophole to grant you amnesty as well. What happens to us?” 

Ben frowned, his brows knitting together. “We’ll be together.” 

Rey turned to look at him, “We will?” 

His heart clenched in his chest. “Do you think we  _ won’t _ ?”

“I don’t know.” Rey admitted, looking down at their joined hands. “I just worry that as much of a pull as there is between us, there’s a push apart as well.” 

“I feel it too.” Ben said, tugging lightly on her hand. She released her hold, moving to get out of her seat and join him. He wrapped his arms around her as she settled onto his lap. “I’d like to think the pull is stronger than the push. But it will always be a struggle.”

“Is this why Jedi were forbidden to form attachments?” Rey questioned, resting her cheek on his shoulder. “Because of the inner conflict? I was reading through the ancient texts after you left. They’re very determined in the fact that Jedi aren’t to form attachments. They even caution against strong familial bonds between Masters and their Padawans.”

Ben ran his hand along her side, pressing his lips to the top of her head. “I’m sure that’s why. Relationships are a distraction. In the days of old, I know that the Jedi Order took children as infants as soon as the Force awoke in them. Stripping them from the burdens of family.”

“I can’t even imagine that.” Rey sighed, chewing on her bottom lip. “I mean… I guess I  _ can _ . I don’t even remember my parents. I know exactly how it feels to not have that burden.” 

“I was fortunate I thought, because I was older and my uncle was my teacher. But as we see, that didn’t work out either.” Ben rested his hand on her knee, lightly tracing his fingers over her skin. 

“If the Jedi Order was still in place… do you think I would’ve been taken to be trained? The Force didn’t awaken in me until recently. It was always there but… dormant.”

“I don’t know.” Ben whispered, leaning his head against hers as he watched out the window. “I know I’ve wondered if we would’ve still found each other… if Luke hadn’t turned against me. If my parents had been more present.”

“If my parents hadn’t traded me for drinking money.” 

He squeezed her knee. “I like to think the Force would’ve brought us together.”

“ _ Maybe _ .” Rey said quietly, lifting her hand to play with his hair. “Even before the Force fully awoke with in me… I know I saw you before. In dreams. In nightmares. We’ve always been connected.”

“Then we always will be.” Ben said with a determined voice. 

“What happens if…” Rey tilted her head to look at him, her brows pinched together. “What happens to this connection if something happens to one of us?”

“I don’t know.” He looked away. “Honestly, I know  _ nothing _ about Force bonds. Especially nothing like ours. All Force users are connected, but… not like this.” Ben pressed a quick kiss to her cheek, “But don’t worry about it. Nothing’s going to happen to me.” He promised, even though he wasn’t completely convinced of that himself. 

“You really think so?”

He shrugged. “No, but I want to believe that my mother  _ will  _ fight for me. I want to believe her when she says she really does love me.” Ben knew from experience that belief like that only spelt heartbreak, but he really wanted to  _ try _ . To believe her when she said she would be there for him. 

“She does.” Rey said firmly. “And Chewie still does too.” She brushed her fingers through the hair at the nape his neck. 

“I want to move forward.” Ben said resolutely. “I’m finally in a headspace where I can let go of the past. But who knows how long it’ll last.”

“I know how hard it is, Ben. I still wake up at night and wonder if my parents will ever show up again. Even though I know they’re gone. I believed they’d come back for  _ fifteen  _ years. Even though I knew in my heart they had abandoned me and they were never coming back. The past isn’t so easily let go of.”

“But Jedis are supposed to be able to let go.”

“Do you  _ want _ to be a Jedi?”

“No.”

“What do you really want Ben? Because I don’t think you know.”

“You’re right.” He retorted after contemplating for a moment. “I don’t know what I want.” He sank back against the seat. “I don’t know at all.”

“You don’t have to.” Rey said gently. “You’ve been through a lot and no one needs you to make up your mind right now.”

“But I know what  _ you _ want.” Ben said pointedly. 

“I think I made it obvious that I  _ just  _ want to be with you. I was willing to rule the galaxy, after all. When all I wanted was a quiet life on a planet far, far away.” She retorted. “So unless you don’t want to be with me…”

“I  _ do _ ! That’s not at all what I meant.” Ben assured her, squeezing her knee a little tighter. “It’s just...Snoke was always in my head. Trying to manipulate me and turn me and use me. For the better part of my life, that’s all I knew. And now I’m trying to find myself again and… I’ve done things no one can apologize for. No one can justify. And I don’t know who I am.”

“I could tell you who  _ I  _ think you are, but I don’t think you want to hear that.”

Ben shook his head. “No. I don’t need another voice in my head trying to tell me who I am.” He said with an edge to his words. 

Rey tensed. “Am I another voice in your head?”

He lifted his hand from her knee and pinched the bridge of his nose. “Sometimes. It’s  _ fine _ . Really.” 

Rey cupped her cheek, pressing her lips to his cheek and letting them linger there. “I’m sorry.”

“Don’t be.” Ben replied, curling his arm around her waist. “You’ve helped me in more ways than I can ever express. Being on the Falcon again is a lot. Seeing my mother. Seeing Chewie. It’s brought back a lot of memories.” He drew in a ragged breath before he pressed his lips together, trying to stifle a sob that wouldn’t be stopped. “I miss my father.”

“Oh,  _ Ben _ .” Rey whispered, brushing her knuckles over his cheek. 

Ben shook his head. “She always disapproved of him taking me out on the Falcon. When I got a little older, he would sometimes smuggle me away and take me racing. We got along, but… he wasn’t around a lot. I thought killing him would be the answer. That I would finally go to the Dark Side fully. But it fractured my soul. I don’t know if I can mend it. All of the conflict and pain and…  _ everything.  _ It’s like a flood that can’t be stopped.” He rubbed at his temples. “And I know when we get to Crait… no one will want me there. And I intentionally set into motion for your only friend to hate you.”

“I knew when I stayed that  _ none _ of them would understand.” She frowned. “And I knew exactly what you were doing with making me be the one to let Finn go.” Rey moved to get off his lap, “We’re gonna do this together, Ben.”

Ben stared at her. “I’m destructive. Any time there’s any flicker of  _ hope _ I put it out.” He curled his hands into fists, letting them rest on his knees. 

Rey fixed him with a look, her hands going to her hips. “Then try to stoke it, not smother it.”

“Easier said than done.”

“You’re already trying to.”

He raked his hand over his face. “Am I? Because I feel like I’ve destroyed this.” He gestured between them. 

“You haven’t.” She assured him. “Leia showing up was shock for me. You blindsided me. But I think you made the right choice. The First Order was toxic and now we’re both free.”

“I really hope I made the right choice.” Ben said with a sigh. 

* * *

“I let them know.” Leia said, giving her son a sideways look as she stood beside him. “Understandably, they’re  _ concerned _ .” 

“I would be worried if they weren’t concerned.” Ben said as he rolled his shoulders backwards, standing a little taller as he gave a nod to Chewie to lower the ramp. 

Rey slipped her hand into his, lacing their fingers together. “I’ll be right here.” She reassured him, reaching out through their connection to brush her mind against his gently. 

He squeezed her hand tighter as the ramp was lowered and the rebels and their meager base came into view. It was an outdated space, crammed full of discard crates of useless technology, and he noted a few Vulptexes scurrying away as Chewie started to disembark. 

“I can’t do this.” Ben whispered to Rey as he watched his mother walk down the ramp behind Chewie, leaving the pair of them to follow after. 

“Yes you can.” Rey urged him, taking a few steps forward, tugging at his hand to make him walk with her. 

He met FN-  _ Finn _ ’s disapproving gaze, before looking to the next face, which happened to be Poe Dameron’s. He watched as he pulled his mother aside, his arms crossed across his chest as he glared at Ben. Leia put her hands on Poe’s shoulders, saying something in a low voice that Ben completely missed. 

“As I informed all of you when I departed from Naboo… Ben has agreed to assist the Rebellion.” She gestured for Ben to step forward and he did, releasing Rey’s hand as he moved to stand beside his mother. “He has provided us with a datapad containing all of the schematics for the First Order fleets, as well as pertinent information about bases and allies.” 

Ben cleared his throat, glancing back at Rey for support before he spoke. “Rey and I were working towards a  _ better _ First Order, before I chose to reach out to my mother.” He bit down on his bottom lip, ignoring the putrid taste of the Bacta that hit his tongue. “While I don’t believe you’ll have much luck with  _ all _ of the Core Worlds, I know you’ll have success reaching out to Coruscant. Senator Kora was impressed with Rey’s plans and… I think you might find an ally in them.”

Poe stepped forward, his arms crossed firmly across his chest as he sized him up. “Look. I respect the General’s opinion on this, but… how do we know you’re really on our side?” He narrowed his eyes. “This could be a plan. Finish the rebels off.” 

“You don’t know that.” Ben said simply. “But it’s  _ not _ . Look… Hux  _ will _ turn back to Crait, when they realize Rey and I are gone. You have a day before they’re headed back here to finish the Rebels off. That datapad is all you have.” 

“Let me see it!” The girl who Finn had been with stepped forward, pushing herself in between Poe and Finn to snatch the datapad out of Ben’s hands, before she retreated back behind Finn. 

“I might be able to help with that.” Rey said, moving past Ben. “I’ve been studying it since Ben gave it to me.” 

Finn arched a brow. “Yeah? What else did Ben  _ give _ you?” 

Rey recoiled. “ _ Finn _ .” 

“Don’t  _ Finn _ me.” He held his hand up to stop her. “I know what I saw and… honestly? I was pretty pissed off. After everything we went through together… to see you with  _ him _ .” 

“Easy there.” Ben warned, reaching out to take Rey’s hand as he watched her fingers curl into her palms. “Rey is the reason I’m here. The reason I’ve changed.” 

Finn gave a bitter laugh, before he lunged, his swinging his fist and catching him squarely in the jaw. Pain lanced through him - for his lack of fighting when he was in the First Order, he had a hell of a swing.

Ben lifted his hand instinctively to choke him, but he quickly dropped his hand back to his side when he felt Poe’s blaster digging into his ribs. 

“ _ Stop _ !” Rey shouted, but Leia caught her arm before she could grab the gun away from Poe. 

“All of you! Stand down.” Leia said firmly, shooting a look at Poe that Ben knew  _ all _ too well. It was the withering mother look that could strike fear into any young man’s heart. “That’s enough. Time is of the essence and the  _ last _ thing we need is a brawl of egos.” She turned looked between Finn and Rey, “Work this out. Everyone else… we need to prepare.” 

Ben lifted his hand to rub his jaw, watching as Poe holstered his blaster. “You’ll have to do better than that next time  _ Finn _ .” He bit out, turning to look at Rey. “Doesn’t your  _ friend _ know better than punching people who are trying to help?”

“Yeah, well…” Finn countered, narrowing his eyes at Rey. “Doesn’t your  _ boyfriend _ know better than to be evil?” 

Rey bit back a laugh. “That was your come back?”

“That was pretty weak, man.” Poe retorted, clapping Finn on the back as he walked away with the girl who had taken the datapad. 

Finn pressed his lips together, dropping his gaze to the floor. “You hurt me with this Rey…” 

“You don’t seem  _ terribly _ hurt.” Ben gritted out, nodding his head towards the girl with the datapad that was making eyes at Finn as she spoke with Poe, who was  _ also _ making eyes at Finn. 

Rey elbowed Ben in the ribs. “It was  _ never  _ my intention to hurt you, Finn. Everything happened so fast after I left to find Luke. The bond between Ben and I opened up and I left to find him… please don’t hold it against me.”

“It’s kinda hard not to.” Finn said, crossing his arms across his chest. “Are we really calling him Ben now?”

“He’s Ben Solo.” Rey said firmly. “And I  _ love  _ him.”

Finn’s eyes widened. “You  _ love _ him? Like love,  _ love _ ? What the hell! It’s been like two weeks!”

“Like I said… it happened fast.”

Finn held his hands up. “Oh no. No. That doesn’t happen like  _ that _ . Not with someone like him. Rey… come on.”

Ben hesitantly reaches out and took Rey’s hand. “I think the one thing we have in common, Finn, is that we care about Rey.”

Finn looked between them, dropping his hands to his side, his shoulders sagging. “ _ Fine _ . But I swear to the stars, if you’re playing us… I’m gonna kill you, bring you back to life, and kill you again.” He squeezed Rey’s shoulder. “It is good to see you again.”

Rey tensed as she watched Finn walk away to joint Poe and the girl. He could feeling the longing pouring off of her, a different kind of longing than he was used to feeling. That longing for friendship and family. 

She turned to look at him, lifting her hand to touch his jaw where he’d got punched. “That’s gonna leave a nasty bruise.”

“Are you okay?”

“Yeah.” She lied, looking away. “I’m going to go see what we can do. I don’t wanna stand around and watch everyone else work.” Rey rose up on her toes and pressed a quick kiss to his lips before she walked away. 

Ben looked around the repurposed base, wondering how he’d ever thought the rebels could actually beat the First Order with  _ thi _ s. They were all screwed. 


	16. Chapter 16

Ben met Rey’s eyes across the command room, flashing her a faint smile before he turned his attention back to his mother. “I feel like I’m inhibiting progress here. They’re wasting time trying to fact check everything I say.  _ We _ don’t have time to waste.”

“Connix is working on contacting Coruscant with the code you provided us.” Leia said calmly, gesturing to the blond woman that was sat at the control panel with a headset on, trying to get the archaic piece of tech to work for them. “Poe and Rose are working on our defense plan.”

“We need an offensive plan. Hux knows you’ve only got a few ships and limited supplies. He’s the one that’s obsessed with blotting out the Resistance. He’s going to give it everything the First Order has to ensure no one can come in his way again. And he’s been biding his time to get rid of  _ me _ .”

Leia reaches out and took his hands, looking him in the eyes. “I feel good about this. And if it  _ is _ the end, I’m glad we reconciled.”

“So am I.” Ben said with a genuine smile. “Even if it isn’t the end. I’m glad.”

“Are you still good at mechanics?” She questioned, tilting her head to the side. 

Ben’s smile spread into a grin. “That’s a skill you don’t just  _ forget _ .” That was one thing he had had in common with his father. He had fond memories of being in the  _ Falcon  _ helping Han tinker with her. 

“We’ve got a small Alliance fleet here. Old, but usable. Think you can work your magic on it?”

“X-Wings?” 

Leia nodded, “A handful of them, thirteen Ski Speeders, and one beat up light cruiser. Poe already had a look at them and he thinks they’re useless.” She winked at him. “But I know my son’s abilities.”

Ben made a face. “Let’s see what I can do.” He stood a little taller, stepping past his mother and heading over to where Rey had joined Poe and Rose to work with the information on the datapad. He was impressed with how good she was at explaining the components of ships she’d never seen in person. Then again, she was used to scavenging parts. “How’s it going?”

Poe narrowed his eyes at him. “ _ Fine _ .”

“I was talking to Rey, but thank you for your input.” Ben said with a snide smile, resting his hand on the small of Rey’s back. “I’m heading over to the hangar to take a look at the ships if you need me.” 

She turned to face him, “Have fun.” 

“I’ll try.” He leaned down to press a quick kiss to her forehead.  _ How is it going? _

Rey scrunched up her nose.  _ Not as well as I’d hoped. We need Connix to get through to Senator Kora, otherwise we’re screwed.  _

_ Hopefully I can salvage the ships. We need fire power _ . Ben met Poe’s glare as he stepped away. “What?”

“I don’t know if I trust you with the  _ only _ chance we have off this hellhole.” 

“It’s per the General’s orders.” 

“Yeah, well… She’s also your mother and she’s dealing with serious injuries. Her judgement’s flawed.” 

Ben scoffed. “I’ll let her know how you feel,  _ Commander _ … oh wait. It’s Captain isn’t it?”

“You’re just itching for another punch aren’t you?” Poe turned to look at Rey. “You really like this smug bastard?”

Rey barely stifled a laugh. “No, I like Ben. Not you.” 

Rose snorted, ducking her head to try to mask it. “Okay,  _ that _ was a good one.” She straightened back up again, pointing her finger at Ben. “But just so we’re clear - I  _ really _ hate you. You’re the reason my sister is dead. And Finn has told me what it was like to be a Stormtrooper. We are  _ not _ okay.” 

“Hey, don’t forget I got tortured.” Poe added, giving her a sideways look, before he puffed up his chest and squared off with Ben. “I already looked at the ships. They’re shit. You’re crazy if you think we stand a chance against the First Order with those outdated pieces of junk.” He gestured to the datapad. “And if we get hit with more than one capital ship, we’re done before we even started.” 

Ben crossed his arms across his chest, “You’d be surprised what could be done with a rustbucket. We don’t really have many options here. Until Connix makes contact with Senator Kora and gets him to send support, we need to be prepared to go out on our own.” 

Poe narrowed his eyes. “We’ve already lost enough good women and men.” 

“We won’t lose anymore.” 

“There’s no  _ we _ .” Poe corrected. “There’s  _ you _ and then there’s  _ us _ .” He looked towards Rey. “You’re somewhere in the middle.” 

“ _ Thanks _ .” She retorted dryly. 

“Just keeping it real.” Poe retorted, before turning his attention back to Ben. “I’m coming with you. I don’t want you around those ships.”

Ben pinched the bridge of his nose. “If you get in my way…”

“You’ll what?”

“Don’t tempt me.” Ben glowered, before turning his back on Poe and heading for the hangar. He could hear the pilot trailing along behind him, but he chose to ignore his existence. He was trying his patience  _ intentionally _ , he knew it. Trying to push him until he snapped and he could voice a loud “ _ told you so _ ”. He wasn’t playing into that.

Ben’s brows knit together as his eyes fell on the beat up and rusty ships lined up in the hangar. They had salt corrosion all of them, which was a given on a planet like Crait, but also a pain in the ass to remedy. 

“If you’re going to stand around and watch me work, at least make yourself useful.” Ben said, looking back over his shoulder at Poe. “Check the supplies room for any etchants. We need to get the corrosion off.” 

“Less corrosion isn’t going to make those rustbuckets work.” Poe retorted. 

He sighed. “This was before they started sealing them. Check the supplies room for  _ any _ kind of solvent.”

“ _ Fine _ .” Poe relented, keeping an eye on Ben the entire way to the supplies closet. “The only solvents in here are about twenty years past date.” 

“Bring them.” Ben said as he walked around the light cruiser. It was on the smaller side of the scale, roughly fifty meters long and only capable of holding maybe twenty passengers. It had clearly taken a beating. “You work on cleaning up the X-Wing and I’m going to try to rewire the turret-mount. If we can get the laser cannon back up an running, we’ll have some serious firepower at our disposal.”

“You’re insane if you seriously think we can take on the First Order with one gunner.”

Ben glared at him. “That X-Wing’s got four working laser cannons  _ if  _ you get the salt off of it.” He gritted out. “You’ve even got a BB unit to help pilot it.” 

“You stay away from  _ my _ BB unit.” Poe snapped as he wrenched the cap off of the solvent, screwing up his face at the smell. “This reeks!” 

“It’s a chemical.” Ben said dryly as he knelt down beside the light cruiser, using the Force to unscrew the bolts that held the turret-mount on. “Try to clean as much of the corrosion off the wings. It’ll weigh them down, throw the whole balance off.” 

Poe grumbled something in response that Ben didn’t catch and he really didn’t care. All he cared about was getting the ships fixed before Hux realized he and Rey  _ weren’t _ coming back and headed back for Crait. Though, knowing Hux, he was already headed towards Crait and had forced a mutiny out of the crew. Though - luckily - the officers had been pretty impressed with Rey’s attention to memorizing their names. If they’d stayed longer, he was fairly certain she would’ve started giving the Stormtroopers names. Though… given how things had been steadily going downhill for her… maybe not. 

 

* * *

After an hour of working in relative silence, aside from a few disgruntled remakes out of both of them, they’d managed to get the X-Wing and light cruiser functioning. 

“You know…” Poe started, crossing his arms across his chest. “I’m impressed.”

“Ah, what I’ve been waiting for.” Ben said humorlessly. “Affirmation from Captain Poe.” 

“Watch it.”

“Give me something to watch.” Ben bit back.

Poe turned to face him, narrowing his eyes. “Look, I don’t really  _ know _ Rey, but Finn does. When he got back from the First Order he was  _ crushed _ . And I don’t get how it happened. She was on a mission to Ahch-To to find Luke and then she ended up with you.”

Ben arched a brow. “It’s complicated.”

“Of course it is.” Poe shook his head. “This isn’t some sort of mindgame is it? Get Rey to fall in love with you, get the General to think her son is back, and then you’ll sit back and watch us all get killed?”

“ _ No _ .” Ben said firmly, drawing in a ragged breath. “This isn’t that at all. What Rey and I have is special. And the reason I came here was to  _ protect  _ her.”

Poe’s expression relaxed. “Protect her from what?”

Ben stepped past the pilot, “I’d rather not say.”

“Do you think we’re going to beat the First Order?”

He glanced back at Poe. “Yes.” 

 

* * *

Connix spun around in her seat, which let out a rusty groan in protest as she tore off her headset. “I made contact with Senator Kora! He’s sending out a fleet as we speak.”

Ben sighed a breath of relief at the report, keeping to the side as the Rebels cheered and hugged each other. He caught sight of Rey and Finn hugging and as much as he wanted to  _ hate _ it, he was glad he’d accepted Rey as a friend again. He knew that friendship meant a lot to her. 

“That’s because of you.” Leia said as she came up beside him, reaching out to squeeze his arm. “I had no luck when we sent out distress signal. Dead silence.”

“It’s really because of Rey. She had the political sense I lacked.” Ben admitted. “I think I scared Senator Kora.”

“ _ Oh _ ?”

“General Hux wasn’t watching his tongue at breakfast.” Ben said lowly, looking towards Rey. “Though she could’ve handled it without me stepping in. But I didn’t want her to do something she’d regret.”

Leia smiled at him, lifting her hand from his arm to his cheek, brushing his hair away from his eye. “There’s that heart I remembered you having.”

Ben pressed his lips together. “Snoke always said I had my father’s heart. Like it was a bad thing. He made me think it was a  _ bad _ thing. Then there was Rey. She put everything off balance for me.”

“After we get through this… I want to know what you went though.”

“I don’t know if that’s a scab I want to pick at.” Ben warned. 

Leia nodded, cupping his cheek before she dropped her hand away. “I understand.”

“I’m barely holding on.” He whispered, closing his eyes for a moment before he shook himself out of the doubt. “Poe and I managed to get to light cruiser and X-Wing back up and running. The Ski Speeders are useless, unless they come at us with a ground assault. We don’t have time to modify them. They’ve been stripped down to barebones.”

_ Can I come over? _

Ben looked towards Rey, smiling a little as he nodded his head. He turned his attention back to his mother, “We need a gunner and a team of twenty on the light cruiser. Obviously, I think Poe’s flying the X-Wing. A few times I thought I’d need to give them a moment alone.”

“Hey.” Rey said as she approached, coming up beside him and wrapping her arms around his middle. “It looks like your plan may have not been crazy after all.” 

Ben pressed a kiss to the top of her head, rubbing his hand along the length of her back. “I know. I can’t believe it’s working.”

Leia smiled at the pair of them. “I’ll give you two a minute.” She said as she walked past them to talk with Connix.

“How was working with Poe?”

“He’s annoying.” Ben chuckled. “But we managed to get two ships up and running. And I only got  _ one _ lecture about you.”

“About  _ me _ ?”

“Mhm.” He ran his hand over her back. “What’s the deal with him and Finn? He’s awfully protective of him.”

“I can’t tell.” Rey laughed. “Finn’s thick as thieves with Finn  _ and _ Rose.” She shrugged. “What did he say?”

“That Finn was crushed when he found out you were with me.” Ben made a face. “Are you guys okay now?”

Rey glanced at Finn. “More or less. I don’t think he’ll ever actually be okay with you and me.”

“I’m sorry.” Ben frowned. 

“Don't be.” Rey assured him, leaning up to press a kiss to his cheek. “The only opinion I really care about when it comes to our relationship is yours and mine.” She smiled up at him. “And how can any of them have a problem with you  _ now _ ? You’re here, working and fighting alongside them. You turned.” She took his hands in hers, lacing them together. “And once we win… once all of this is over…. I’m making you take me back to Naboo.”

Ben laughed, pulling her towards him so he could lean down and kiss her. “I love you.” 

“You better!” She slapped him playfully in the chest. “You went rogue on me and brought me to a warzone.” 

“Just remember, I didn’t think my mother would actually want me here.” Ben canted his head to the side. “I don’t even know what I thought was going to happen. I just hope this is the best outcome.” 

“Me too.” 


	17. Chapter 17

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Slightly shorter chap as we approach the big fight.

The truth was, the Rebels had done  _ all  _ that they could to prepare for the First Order’s arrival. Leia had graciously and sternly ordered them all to sleep - one last time. Before it all began. 

Senator Kora’s fleet was on track to arrive in Crait’s airspace just ahead of the window of time that they anticipated Hux to show up. It left Ben with a knot in his stomach. If Hux realized that Rey and he weren’t returning earlier than they assumed, the First Order capital ships could obliterate them before reinforcements showed up. 

“Are you scared?” Rey whispered. 

Ben pressed his face into the crook of her neck, curling his arm around her middle tighter. “ _ Yes _ .” He admitted, “But you knew that already didn’t you?”

“It’s radiating off of you.” She told him, wrapping her fingers around his hand where it rested on her stomach. “Though, I’m pretty nervous too.” 

He kissed the spot just behind her ear, “I know what the First Order is capable of doing.” 

Rey turned herself a little so she could look back at him. “We have to have  _ hope _ .” 

“I’m not good with hope, Rey. Like I said before, I put it out whenever there’s a flicker.” Ben closed his eyes, drawing in a ragged breath. “I feel like all of this is too good to be true. You want me, my mother is acting like she cares again, even Poe is being strangely friendly now. If I hadn’t reached out for my mother… if we had returned to the First Order… all of these people would still be safe.” 

“But the  _ darkness _ …” 

“ _ Exactly _ . I turned myself over to spare you, but in the end I may still lose you anyways. We all might lose.” He leaned forward and hid his face against her shoulder. “Did I make the right choice, Rey?”

“I can’t answer that for you.” Rey rolled over fully so she was facing him, winding her fingers through his hair. “Do you think you made the right decision?” 

Ben pulled away from her shoulder, meeting her eyes, his bottom lip trembling a little. “I know I made the right decision for you. I couldn’t let you stay with the First Order… with  _ me _ . Not there. Not like that.”

Rey lifted her hand to brush her fingers over his cheek, leaning in to kiss him gently. He sank into the kiss, letting his lips part as her tongue darted out.  _ Let’s not waste our last night worrying _ . 

There was relative privacy where they were. There were a pair of crew quarters on either side of the Millennium Falcon. They were beside the quad that was being shared by Finn, Poe, and Rose - but the metal walls were thick enough. He would’ve been less keen to do  _ anything _ if they’d taken the quarters that had once been his mother’s.

Ben rolled them over in the bunk, so Rey was pressed against the bed beneath him. She ran her hands down his back, her fingers hooking in the waistband of his pants, in an attempt to get them off. His knee was dug into the mattress, in between her thighs, and he groaned against her lips when she started to grind herself against it. 

She had a point. Tonight could  _ easily _ be their last. As much as he wanted to be optimistic, he knew the reality. It would take a miracle to beat the First Order. 

He turned his attention back to Rey. He trailed his lips along her jawline, slowly drawing her tunic up her midsection as he kissed down her throat. She sat up to help him pull the fabric off of her, before she settled back onto the bunk. Ben cupped her breasts, brushing his lips along the valley between them. 

Rey moaned softly, scraping her nails over the back of his neck and shoulders as he continued kissing lower. “Your mouth feels  _ so _ good.” She whispered, her back arching up off the bed as he trailed his lips over her stomach. 

Ben watched her face as he shifted lower on the bunk, nudging her thighs apart so he could settle in between them. He brushed a kiss to her inner thigh as he reached out to stroke his fingers over her slick folds. She was already wet. 

He slowly pressed two fingers into her, hooking them just right, the way she’d taught him, as he brought his mouth to her clit. He groaned against her flesh at the taste of her arousal as he flicked his tongue out over the bundle of nerves. 

“ _ Ben _ .” She hissed out, grinding herself against his mouth. Her fingers twisted in his hair, holding him right where she wanted him. Rey reached out through their bond, pushing how she felt onto him, flooding the connection with desire. 

He picked up the pace of his fingers, driving them in and out of her as he worked his mouth over sensitive flesh. He could feel the way she was already trembling around his fingers, right on the cusp of coming undone. 

“Come on Ben.  _ More _ .” Rey urged.

Ben’s eyes flashed up meet her eyes, reaching his free hand up to palm her breast roughly. He circled his tongue around her clit, pressing a third finger into her as he worked them in and out. She cried out, her back bowing up off the bunk. He pulled back, licking her arousal from his lips with a smirk as he moved to rest his cheek against her thigh, looking up at her. 

Rey pushed at his head with a groan. “You’ve gotten good at that.” She remarked, tugging at his hair. “Now come here.” 

Ben moved back up the bunk slowly, pressing a knee in between her thighs to anchor himself as he hovered over her. “Yes?” He questioned coily. Instead of responding, she ran her hand down his chest, slipping it into his half-removed pants and curling her fingers around his cock. “ _ Fuck _ .” 

“That’s the plan.” Rey drawled out, dragging her fingers along his length as she leaned up to brush her lips along his throat. “I want to take it slow, Ben. I want to enjoy  _ this _ .” She whispered as she slowly stroked him. 

Ben nodded in agreement, rocking his hips in time with the strokes of her hand. “ _ Stars _ . I love you.” He breathed out. 

Rey laughed softly against his neck, pulling her hand away from his cock. “I love you too.” She said as she wiggled out from beneath him. “Roll over.” 

“What?” Ben blinked, trying to push through the cloud of arousal and focus on what she’d said. “ _ What _ ?” 

“Roll over.” Rey said again. “I want to ride you.” 

He rolled onto his back, pushing his pants down his hips further. Ben drew in a shaky breath as Rey moved to straddle his hips, her slick flesh pressed against his cock. He let out a low groan as she rocked her hips, teasing both of them. “You’re beautiful.” 

Rey bit down on her bottom lip as a blush bloomed across her chest and cheeks. “You’re just saying that because you’re about to be in me.” She countered, pressing her palms against his chest as she leaned forward to kiss him. 

“You know it’s true.” Ben mumbled against her lips, running his hand down her back, before he settled at her hip. “Aren’t we past questioning compliments?” 

She cupped his cheek and kissed him a little more desperately, grinding herself against his cock again. “We are. But  _ still _ .” 

Ben shook his head, bringing his other hand up to wind through her hair. “If this is our last time, I want you to know just how much you mean to me.” 

Rey smiled against his lips before she moved to sit astride him once more. She rose up on her knees, reaching down between them to hold his cock steady as she sank down onto him in one swift movement. “I know how much I mean to you.” She said lowly, lifting up and falling back onto his cock. “You offered me everything and then sacrificed it all for me.” 

Ben found it  _ much _ harder to focus on the words he was trying to say with her slick flesh wrapped around his cock. “I did. I  _ did _ . I gave it all up for you. For  _ you _ .” He ran his hand from her hip, up to her breast, grasping at it. “Even if  _ we _ live tomorrow…  _ Rey _ … I don’t want to lose you.” 

She leaned forward and kissed him again. “ _ No _ ! If we live tomorrow, we’ll run away the next day.” Rey cupped his cheeks. “I won’t let anyone take you away from me.” There were tears in her eyes and he knew it was because of him. He could feel the raw emotion bleeding from her soul. 

Ben tugged lightly at her hair, groaning against her lips when she clenched around his cock. “You like that?” 

Rey grinned down at him. “Like our first night in Naboo.” 

Ben reached up and curled his fingers around her throat gently. “You like it rough don’t you?” It was clear that she did. He could feel the way her body tensed in response, the way her pulse quickened, and breath caught in her throat. 

Rey nodded, her lashes fluttering. “You like it too. Don’t you?” She questioned, lifting her hand and slowly curling her fingers inwards. 

Ben drew in a sharp breath at the pressure he felt around his throat. She was using the Force to choke him, just as lightly as he was choking her.  _ Yes _ . He responded, too caught up in the sensation to remember how to form actual spoken words. 

He brushed his fingers over the smooth skin of her neck, keeping his grip on her throat as she started to pick up the pace of her hips as they moved closer to their release. He could feel it building. His. Hers. One in the same. Right on the precipice. 

Rey curled her fingers closer to her palm, tightening the grip she had on his throat. His pulse  _ pounded _ in his ears, a flutter of panic rising in his chest at the loss of oxygen. He followed her lead, tightening his own fingers around her throat. He could feel her own pulse beneath his thumb. 

There was something about the brief deprivation of oxygen that made the ensuing release that much better. Her inner walls clenched around his cock as her release sparked his own. He dropped his hand from her throat, gripping at her hips to guide her movements as she rode him through her release, milking every second of pleasure out of both of them. She flexed her fingers, spreading them out over his chest as she leaned down to kiss him. 

“My heart is pounding so fast.” Rey mumbled against his lips, bringing his hand up to rest over her heart. “That was... _ wow _ .” 

Ben let out a breathless laugh, sweeping his other hand over his face. “I don’t know how I’m going to ever top that if we  _ don’t _ die tomorrow.” 

Rey kissed him again. “Don’t worry about that.” She whispered, moving to lay down beside him, curling herself into his side. “We’re not going to die tomorrow.” 

Ben’s brows knit together at the resolution in her words. “ _ What _ ?” 

“Don’t worry.” She assured him, curling her arms around him. “I know it’s all going to work out.” 

“How do you know?” 

“I feel it. I just  _ know _ .” Rey whispered, pressing her lips to his shoulder. 

“ _ Rey _ .” Ben sat up a little so he could look down at her. “ _ How _ do you know?” 

She rubbed at her eyes before she slowly looked up at him. “There’s a voice coming from the lake. From deep within.” 

His eyes widened, his heart clenching in his chest. “Rey! You can’t listen to it.” 

She waved her hand dismissively. “I’m not going back into the water. I’m standing on the coast again. I don’t know what any of this means anymore, Ben.” Rey covered her face with her arm. “I didn’t want to worry you.” 

“Well, I’m worried  _ now _ .” 

“When we were apart today… I don’t know how to explain it without it sounding  _ bad _ . It’s just… I felt like I  _ finally _ came back out of the water.” 

Ben frowned. “When did the voice start?”

She closed her eyes. “As soon as we were alone.” 

He pinched the bridge of his nose, biting down on his bottom lip until he tasted blood. He’d barely given it a chance to heal. “How are we supposed to bring balance like this? If everytime we’re together, you start to lose yourself again?”

“Can we  _ please _ not do this?” Rey pressed, curling her fingers around his hand. 

Ben relented, even though he didn’t want to. He wanted to press at it and make her realize just how serious this was. “ _ Fine _ .” He swept his fingers through his hair as he settled back down on the bed. “We need our sleep.” Though, he didn’t know how he was supposed to sleep now. 

_ It’s going to be okay. _ Rey promised, curling her arms around his middle. 

But the gnawing dread in the pit of his stomach said otherwise. Maybe balance  _ wasn’t _ achievable after all. Maybe it was always supposed to be two opposing forces struggling for control.


	18. Chapter 18

“Is everything alright between you two?” Leia questioned, resting her hand on Ben’s shoulder. 

“Yeah.” He answered easily, even though it wasn’t the truth. “There’s bigger things to think about today.”

“That tells me there  _ is _ something wrong.” Leia pointed out. 

Ben sighed, staring across the room, watching as she and Rose laughed at something Poe was saying, much to the chagrin of Finn, which meant whatever they were discussing had to do with the former Stormtrooper. “She might look bright and happy right now, but there’s a darkness in her… one that she can’t resist when I’m around.”

“ _ Really _ ? Or is that just an excuse you’re making to sabotage this?” 

He gave his mother a look. “I  _ don’t _ self sabotage.” He crossed his arms across his chest. “I’m just worried about her. I don’t want her following in my footsteps.”

“She’s strong. Don’t underestimate her, Ben.” Leia squeezed his arm. “Is she going with you?”

Ben nodded. “She’s going to be gunner.” 

Connix rushed towards the General. “The Coruscant fleet has arrived in our airspace. They just hailed us.” She was out of breath. “The First Order is here.”

“ _ Shit _ .” Ben swore, raking his hand over his face. “We need to get everyone to their stations.”

Leia turned to look at him, a flicker of fear in her gaze. “We can do this.”

Ben leaned down and hugged his mother, “I love you mom.”

“I love you too Ben.” She told him, before she pulled away, calling for everyone’s attention. He couldn’t even hear what she was telling them, thanks to the ringing in his ears. 

Ben looked across the room and met Rey’s gaze. He offered her a small smile and she reciprocated with her own.  _ Let’s do this _ . 

* * *

Finn loomed behind Ben as he toggled switches and started up the light cruiser. “I swear to the stars if you fuck us over-“

“Not now.” Ben warned.

“Let him work.” Rose urged Finn, before she took the seat beside Ben. “What’s the plan? Are we going with A or B?”

“Did you send the schematics to the fleet?” Ben questioned, giving her a sideways look.

“They received them and reviewed them.”

“We’re going with B then.” Ben retorted, switching the com on. “How’s it going, Poe? Ready to get this over with?”

“BB-8 worked out the last kinks. I’m ready for the ascent.” Poe responded, shushing the droid when it interrupted the call, “Which plan?”

“B.”

“B? You’ve got to be out of your fucking mind, Ben!” Poe shouted through the com. 

“We have the codes to remotely lower the shields of the capital ship. You know where to strike. The fleet knows where to strike. Go hard. Give it all you’ve got.”

Rose leaned forward, pulling up the images of the capital ship’s layout. “We need to focus here.” She zoomed the picture in. “Weapon’s Storage. A hard strike there and we’ve got systematic shutdown and inward combustion. You’ll have to get close, Poe. As soon as you deliver, pull back hard. Strike from the other side if you can manage to circle around.”

Ben gave Rose an impressed look. “You know your stuff.” 

She shrugged. “Let’s just see if it’s enough.” Rose looked back at Finn. “You ready?” 

He put his hands on his hips. “I don’t think I have much of a choice.” 

Rey stepped into the cockpit on that note, looking between Rose and Finn and Ben. “The cannons are ready.” She moved to kneel beside his seat, resting her hand on his knee. “You’ve got this.” 

“So do you.” Ben told her with a warm, adoring smile. “I love you.” He whispered. 

“I love you too.” She pressed her lips to his cheek, before kissing him gently on the lips. 

“ _ Guys _ ! We are at war here. No making out. Come on!” Finn protested, kicking Ben’s seat. 

Ben shot him a deadly look, before looking back to Rey. “If you need  _ anything _ you know how to reach me.” 

Rey ruffled his hair as she stood up, “I know. But keep yourself focused on navigating us.” She turned to Finn, giving him a hug, “See you on the other side of this.” 

“Shoot ‘em out of the sky, Rey. You’ve got this.” Finn reassured her, looking towards Ben. “We’ve  _ all _ got this.” 

“Let’s hope the element of surprise is still on our side,” Ben said as he looked out the window. “He’s expecting a rag-tag band of rebels, not the Coruscant fleet and  _ me _ .” He swallowed thickly as they entered into the airspace above Crait. 

“Oh,  _ shit _ .” Finn breathed out as they all took in the sight of the First Order capital ship looming in the distance, flanked by the First Order fleet. 

“You ready, Poe?” Ben questioned as he toggled a few more switches. 

“Ready.” He answered back over the com. “Let’s do this.”

Rose opened up the second com-line, patching him into the call with Poe. “Is this Admiral Kodach?”

“Reporting.” 

“I’m sending you over the plans right now.” Rose informed him, “As soon as you receive them, be prepared to approach.” 

“Have you had any communication with them?” Ben questioned. “Have they hailed you?”

“Supreme Lead-”

“It’s  _ just _ Ben. Ben Solo.” He corrected, giving Rose and Finn a sideways look. 

“ _ Ben _ .” Admiral Kodach said, before he continued. “Senator Kora informed me to decline contact from General Hux. To hails have been ignored since they arrived in the airspace.”

Ben raked his fingers through his hair as he leaned back against his seat, his fingers curled around the controls. “Open a channel with him.” 

“Yes sir.” The admiral responded. “What would you like me to communicate to him?” 

“Don’t mention me.” Ben urged. “My presence here is the only element of surprise we’ve got on our side.” He ground his teeth together, trying to figure out what they could do to further confuse Hux. “Tell him you are on a humanitarian mission. Aside from the old outpost, the planet has mines. You are here to render aid to the residents of Crait. As part of conversations about assisting the Outer Rim that were held on Coruscant barely a week ago.” 

“The planet is  _ uninhabited _ !” Rose protested. 

“Hux doesn’t know that.” Ben said with a wave of his hand. “He’s good at military maneuvers but terrible at planetary details.” 

“And if he asks about the distress beacon?”

Finn leaned towards the com-line. “Can you act like you thought it was coming from miners?” 

Admiral Kodach laughed a little, “We’ll try. The fleet’s enroute to render assistance to Dagobah when we received the distress beacon. Thinking it was the miners, we switched course.”

Finn crossed his arms across his chest, looking between Ben and Rose. “Well?”

“Hey guys! Just a reminder, we’ve only got enough hibridium to last us forty-five minutes. Let’s get this rolling.” Poe said over his connection. 

“Await our signal.” Admiral Kodach advised. “Once we make contact and establish our presence, we will move towards the Absolution. That’ll be your cue.” 

“May the Force be with you, Admiral.” Rose said, before she closed the call, turning in her seat to face Ben. “What the hell are we going to do  _ if _ Hux knows there’s no one but  _ us  _ on Crait?”

“There’s plausible deniability that Admiral Kodach doesn’t even know that there are no miners.” Ben said easily, even though there was a knot of fear gnawing at his belly. “Poe, be watching for the first sign that he’s moving towards the Absolution.” 

“Oh, trust me.” Poe retorted back. “I’m ready to take down the First Order.”

_ How did I get here? _ Ben questioned, pushing his thoughts towards Rey, who had returned to her station at the cannon. 

_ What? _

Ben pinched at the bridge of his nose as he focused on Admiral Kodach’s ship, waiting for the first sign of movement.  _ How did I get here? To this point. Where I’m sitting in an antique rusty light cruiser, with limited supplies, hoping to take down an empire I helped to form? How did this happen?  _

Rey laughed softly through their connection.  _ That’s how I felt when I climbed into a coffin-shaped ship and delivered myself to you. When I agreed to ruling the Galaxy with you, against better judgement.  _

_ It happened so fast. I thought that after everything, I would be content with being a ruler. But I was wrong. I know what I want now.  _ Ben swallowed thickly, his fingers curling tighter around the controls in anticipation. 

_ What do you want, Ben?  _

“He’s moving!” Rose shouted, clapping her hands together, before she reconnected the call with Admiral Kodach. “We are on the move.” 

“He’s suspicious.” He warned.

Ben started forward, “How much time did you buy us?” 

“Captain Dameron needs to deliver the strike as quickly as possible.” 

“Working on it!” Poe answered back. “Ben, how fast can you get the shields down?”

“We need to get closer.” Ben said as he navigated the ship past Admiral Kodach’s fleet. “Finn, how’s the levels looking?”

“Hibridium levels are looking good.” Finn answered as he moved to look at another control panel. “But let’s not play around with them.”

“Wasn’t intending to.” Ben gritted out, flipping another switch on the dashboard. “We’re getting into range, Poe.” He held his hand out for the datapad that Rose had on the ready. He rested it in his lap, pulling up the access screen for the base controls of the Absolution. He keyed in his code, his heart clenching as it lagged for a second before it let him in. “We’re in. All power to the shields is going to be diverted to non-essential units. You’ll have a five minute window to deliver the blow.” 

“On it.” Poe retorted as the X-Wing tore past their cruiser on the scanner. He reached over and turned on the ship’s internal communication system. “Be on the ready, Rey. Poe just went in for the strike. They’re going to launch a TIE attack. We’re cloaked, but we can still get hit if they open fire on Kodach’s fleet.”

“Let’s hope Poe delivers.” Rey answered back. “Do they even have time to launch an attack?”

“Depends on how quickly Weapon’s Storage combusts.” Rose replied, moving from her seat to check sensors on the wall. 

“Knowing Hux, he already ordered them to position.” Ben clenched the controls tighter as he navigated the cruiser around another one of the Coruscant vessels. “Poe, how’s it looking?” 

“Ready to fire!” Poe hollered back, clearly fueled by the danger that came along with this mission. 

Ben held his breath as he watched the cannon fire appear out of nowhere, striking the unprepared Absolution. There was a moment of silence aboard the light cruiser as they watched the capital ship slowly implode. The moment of silence was shattered as the light cruiser was struck from the rear. 

“What the  _ hell _ was that?” Finn shouted, looking at Ben like he  _ knew _ it was coming. Why was he even surprised by their instant distrust in him?

Ben’s brows knit together as he turned his attention back to the control panel, pulling up the scan of their surroundings. “ _ Shit _ .” He swore as he spotted another vessel approaching from behind them. “That’s another capital ship.”

“How did they know where to strike?” Finn questioned, his hands curling into fists threateningly. 

Ben glared at him. “It would be wise if you didn’t attack the only pilot you’ve got right now.” 

“Rose knows what she’s doing.”

Rose held up her hands innocently. “This is really  _ not _ the time. We’ve got TIEs coming from that direction and the Finalizer coming from the rear.” She snatched the datapad back from Ben, furiously going through it. “What are the chances we can do  _ that _ with this one?”

“Slim. They’ll know it’s coming.” Ben pulled them back around, trying to zig and zag to avoid detection again. “Finn how are the levels?”

“We’re hemorrhaging.”

“Poe! How’s it looking out there?” 

“Not good.” He huffed. “I’m not sure what happened, but I’m running  _ real _ low on hibridium.” 

“So are we.” Finn said, moving to the com-panel. “Are we gonna pull back? Get to Crait while we have the chance?” 

Ben shook his head, “We don’t stand a chance down there.” 

“We don’t stand a chance up here.” Finn countered. “And I swear to the stars if I find out  _ you _ caused this.” 

“Why would I cause this?” Ben questioned, shaking his head. “Poe, are your cannons good?”

“Yep!” He retorted through the com. “Are you thinking what I’m thinking?” 

“We don’t have much of a choice.” Ben said as he pulled back on the control. “Get the admiral back on the line,” He told Rose. “Tell him to him cover us.” 

“What are you doing?” Poe questioned, “What the hell are you doing Ben?” 

“I’ve got it handled, Poe. I just need cover. I’ve got it.” 

Finn stumbled as he attempted to move towards Ben’s seat. “What  _ are _ you doing?” 

“There’s no way he can get over here in time. The First Order is going to know what’s coming. We’re both running low on hibridium.” He steered them closer to the Finalizer. “We have to get close and we have to act fast. They’re going to be expecting a similar attack on the Weapon’s Storage.”

“He’s right.” Rose said, pulling up the plans of the Finalizer on the screen. “Where are you thinking about striking?”

“We’re going for the hangar. If we take out the TIE, we have a fighting chance.” Ben said, flinching at the sound of gunfire starting behind them. The TIE were going to start blind-firing and he only hoped that Kodach could pick them off before they got hit again. 

“What’s the plan up there?” Rey questioned over the communication systems. “What am I firing at?”

“We’re going for the hangar.” Ben explained. “Use the Force to focus your shots. Strike at ships.” 

Finn huffed. “You’d know, wouldn’t you?” 

“It’s a common tactic.” Ben retorted. “Rey, we might come out of cloak during the attack. If they start aiming for the cannon, I want you up here.” 

“We won’t give them a chance.” 

Ben drew in a shaky breath as he drew them closer to the destroyer. 

“Wait!” Rey called out through the communication system. “ _ Wait _ ! Ben, can you get in and look at the engine systems?” 

“What are you sensing, Rey?” Ben questioned, reaching out to take the datapad back from Rose. He pulled up the systems map, zooming in on the engine. “The Germon-8s looks fine.  _ Oh _ !” He passed the datapad back to Rose. “Check out the third Destroyer Ion.” 

“It’s losing power!” Rose stared at the screen in disbelief. “This is a weakness. We can take them out!” 

Poe shouted out an expletive over the com, “Sorry about that. Hit my target and it almost hit me on its way down.” 

“Poe - we’ve got two options here. Hangar or secondary engine?”

“Go for the Ion!” Rey shouted in protest.

“Hangar.”

Rose glared at Ben. “ _ Engine _ !” 

“It’s gotta be the hangar.” Finn said, crossing his arms across his chest. “We miss the engine and they drop the TIE fleet and we die.” 

“The engine would explode the whole damn thing!” Rose pointed out, standing up, mirroring Finn’s stance. “In every mission - survival  _ isn’t _ a given. We can’t go into this trying to save our own necks. It’s for the cause.” 

“Surviving is actually what I’m good at.” Rey interjected, “And I’m telling you,  _ Ben _ , if we go for the engine, we’re in the clear.” 

“And  _ who _ is telling you that, Rey?” She fell silent at that. Finn started to question Ben’s comment, but Ben pressed his finger to his lips, urging him to stay quiet. “ _ Who _ is telling you to go for the engine, Rey?”

“I don’t know.” She answered quietly. “Go for the hangar.” 

Ben nodded, looking to Rose. “Make contact with Kodach, let him know what we’re doing.  _ Poe _ \- be ready to pull back. We’re retreating to the surface after we finish off the Finalizer.” 

Ben knew what Rey was dealing with. He  _ knew _ how easy it was to listen to the voice. It was the first temptation, before Snoke swept in. He wasn’t naive in thinking they were the only two Force users left in the Galaxy - aside from his uncle and his mother. There was something or someone after her, but he couldn’t focus on  _ that _ right now. 


	19. Chapter 19

They managed to destroy two First Order destroyers and a fleet of TIE Fighters with minimal losses. Coruscant lost two ships and thankfully, both the X-Wing and light cruiser arrived back on Crait with their pilots and crew. 

“We don’t have a lot of time. If Hux survived on a shuttle, he’s going to be sending a unit down from the final destroyer.” Ben advised his mother, shifting anxiously on his feet. “They’re going to come heavily armed. AT-AT, cannons, everything they’ve got for a ground attack.”

“You should’ve seen him, General. He’s so calm in the face of certain death.” Rose commented, leaning against one of the defunct command stations. 

“We  _ didn’t  _ die though.” Ben retorted, tensing as he met Rey’s eyes. He could feel that she was upset with him. But he had a reason. He couldn’t follow her lead just because she had a  _ feeling _ . And they made it out alive. 

“Then let’s get ready for this.” Leia said, squeezing Ben’s arm. “You all did good out there. I’m impressed.” She turned to Poe, meeting his eyes. “I think you’ve earned your title back,  _ Commander _ .”

Poe laughed triumphantly and hugged Leia. “You know, your kid’s not half bad at piloting. He really pulled that off.”

Ben rolled his eyes. “Call me a  _ kid _ again and I’ll-“

“Hey. _ Hey _ . Work together.” Leia warned them, before she excused herself to go inform the others of what was to come. 

“I mean it, Ben. I’m impressed. We couldn’t have pulled that off without you.” Poe extended his hand and Ben hesitantly took it. 

“Thanks.” He said with a nod, looking down awkwardly. He wasn’t used to people praising him for his skills. “You’re a pretty damn good pilot yourself.”

“I know I am.” Poe clapped him on the shoulder as he stepped past him to hug Finn.

“You worried me out there.” Finn said quietly to Poe as he hugged him back.

Ben looked away from the embrace and his gaze fell on Rey once more. She had her arms hugged around her middle. “You understand why I did what I did. Don’t you?” Ben questioned quietly as he stepped towards her. 

“I know.” Rey frowned, kicking at some old wiring on the floor. “I don’t like this feeling.” She admitted, letting him pull her into his chest. She covered her face, pressing her forehead against his chest. “Is this what it was like for you?”

Ben ran his hand down the length of her back. “Like a whisper coming from nowhere… promising everything you ever wanted.” He kissed the top of her head. “You have to resist that voice. I know you’re strong enough to.” 

Rey pulled back and looked up at him. “You didn’t get a chance to tell me what you wanted.”

His brows knit together. “Just you.” 

“Even like this?” She questioned, resting her hands on his chest as she looked up at him.

“Especially like  _ this.  _ You need someone who has been through it. To help you.”

Rey lifted her hand to cup his cheek. “And you’re proof that you can come out the other side.”

He leaned into her touch. “Is that what this is? I’ve come out the other side? That sounds like a simplified explanation for what’s going on in my head, Rey. It’s a struggle.”

“Is this why Jedi don’t love?”

“Why they’re  _ taught _ not to love. I don’t believe you can actually stop love from starting.” He brushed her hair out of her face. “Focus on that love, Rey. I didn’t have that to cling to when I was being tempted. But you do.” He leaned down and pressed his lips to her forehead, before he pulled her back into his chest and wrapped his arms around her tightly. “You’re going to get through this.” 

* * *

Against  _ all _ odds, they managed to dismantle the First Order. Their ground assault had been brutal and the ricket old Ski Speeders had been no match against the AT-ATs and the battering cannon that the Order had come prepared with. Thirteen speeders fell to nine and in the process the nearly lost two more. And had Rose not intervened, Finn was on a course to become one of them. 

They had been forced to retreat at one point, certain that the battering cannon would blow a hole through the door and the battle would be lost, when silence fell on the battlefield. 

_ Luke Skywalker _ . 

Had he not appeared to finish of the First Order when he had - they all would’ve been dead. One with the Force, as Luke was now. He was old, battleworn, and projecting yourself across the Galaxy, taking on AT-ATs and a Destroyer was more than anyone one Jedi could withstand. 

* * *

“He’s at peace.” Rey remarked as she sat in between Ben and Leia, her fingers curled tightly around Leia’s hand reassuringly. “I feel it.” She looked to Ben, searching his eyes. “Can you feel it?”

Ben nodded his head slowly. “I felt it too.” 

“No one’s ever  _ really _ gone.” Leia intoned, looking past Rey at Ben. “I spoke to him.  _ Briefly _ . Before he took them on. He felt you turn.” 

He couldn’t help but smile a little. “I guess that’s why the old man decided he was ready to die.” 

Leia chuckled a little, “Something like that.” She turned her attention back to Rey, “He was worried about you, Rey. Worried you would rise where Ben had fallen.” 

Rey pulled her hand away from Leia’s grasp quickly. “I’m sick of everyone being  _ worried _ about me.” She snapped and Ben could distinctly feel the anger rising within her. He was all too familiar with that sensation. 

“ _ Hey _ .” He rested his hand on the small of her back, but she flinched away from his touch. “Rey, it’s natural to be concerned. Especially for those of us who are Force users and understand…” 

Rey rose to her feet, turning around to face them. “But I also know it’s  _ natural _ for other Force users to think they need to put down the person they’re worried about.”

Leia pinched the bridge of her nose. “The Jedi are not infallible. No more than any other being. Mistakes are made. But I think I can assure you that  _ no one _ wants to harm you Rey.” 

She shot her a skeptical look, before she was distracted by BB-8 bumping into her leg and requesting that she fix his antena. “You look  _ fine _ .” Rey promised him as she knelt down to fix it. 

Ben let out a soft laugh. “I don’t see anything that warrants  _ fear _ here.” He assured her, “It was different with me… for my uncle. I don’t approve of what he did. I don’t think I’ll ever forgive him. But, he was misguided by Snoke’s influence on me. While I was being tempted by the Dark Side, the darkest thing in my mind was Snoke. He was poisoning me. Making me think things I would’ve never dared to think.” 

Leia reached out to squeeze his shoulder. 

“I’m trying to keep that from happening to you, Rey. I was afraid I was that voice in your head, the way you were the voice in mine. I gave into that darkness for so long that my response was to accept that  _ all _ of it was dark. The light was just darkness that hadn’t been snuffed out yet.” 

Rey nodded slowly, drawing in a shaky breath before she looked away. “What is going to happen when we return to Coruscant?” 

Ben frowned. He knew that the answer to that wouldn’t be one Rey wanted to hear. “Senator Kora has agreed to let all of us stay in Senate chambers. He has the medical droids waiting for our arrival.” He wrung his hands together. “And then I would expect that-”

Leia held up her hand to stop him, “Senator Kora has assured me that he will not be instigating  _ anything _ until I give him the sign.” She met Rey’s skeptical gaze. “He and his wife were very impressed with you Rey. While the First Order may be no more, the pair of you still have influence. Of course, once word gets out that you are in our custody,” She looked towards Ben. “The Senate will come together to decide how they intend to proceed.” 

“In  _ whose _ custody?” Rey questioned sharply. 

“The Resistance.” Leia sighed, rubbing at her temples. “It’s complicated Rey. Complicated and unfortunate.” 

Ben leaned forward, resting his elbows on his legs, covering his face with a heavy sigh. “People know my face. They know who I am. We would only be able to run for so long.” 

“ _ Ben _ .” Rey whispered. “There are dozens of planets where we could go! Places where no one will care who you are.” 

“I wish that were true.” He lifted his head to meet her eyes. “I passed the point where I could get away with all of this a decade ago.”

Leia rose to her feet, moving to place her hands on Rey’s shoulders. “If he runs, he will become a fugitive. And I cannot control a bounty being placed on his head. On  _ your _ head. If a trial is called… I can steer it.” 

“You know who I was Rey.  _ What _ I was.” Ben raked his fingers through his hair, before he stood up. “I can’t run from this.” 

Rey stepped past Leia and moved to meet him. She reached up and curled her fingers around the back of his head, pulling him down so their foreheads touched. “I wish it wasn’t like this.” 

“So do I,” Ben sighed, curling his hand around her hip. “But we both know that our previous set up had an expiration date on it.” He reached out between their connection and brushed against her mind, thankful that she let him in.  _ My heart was never fully into being Kylo Ren. Snoke knew this. Without him, I wasn’t committed to the cause.  Luke had a point… you could easily rise where I fell. I told you a dozen times that I would kneel for you, Rey. I would have let you get lost in the Dark Side if we had stayed.  _

_ I know. I just don’t want to believe it.  _ Rey blinked back tears. “I can’t believe how crazy my life has been in the past month.” She pulled back, taking a step backwards. “I need some time alone. I’m sorry.” 

Ben let his hands drop to his side as he watched her leave, slowly turning back to face his mother. “I feel like I everything I say is wrong. I don’t even know who I am anymore.” He admitted. 

“Who do you  _ want _ to be?”

“Someone worthy of her.” Ben answered. “Kylo Ren is dead and Ben Solo feels like a shadow that I have outgrown.” He was the one that was drowning now. 

“Hold on to that.” Leia said gently. 

“Why? I just want to know  _ who _ I am.” 

“You  _ are _ Ben Solo. But you lost that name when you were still a child. You don’t know who Ben Solo is as a man.” She explained to him, tilting her head to the side. “Hopefully you and Rey have more time on Coruscant to discuss this. Before anything begins. This trial will test your bond.” 

“How soon?”

“I won’t know fully until we arrive.” Leia explained, “I can delay it only as long as I can.” 

Ben dug his teeth into his bottom lip, “It’s just delaying the inevitable.” He hung his head. “I didn’t agree to assist you expecting that it would account for anything when it comes to the trial. I knew going into this that there’s really only  _ one _ outcome. But I think I always knew when I made the choices I did, that all of it would end only one way.” 

“Sometimes things change, Ben. The paths we think we’re on wind and twist. They’re ever changing. You helped us destroy the very Order you helped to create. That speaks  _ volumes _ . You and Rey were trying to change the face of the First Order. I cannot tell you how a trial will play out, but I can tell you to remain positive.” 

Ben flashed her a weak smile, lifting his gaze to meet hers. “I hope you’re right.” He rocked on his heels. “And for the record… I enjoyed being  _ part _ of something.” 

Leia beamed at him. “Even Finn was  _ reluctantly _ singing your praise.”

“I’m actually going to go see how he and Rose are doing.” Ben said with a soft laugh. “And then see if Rey wants to talk.” 

“Don’t push her.” 

Ben held up his hands. “I know better than that. She’s stronger than she knows.” 

“When we get to Coruscant you should take her out. Enjoy time alone.” Leia advised him with a motherly look. “I hear there’s a new Mandalorian musical playing.” 

“We actually saw it when we were there.” 

“Which one?”

“The only one that was playing,” Ben arched a brow. “Is there another one now? To be honest, we weren’t a fan of the one we saw.” 

“I think you will enjoy the new production that’s on stage.” Leia stated. “And the rumor is that the forbidden love story was inspired by your namesake.” She winked at him, before waving him away.  

“The  _ Jedi _ ?” 

Leia pressed her lips together and nodded. “So the rumor says. I don’t know what he did in his youth. But it’s interesting.” 

“I don’t know if Rey and I need to see a tragic musical. Given the circumstances.” Ben retorted with a shrug. “We’ll see if she even wants to do anything while we’re in Coruscant. That moment may have passed.” 

“I’ll talk with her if you need me to.” 

He shook his head. “That won’t be necessary.” Ben gave her a tight-lipped smile, before he excused himself to head back to the crew quarters that had been turned into a makeshift medical bay. 

It was strange to him, how easily everything could change. His descent into the Dark Side has been slow and orchestrated by outside forces, but he had been thrust back into the light. Not even kicking and screaming. And somehow he found himself caring about people who would’ve sooner seen dead than  _ help _ . And reluctantly they accepted him. 

Rey stood at the middle of it all. He cared because she cared. Without her, there would’ve been no return to the light. He would have sank deeper and deeper into the mire and let it consume him. Now, he had to pay for his past and reconcile his present. And hope, just a little, that there was still a  _ future. _


End file.
